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Cupioromantic quiz


Ettina
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I've been questioning my romantic orientation, and one label I came across was cupioromantic - someone who doesn't feel romantic attraction but strongly desire a romantic relationship. I'm still trying to sort out exactly what that means and if it fits me.

 

During my search, I came across this AVEN thread. This person asked cupioromantics and aromantics to fill out a quiz that she came up with. Here are the questions and my answers.

 

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1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

 

Usually not. There are a few fictional relationships I like, but most I hate, to the point where I usually won't even try a book if it has two MCs of the opposite sex described on the back blurb. Among the few I've liked, I don't really see myself in them. But then I don't tend to identify with fiction in general.

 

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2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

 

I like some things and dislike other things. I don't think I experience romantic attraction though.

 

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3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

 

Yes. The only people who've shown any interest in me have been asexual-denying, overly pushy heterosexual guys, and the idea of being romantically involved with them is horrific. But I'd like if I met someone compatible.

 

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4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

 

Never had a romantic relationship, so I don't know.

 

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5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

 

I'd like a co-parent when I have a child (I'm planning on having one), and as an autistic person with independent living issues, living with a supportive person would be very practical. But I also want someone for emotional support and companionship.

 

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6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

 

Maybe? If I didn't like them as a person, then no. But if I did, I think I'd like that. I've never been in that situation though.

 

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7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

 

Either one, yes.

 

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8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

 

For scientific purposes, yes. But I don't think I'd like to actually feel it. I hate losing control.

 

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9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic"

 

I'd like to be somewhere in between, I think. Or else an aromantic person who is also a loner with no real interest in forming any kind of close relationship.

 

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10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

 

I can, but it makes me a bit sad. Especially once my parents are dead, I'm afraid I'll be lonely.

 

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11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

 

Yes, definitely.

 

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12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

 

Sometimes it does. But it also sounds unpleasant in a lot of ways - being rejected, figuring out how to reject them, date rape, worrying about what they think, having incompatible dreams, etc.

 

What about you guys?

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1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

I typically find them to be annoying and often lacking good reasons in terms of character and plot to be there at all. Whilst I might like to experience some of the feelings of the characters involved I'm not sure that these wouldn't be present had they been in a QPR.
 

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2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

What I like about romantic relationships are sensual, sexual and/or companionship aspects. There's also plenty about them I don't like at all.
 

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3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

No. I have no interest in being in this kind of relationship.

 

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4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

No. I find the concept, at best, kooky.

 

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5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

No. That is just something I could not do.
 

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6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

No, thank you.
 

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7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

 

No. QPP or other non-romantic.
 

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8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

Maybe for curiosity's sake.
 

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9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic"

Actually yes. Since it would be considerably easier to fit into society than as an aro,
 

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10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

No. I am who I am, however difficult it can be.
 

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11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

Quite likely it would. If I could do it. Because of the way society is set up.
 

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12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

It actually does. Just without the romantic cruft or the expectation that I have to do the asking out role.

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I did reply on Aven, but might as well copy and paste here too :)

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" I enjoy romantic fiction, but vicariously? 

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction" I experience attraction now and then, but don't enjoy being involved, even when I liked the other person enough to agree to dating and thought it would be different this time.

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" I don't really want a romantic relationship at the moment - also, most of the time if I am attracted I do want to be with that person, I just sense, from previous experience, that I wouldn't actually enjoy it if it did happen.

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" Sort of? It's more I like it in theory and love indulging in my romantic fantasies but would prefer not to have it happen in real life

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" Possibly in future, but I also need a lot of space/autonomy and there is a danger of it fizzling out quickly if I have too much space? It's a difficult balance and probably easier to just not be involved in the first place.  

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" Similar to Q3? I kind of like the idea someone likes me back, but then my feelings get weird. I feel sad or slightly offended/something else undefined if they don't act on it, but them acting on it would probably make me not like them any more at some point in the near future.

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" With the right person (probably an aro?) but I feel I'm too independent to really want anyone else that badly. My first relationship was close to being like a long distance QPR I guess.

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" I do experience it, it's a nice feeling in part, but I also hate it at the same time.

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" I'd rather be aro/ace than greyro/ace or grey ace

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" I'd be happy being single for the rest of my life and wish I didn't feel attraction for anyone.

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" Maybe, but I think if I could overcome my laziness/low motivation it would help me a lot more. 

12. "I think dating sounds like fun" Not really. I've tried it and thought it was weird when the guys implied it was meant to be fun. I never understood how? I think I just don't have the needed feelings to make it enjoyable. I didn't find it as advertised lmao

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Ooh, quiz. lemme try! xD

 

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" 

I like art that explores the idea of romantic relationships and/or the feelings involved. e.g. A lot of the music I listen to does explore 'romantic' themes, but it's often done in unconventional ways (otherwise I get bored, lol. The stuff they play on the radio bores me :D). Sometimes the songs highlight the darker or more unhealthy aspects of romantic infatuation. For example, here's some lyrics from the song "It's You" by PJ Harvey:

 

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When I'm not with you my dreams are so very dark
When I'm not with you I dream of my hair falling out
When I'm not with you I walk dark tunnels of my heart
When I'm not with you everything comes apart

 

When I was younger
I spent my days
Wondering to whom
I was supposed to pray

 

It's you

 

 

Now that is NOT something I want to experience! xD

 

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

Nope, see above! Although, as @Mark pointed out, sex! :D (and companionship)

I might have experienced 'romantic attraction' this one time though, but I'm not sure...

 

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" 

This sort of fits me. I have fantasied about the idea of being in a committed romantic relationship. But then, when the possibility of the actual reality of it presented itself, I never felt sufficiently motivated to pursue it - and always invented some excuse instead to not do so.

 

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" 

Yeah, maybe. See above. I don't like the idea of a lot of obligations suddenly being placed on me and could easily see myself feeling trapped/suffocated if the 'romantic'  situation ever made the jump from fantasy to reality.

 

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" 

There could be practical advantages, for sure. Like lower living costs and having a someone to discuss important life decisions with and receive general emotional support from (although that starts to edge more into "feelings" territory, I suppose)

 

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" 

Hmm, maybe it's sort of flattering. But I might also get a bit freaked out by it and be worried about hurting them if I didn't feel able to reciprocate. In practice it might lead to me avoiding them, as I'm not the best at tackling head on situations that make me uncomfortable :/

 

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" 

Based on what I've read about them, I suspect I'd prefer QPR. Less pressure (from both my partner and other people) to take a conventional path like living together, getting married, etc. - and to see those things as necessarily being 'improvements' upon the relationship / things that make it 'deeper' or more 'mature'.

 

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

On balance, probably not. What @Ettina said is a massive deal for me:

13 hours ago, Ettina said:

But I don't think I'd like to actually feel it. I hate losing control.

 

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" 

This question doesn't even really make sense to me. If 'I' were able to change such a massive, central aspect of my personality and become conventionally 'romantic' then 'I' wouldn't be 'me' anymore! I don't want to cease to exist, so, em, no!

 

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" 

I do worry about what happens as I get older and my friends increasingly pair off and have kids (massive time sinks = much more limited time available to socialise in wider friendship groups ). I wish we had some members here in their 40s, 50s, 60s etc. to give some perspective on what happens as you get older and how to plan for it and deal with it...

 

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" 

Maybe - but, given that my goals are somewhat unconventional, it seems more likely that a romantic relationship (and certainly a conventional one involving marriage, kids, mortgage, etc.) would require that I sacrifice many of those other goals.

 

12. "I think dating sounds like fun" 

I've always been kinda freaked out be the idea! xD I really enjoy socialising in groups and meeting new people that way; but being in a one-on-one situation with somebody you barely know just strikes me as a really artificial and intense experience, with so much potential for awkwardness! Well, I haven't actually done it, but I suspect I'd find it super awkward were I to try!

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I'll jump in here too. :)

 

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" Not really. In most cases, I interpret the love stories I see in totally platonic, friendship-ish ways and feel disappointed when people point out the romance in them to me.

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction" I don't think I've ever found anything appealing about romantic relationships, other than the idea of people growing old together... but that can technically happen with friendships/family/other types of relationships too.

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" I used to think this, before I'd heard of the concept of aromanticism. But I think if the relationship was romantic, that would probably automatically make it incompatible with me.

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" I either don't notice romance, or if I do, I find it annoying.

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" I like the idea of living with friends... so not really.

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" Maybe. It depends on how they go about expressing them though...

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" I haven't been particularly fine in any of the romantic relationships I've tried in the past. I want some kind of passionate friendship.

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" I would like to know, actually... but just once. I don't think it's a feature I'd want to keep.

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" Naaaah.

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" I can't imagine spending the rest of my life any other way... I don't even know how the other ways work. :P

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" Not at all, it'd just get in my way.

12. "I think dating sounds like fun" Oh hell no. It sounds awful to me.

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  • 1 year later...

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

Yes, i enjoy reading romance.

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

I have always been interested in romance and wanted a relationship but beyond a basic objective and

rational liking to the person, i don’t feel romantic attraction towards anyone i’ve ever dated.

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

Not sure, i usually evaluate all the potential candidates in my surroundings and

based on some criteria (intellect, personality, how well

we interact, if they might be interested in me) I choose who to ‘like’.

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

Not sure, I haven’t been in enough romantic situations.

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

I don’t see many practical reasons for a romantic relationship.

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

Yes, but only if our friendship isn’t ruined if i don’t date them.

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

Ive been reading up on QPRs but a romantic relationship seems more appealing.

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

Yes. It would make ‘deciding’ who to like much easier.

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic"

see above^^

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

Not sure, never thought about it.

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

Not really? idk romance is pretty much in its own category of goals for me,

12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

Definetly! I’ve been in a couple relationships myself and it’s been pretty fun.

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That looks fun !

 

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

 

I absolutely love romance in fiction and I love shipping but no I don't desire experiencing those feelings.

 

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

 

Same as @Mark .

 

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

 

No.

 

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

 

No. I don't dislike the idea but it's not for me.

 

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

 

I wouldn't like that but I think I'd get into a romantic relationship if I had a really good reason (other than love obviously).

 

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

 

At the begining I think I'd like it to know I'm desirable but after a few days I know I'd feel uncomfortable so no.

 

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

 

A QPR definitely ! Otherwise no.

 

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

 

Hmm hard to say.... I wouldn't like that I think.

 

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" 

 

It'd be easier to be romantic but I don't know.

 

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

 

I've made my peace with being single and without a life partner for the rest of my life so it's okay.

 

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

 

I think it'd prevent me from reaching them.

 

12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

 

Heck no. It sounds horrible. Talking to a stranger to know if you're romantically compatible ? Nop.

 

I guess I'm very much aro haha

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  • 2 weeks later...

I should be sleeping so why not do a random internet quiz.

 

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

Absolutely not. Fictional romance makes romance in general very off putting and annoying. Fictional people need to get something called common sense or brain.

 

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

I'm not sure how to answer this question. I don't like everything about romantic relationships, I feel like people either aren't into them at all which is off putting or they get into them too much and that's off putting as well.

 

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

No, there are plenty of women I'd love to date, unfortunately, they're either taken or of incompatible sexual orientation. Well, finding a compatible partner is not that easy in general.

 

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

No and no. I don't like the idea of romance, it sounds like a bother but I can deal with the romance part in life rather well. It's the emotions part that gives me trouble. Sometimes I feel like everyone is an alien and puts importance to really unimportant stuff while ignoring the truly important ones.

 

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

Absolutely. There is a lot of advantage in sharing a house with a person you are compatible with and sexually active with.

 

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

Yes, I did like it in past and would like it in future. It's easier to deal with women who already have feelings for me than it is in trying to figure out if they do or working on developing them.

 

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

Yes, I've been fine in a romantic relationship in past.

 

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

I don't care.

 

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic"

I don't care and, honestly, after seeing how ridiculously people act when high on crushes or being in love, I'd gladly pass.

 

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

I don't care, I am who I am, I'll deal with that.

 

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

Absolutely, like I mentioned above, having someone at your back is much easier than struggling alone.

 

12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

It does. It's a lot of fun. When people know what they want and express that without making immature judgements. I haven't had a relationship like that yet, unfortunately. :(

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I identify as cupioromantic or romance-positive aromantic and here are my answers:

 

1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings"

  • Very true for me

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction"

  • True..? I found out that in theory kissing is much more appealing than in real life, though. I almost had a panic attack when I thought I had to do the real thing.

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met"

  • False. I feel open to be in a romantic relationship with multiple people (my squishes).

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life"

  • I don't think I have enough experience to answer this appropriately. I love the idea of romance, but most of the time someone asks me out I say no unless it is long-distance.

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)"

  • I don't quite understand this question. I would like to be in a romantic relationship because it seems nice to have someone that loves you deeply and will always be by your side.

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me"

  • FALSE. Though I think I would turn them down.

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR"

  • Very very true.

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction"

  • TRUE.

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic"

  • So so true.

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person"

  • I can... just dating people. Or having a QPR.

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life"

  • Not necessarily. I can live being single as long as I have at least one very close friend.

12. "I think dating sounds like fun"

  • It just sounds like hanging out with friends, except exclusively. I like hanging out with friends, so I think I'd like dating.
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1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" Yes. But mostly to understand why everybody around me acts the way they do.

2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction" Yes.

3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" Kind of yes, but I think I imagine it more as a close friendship than a relationship

4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" I don't really love it, but it would be easier if I could deal with it.

5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" If I can find such reasons, sure. Having someone you can discuss things with wouldn't be bad.

6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" In theory, yes. In practice I think I couldn't deal with it.

7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" I think so, but don't really know.

8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" I would like to know for scientific purposes if it isn't habit-forming (see 1.)

9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" I don't like loosing control, so no.

10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" I can but I think I'll be very lonely as I'm really not good at making friends.

11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" I don't think so.

12. "I think dating sounds like fun" Not dating itself, but to determine if someone has feelings for me is kind of like solving a really complicated puzzle.

 

I don't really know if I want a romantic relationship or just a really close friend.

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1 hour ago, not_my_standard_username said:

"I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" I would like to know for scientific purposes if it isn't habit-forming (see 1.)

I actually agree with this. I just want to feel it once. Just to see what's the big deal about it. But then I'd probably want to go back to being able to "pick my crushes" lol

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