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Everything posted by Kat

  1. I should be sleeping so why not do a random internet quiz. 1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" Absolutely not. Fictional romance makes romance in general very off putting and annoying. Fictional people need to get something called common sense or brain. 2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction" I'm not sure how to answer this question. I don't like everything about romantic relationships, I feel like people either aren't into them at all which is off putting or they get into them too much and that's off putting as well. 3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" No, there are plenty of women I'd love to date, unfortunately, they're either taken or of incompatible sexual orientation. Well, finding a compatible partner is not that easy in general. 4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" No and no. I don't like the idea of romance, it sounds like a bother but I can deal with the romance part in life rather well. It's the emotions part that gives me trouble. Sometimes I feel like everyone is an alien and puts importance to really unimportant stuff while ignoring the truly important ones. 5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" Absolutely. There is a lot of advantage in sharing a house with a person you are compatible with and sexually active with. 6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" Yes, I did like it in past and would like it in future. It's easier to deal with women who already have feelings for me than it is in trying to figure out if they do or working on developing them. 7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" Yes, I've been fine in a romantic relationship in past. 8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" I don't care. 9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" I don't care and, honestly, after seeing how ridiculously people act when high on crushes or being in love, I'd gladly pass. 10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" I don't care, I am who I am, I'll deal with that. 11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" Absolutely, like I mentioned above, having someone at your back is much easier than struggling alone. 12. "I think dating sounds like fun" It does. It's a lot of fun. When people know what they want and express that without making immature judgements. I haven't had a relationship like that yet, unfortunately.
  2. The greatest misconception I've heard was in an "educated" article about less known orientations which included aromantics. But it was explained as "unable to give to accept romantic gestures but will totally fall for you". It really made me wonder what that person was on. Being aromantic is not autistic or having no social skills and thus there is no logic behind claiming that we don't understand romantic gestures. Not to mention that it went directly against aro definition by claiming that the do fall in love. My brain couldn't comprehend that.
  3. No, the entire point of being aromantic is the lack of romantic attraction and thus the lack of romantic love. However, that doesn't exclude love in general. So while aros can love, they can't fall in love. Otherwise they wouldn't be aros.
  4. Hey, maybe late but I'm from there too.
  5. I understand, been there done that. It needs time for you to make peace with it and to accept it as part of your self. But the first, biggest step is to understand that there is logically nothing wrong with what you're feeling. Your subconscious will eventually follow suit even though it might take time. Or look at it this way, if I can live with myself so can you.
  6. I guess I struggled with the same issues. I just learned to laugh at the "shallow and self-interested" thing. As long as you don't hurt anyone what's the big deal about your preferences? Why should you care about anyone's opinions? I suppose being homosexual made me deal with this on a completely different level and being called shallow for being honest about what attracts me is the least of my worries. I've been called worse over that and I'm still here.
  7. I suppose this is the problem here, the only way to know if I can have them is to actually have one. Without that I don't know what they feel like. My bad, I didn't know how else to describe it. I doubt there has ever been a word invented for what I'm trying to describe. Yeah, I'm still working on that myself. I couldn't agree more. Are you my long lost twin? I'm kinda curious about your "aro story" (why you think you're not a typical bug infested romantic) since we seem to be quite alike, it might be insightful to read that, if you don't mind. I hear ya! I just wanted to explain why I thought what I thought since that's kind of the point of this thread.
  8. Heh, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Though, I was told that people like me are very shallow and self-centered. Welcome to the club of assholes, I suppose. I did. Not in this way though. You see, the phrase "Romantic Attraction" exists in my native tongue but sounds extremely awkward and weird. I doubt that people who don't speak English (like my gf) would even get the meaning and it would be impossible to deliver the point without using a variation of "I'm not in love with you and I might never be.". Even in context, this ought to be in top 10 of "Sentences that signal the end of relationships" list. I've seen and heard of so many cases that two compatible people broke up just because one didn't fall in love with the other, it's crazy! Why do people need freaking flying bugs in their intestines to be happy? What is wrong with humanity? Seriously though, my intentions would be 100% misunderstood. I'm willing to discuss it when it becomes relevant, I have no intention of lying to her but at this point, it would do a lot of harm and no good. Not to mention that romantic love is so deeply ingrained in the society that vast majority of people wouldn't even understand asexuality which actually has physical manifestation. I doubt anyone could even imagine what aromanticism means. But we did discuss that I'm not very emotional and not good at expressing emotions and that it doesn't mean I don't care for her. (I intentionally used the word for "care for", I care for her, I care for my friends, I care for my family, I care for my pets, etc.) She replied that she didn't notice anything like that, so I assume she is fine with the level of my (non-)expression. As for romantic displays, I do that. She seems very.... emotional? She's a person who has her heart on her sleeve. And I really like making people around me happy (I often end up low on money just because I like treating my poorer friends for drinks or meals.) so it's easy to see what works for her and what doesn't. Anyways, she's the type who likes romantic displays so I do that in the way that is comfortable to me: cheesy one liners (I seem to be really good at those), buying flowers, paying attention to her likes/dislikes, taking her to places that are popular with couples etc. It might not be completely genuine (especially the one liners) but it makes her happy so it makes me feel like I did my job right. Me and my gf agreed to openly discuss whatever we need so I mention stuff like this ocassionaly. She didn't seem to mind anything yet. Another reason I don't want to risk this as we are very compatible. Out of the women I know (a lot) I met only two this compatible with me, my current gf and a straight girl (though, she did say she would date me if I were a guy). And my current gf has a lot in common with me, including relationship planning (we literally see the relationship timeline and priorities the same way, whether it gets to "marriage", moving in together, children, etc. we literally have the same ideal timeline or other stuff like number of kids, ideal house, pets, we even want to move to the same town ....). It just seems stupid to risk this over a misunderstanding that doesn't even play a role in the relationship. Good question. I suppose that's just how I'm wired? Someone once told me that you are either open to polyamory or you aren't. And both is okay, both is simply what we need in relationships. I wouldn't mind trying a polyamorous relationship but I can't imagine this working for life partnership. Besides, I doubt I would even find a woman genuinely willing to do this. And despite being... non-traditional at core (potentially aro and homosexual), I'm fairly traditional in life otherwise. I support gender roles (though, I think people should be allowed to pick which gender role they want) and I do think that a relationship should contain one person of male gender role and one of female gender role. I did indirectly say this to my gf because I said "I can't imagine being a mother, I would do better as a dad." her response was "Well, you can be the dad in our family." Also, it also seems easiest to maintain and focus my life on as 2 partners would require twice as much attention and I'm a very busy person. I work full time, I'm a president of a volunteering organisation and travel almost every weekend. If my partner had another partner I wouldn't consider this relationship serious. Call me conservative but I just wouldn't. There is no commitment and no guarantee that the person will be able to commit to something as serious as a living arrangement or family with children. Committed relationship seems basically the first "check" that the partner would be ready for a family. Which I plan in the future. Also traveling, free time activity, etc. is easier to plan in fewer people. I'm the same so this approach is the best for me. Thank you. Your insight really helps and sorry for the rant.
  9. Thank you, I will talk to her about that and see where it goes.
  10. Hey guys, Recently, I started wondering about my romantic orientation and I hope you will help me. I just want to add that I'm certainly not an asexual. My interest in romance was never... anything more than casual, as in I wanted to be in a relationship since everyone acts like it's the best thing ever but pursued a relationship only 3 times. The first one was when I was 22 because until then I was busy with school and didn't have time to date or to bother with my sexual orientation. The first two times lasted just a month and I was genuinely happy when it was over. It was very nerve wracking for me, constantly wondering what I was supposed to do at that specific point. In the end I broke up with them because we had very little in common and it seemed pointless to date them. I'm in my 3rd relationship now and while the girl is really cute and sweet, it seems like... she feels more in the relationship than I do and that kind of scares me. We have a lot in common, she's funny and really hot. But the PDA weirds me out (maybe because we're a same-sex couple). She seems very eager to cuddle, kiss, hold hands and stuff. I just really want to grope her. I also noticed that my touches are more of sexual nature (waist, butt, legs, lips) and it feels odd touching her in any other way (though, I dislike touching people normally so this is still an upgrade). She also constantly goes on and on about how she's worried that someone else will steal me and stuff but I've never been jealous, in general. She's not the "nagging" girlfriend who would constantly ask who I was with, she's very positive whenever I talk about my female friends. This just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't feel like something is "missing" as many people put it when there is no romantic attraction to someone. I like hanging out with her and want to continue the relationship I just want to figure out where I'm at before I talk to her, I don't want to risk hurting her feelings unless necessary nor I want to risk us breaking up. As for crushes, I'm not sure if I ever had any. I realised that I confuse "crush" with admiration. Like, I get the feeling of being "attracted" to someone I admire (regardless of gender) but if I don't find them attractive I would never ever date them or do anything intimate. It probably doesn't make any sense and it confuses me too. In any case, I'm not sure how were these 2 crushes (admiration + physical attraction) actually crushes as I never had the traditional symptoms of feeling nervous, butterflies, blushing, whatnot that people usually associate with crushes (and it seriously sounds like they need medical help). I just found them hot and well established women (in both cases they mastered something I was learning). Though, usually I found this admiration for both sexes and then it boils down to: "Am I attracted to him/her or not? (S)He is not hot, so nah." Romance in media never interested me, quite the opposite, I find it very annoying and I usually skip over any scene that involves it. People just act so irrational and outright stupid often for no reason and usually don't even have anything in common. It completely escapes me how anyone could date a person with whom they have nothing in common with like Penny and Leonard from TBBT. I also never understood the "(s)he hurt me but I'm staying with her/him because I love him/her" it sounds like an excuse and a dumb one. As for relationships, my ideal one would be something like exclusive friends with benefits with very limited touching aside from sex. What are your thoughts?
  11. YMBAI when people around you talk about what crushes feel like and to you it sounds like a serious medical condition.
  12. I liked Romeo and Julliet because they die at the end. Just kidding. I usually like very subtle romances that usually don't even get a single kiss in the medium. Or the kiss is unintentional (such as mouth to mouth resuscitation or giving someone air underwater). For some reason I never liked romances where it's obvious they fall for each other since the very beginning. Also, I really like purely sexual "romances". Not FWBs but more like... angry romances? You know, they don't really like each other but end up having random sex encounters.
  13. Hey guys, Kat here, I'm just a random confused person slowly getting old, who spent most of her life single and didn't really care. I'm not yet sure where I'm on the (a)romantic scale but I started considering aromaticism for a while now. My only problem is that no one seems to have a satisfying definition of aromantic or romantic attraction. So, I came here hopefully to figure out what is up with me.
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