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Everything posted by AroAce

  2. Hey! I am just going to write "my story" I guess. πŸ˜‚ When I first realized I was aromantic I was in a bit of a shock. I thought of myself as the most romantic person I knew (or at least one of). How could I be aromantic? I like romance. But with a bit of reading, I learned about what that meant and I realized my "crushes" had been squishes all along. It was a bit confusing, at first. I couldn't really differentiate my feelings. I went to my best friend ever (I appreciate you, Lylu) and asked her a LOT of questions. She is alloromantic, so I figured it would be wiser to ask her about romance, rather than thinking about it for myself since I don't quite understand the concept. Her answers helped me accept that I really was aromantic. However, simply accepting it as the truth does not mean that you are happy about it. For a while I thought constantly about just what that discovery could mean, in the long term. Would I never have a boyfriend, then? Do I even want a boyfriend, or is it just something society has made me believe I needed? I wanted a companion, someone to hug me and really get me. Someone I could stay up all night talking to. Did that mean I wanted a romantic relationship? For a while I thought so. I thought I needed that kind of bond. I identified with the term "cupioromantic." Though I could never feel the romantic attraction, I felt like I really wanted a boyfriend. No, I needed one. How did my thinking change? There is this guy, let's just call him Vet, who I was friends with since elementary school. Unfortunately, when I was in fourth grade I moved away, and we didn't hear from each other for nearly seven years. I had to move again, this time closer to the country I was originally from, and for some reason we came back in touch. We messaged for days on the weeks before my move and we really bonded. I was dazzled. I felt very comfortable talking to him and if I pictured us dating, it seemed like an okay thing to do. At the time, I thought I was something very close to in love. This "reunion" happened five months before I found out I was aromantic. When I moved, life was a big hectic. I had a new school and a new everything and we had to stop messaging. But I still thought about him every now and then, and the feelings would return. About six months passed and we started texting again. But this time, I had a brand new perspective. I knew how to distinguish between a crush and a squish now. I decided I would figure out just how I felt about him. Vet is the person I have liked most intensely in my whole life. So intensely, six months ago I was sure it was a crush. But when I thought about actually doing romantic related things with him (kissing, flirting, holding hands, etc), the good feelings I would get when I talk to him would be kind of.. ruined. I may be open to a relationship with him, but... I don't necessarily want one. This is fine. What we have is fine. And I realized all I really need is to have a friend. A close friend who will do all those things I mentioned (hugging, talking, understanding). That, for me, is enough. I don't need any more. From that world-turning moment I was sure: if I never got any closer to him than I am now, I would not mind. Actually, I would prefer it if things stayed just the way they are. We're close friends, we talk everyday and we share a bond. And it may not be a romantic bond, but it's the bond I have always wanted. Sorry if I just rambled and spammed for no reason.. I hope that helped somehow. In my case, I think I was.. I don't want to say in denial.. but confused about what I wanted. Asking my friends and analyzing my most intense "crush" helped me realize just what were my needs and that helped me feel a bit more comfortable with my identity. Thanks for reading this far πŸ˜‚
  3. Haii! I'm pretty new here. I just realized a couple of days ago all the "crushes" I had in my life were actually squishes. That was a bit life-changing for me. I always thought I was heteromantic and considered myself one of the most romantic people I knew. You can imagine, then, my surprise when I realized that nope, I have no clue what romantic attraction feels like. However, I have come across the term cupioromantic and everything made sense ...but also started to suck. For anyone who is not familiar with the term, a cupioromantic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction, but is open to (and may even really desire) a romantic relationship. So... I am aromantic as in I do not feel romantic attraction, but I can't help but feel left out in the aro community because I crave romance so much. I can't help it! I just do! I have even considered the possibility that I am just in denial of my orientation. I don't even know... There is just something about romantic relationships that I really really want! I really hope there are others out there that feel the same way... Let me know your opinions in the comments! ❀️ *NOTE: I have experienced repulsion to kissing, though. So I don't know if I like romantic relationships only in theory..? The thought of kissing did not bother me, but when it was the time to do it I was on the verge of a panic attack!*
  4. Hey! I'm sixteen and totally get you. I identify as cupioromantic, which means though I do not feel romantic attraction I still want a romantic relationship. Could this be what you are feeling? Anyway, being aromantic only means you do not feel romantic attraction, which can be pretty cool if you think about it. You don't have to worry about losing control and feeling all those scary things I've heard from people who experience those feelings. You get to "decide" who you like. And you get the advantage of seeing things from a logical perspective when it comes to dating! Hope I helped somehow... Best of luck, gurl ❀️
  5. I feel the exact same way. I wouldn't be opposed to having a romantic relationship and I maybe even desire one. I just never feel the romantic attraction.
  6. Not only romance indifferent, but romance positive. It's really annoying, but I can't control it
  7. The idea of kissing (on the lips) doesn't seem that bad, but irl I cannot do it (it brings nausea, panic, and much more upon me).
  8. One time a guy was hinting that he wanted to kiss me. My symptoms: I don't know if this makes sense... I could taste the adrenaline pumping in me My heart was beating VERY fast (not in a good way) I was shaking I felt nauseous
  9. For me: I feel really good around them. Nothing specific, just my brain releases a lot of endorphins when I'm around them and it makes me happy. I want to talk to them. I think about reasons to talk to them because I want to find out more about what they're like. I tend to want hugs from them. I usually really want them to hug me or really want to hug them (they can be so cute, it's really hard not to). I don't feel jealous. I think this is important to mention because from what I've heard from my allo friends, they get jealous if their crush likes someone or dates somebody. When my squish likes someone, I even help them date the person they like!
  10. I'm cupioromantic which means even though I can never feel romantic attraction because I am aromantic, I still really really want a romantic relationship and I love romance a little too much.
  11. I've had squishes on characters, if that counts..?
  12. I actually agree with this. I just want to feel it once. Just to see what's the big deal about it. But then I'd probably want to go back to being able to "pick my crushes" lol
  13. The worst thing is wanting a romantic relationship, but never being able to feel the romantic attraction. Like, it looks like something I would want so why don't I ever feel like thaaat My brain needs to make up its mind.
  14. When my friend leaned in to kiss me and I coughed on his face to avoid having a panic attack
  15. I felt this once, but it was very momentary. A guy I had a squish on put on his glasses and started studying for a test and I felt an urge to kiss him. It went away as soon as he took off the glasses and never came back (even when he put the glasses back on). It was really weird...
  16. I identify as cupioromantic or romance-positive aromantic and here are my answers: 1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" Very true for me 2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction" True..? I found out that in theory kissing is much more appealing than in real life, though. I almost had a panic attack when I thought I had to do the real thing. 3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" False. I feel open to be in a romantic relationship with multiple people (my squishes). 4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" I don't think I have enough experience to answer this appropriately. I love the idea of romance, but most of the time someone asks me out I say no unless it is long-distance. 5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" I don't quite understand this question. I would like to be in a romantic relationship because it seems nice to have someone that loves you deeply and will always be by your side. 6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" FALSE. Though I think I would turn them down. 7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" Very very true. 8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" TRUE. 9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" So so true. 10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" I can... just dating people. Or having a QPR. 11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" Not necessarily. I can live being single as long as I have at least one very close friend. 12. "I think dating sounds like fun" It just sounds like hanging out with friends, except exclusively. I like hanging out with friends, so I think I'd like dating.
  17. I have an additional question. Can you be aromantic and still write romance? I may have been exaggerating my feelings, but the root of them was there... I don't know if I just have an active imagination or if I'm not aro or IDK
  18. I went through the same struggles and here is how I came to the decision that I am aro: After reaaally thinking about it and asking my extremely straight and alloromantic friends some questions I came to a conclusion that all the "crushes" I had experienced were actually squishes and I am aro. That is because... I don't really get jealous of the "crushes" (which are actually squishes, I think). I asked my friends and they all said they feel very sad and mad and jealous when the person they have a crush on likes another person or dates someone else. I, in contrast, don't really care as long as we still hang out and are close friends (close enough to share hugs). Like mentioned above, I don't care if we're not dating as long as we are close friends. I don't really mind just being best friends with my "crushes". But my friends said they would be very sad if they were in that situation. Before, I thought I wanted to have, specifically, a romantic relationship with them since when I imagined myself dating them it seemed like an okay thing to do. But I feel like those images were sort of forced (if that makes any sense?) and it was more about me being open to that sort of relationship than me actually craving one. I don't feel a necessity for kissing and relationships. I also asked my friends how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to kiss someone on the lips for the rest of their lives. Most of them said they would feel as if they were missing something in their lives. I wouldn't care if that happened, on the other hand. I also asked how they would feel if they found out they would never be able to date anyone in their lives, only have really close friends. ALL of them said they would be devastated. I would not care. I think about romantic relationships differently. As I reflected on this topic, I realized that for me boyfriends/girlfriends were sort of like long-term best friends..? Dating in my mind was just going out with a really good friend like you normally would do. A relationship was just, really, a more intense friendship for me. In my mind, the only thing special about these romantic relationships were the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. And apparently that's not how everyone feels lol. Experience. So, I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to experience a romantic relationship (though most of it was long-distance). I felt like a lot of the things I would do/say were really forced..? It felt like I was just copying what I saw in movies. Additionally, though in my head the thought of kissing did not seem like the worst idea, when it came to the moment where the guy was going to do it... I don't know what came upon me. At the very moment I knew I could never do it. I felt like I would cry if I kissed him. It just felt totally against my nature. Also, the descriptions my friends gave of "crush symptoms" (lol) did not match mine. They said they felt butterflies and were constantly thinking about the person and fantasizing about holding hands and kissing them and what they'd look like together and they felt very nervous around them and had a deep yearning to see them and be around them constantly, etc. For me, I just feel really good around the person and want to hug them and (sometimes) kiss them (usually not in the lips, though). I think that is it so far. In summary, the reason why I thought I was alloromantic for such a long time was because the thought of dating didn't seem terrible at all! I actually really enjoyed the idea and wanted that for me because that is what I grew up with and saw constantly in the media. But I was confusing romantic attraction with intense platonic attraction and thought I had crushes when they were actually squishes. Hope that helped somehow Good luck!
  19. I thought I was straight then realized I am VERY asexual. Then I thought I was heteromantic which soon turned to panromantic with a few dreams, but after a long personal conversation with an alloromantic friend realized I am aromantic and the reason I could imagine myself going out with anyone is because I thought of dates as, like, exclusive friends hanging out (and it's not like that, apparently..?). So ya.
  20. I would not change my sexuality. I love being ace, and sex seems like a pointless distraction and just one more problem to worry about. No, thank you. This one of the things I am most sure of about myself and I love it and accept it ❀️ I would DEFINITELY change my romanticism. I love the idea of a romantic relationship and I want that for myself it is so annoying and frustrating that I don't feel the romantic feelings essential for such a relationship 😭 Or I'd take a pill to want romance less πŸ˜‚
  21. It's very confusing for me because my whole life I've always thought I'd had crushes. Only recently when I was talking to my alloromantic friend I realized "............shoot. I've never felt this way." I asked her a bunch of questions and by the end I was sure I had never experienced romantic attraction. But the thing is, I consider myself romance-positive. The idea of dating doesn't bother me at all. It actually seems like something I would want! However, I don't ever feel the romantic attraction which can be very frustrating. πŸ˜•
  22. I can relate to this in SUCH a deep level!! I was also confused when people said they were devastated that their crush is with someone else because I usually didn't care if my crush liked someone or was dating anyone. I thought I was just stronger emotionally and knew how to deal with rejection better or something πŸ˜‚ A crush was always someone I generally felt good around and so I allowed myself to think about them in a romantic way..? But they were all just squishes after all, I discovered very recently. I want this ❀️ I feel so happy when I hear stories like this ❀️❀️
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