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Being Aromantic is Awesome, Actually.


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A lot of allos (and aros too!) often feel that being aromantic is lonely and depressing.

I disagree. I think being aromantic is awesome. I find it liberating and comfortable :-)

To help clear up the misconception, why would you say being aromantic is awesome?

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You get to be free from the chains of some obsession with a person, you don’t have to worry about any of that and your full focus can be on what YOU want. It’s liberating to say the least to know that you can easily dodge the bullet that it relationships (of the romantic variation) and get out of school unscathed. You don’t have to depend on anyone for love and companionship, it could just be a close friend or family that you need. You are relieved of a massive economic burden as well, no wedding costs, no spending big on an anniversary (possibly) and you can treat yourself! :D

It means that you will not be interrupted in your pursuit of your interests and desires, everything is much closer and in reach. Being aro (and ace) is just awesome and I wouldn’t change a thing.

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I think aros experience are very different so it's hard to say something general about it. For me personally I've never wanted a romantic partner so I don't have to spend time and effort looking for one, or getting my heart broken when a relationship ends, like my allo friends.

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Like how others here have said, I don't have to worry about a romantic relationship (or even a queerplatonic one, for me) and I could focus on meeting/accomplishing my own personal life goals (a career I'm comfortable with, hobbies, pursuits, sure, but also traveling and adventure) without any interruptions (maybe calling a romantic interest an "interruption" is kind of harsh, but that's literally what it would be for me and for a few others here I see).

I can see myself making more of a difference without being burdened by a romantic relationship, and can see myself at my most happiest, whimsiest, and in control when I'm surrounded by family and friends, or when I'm on my own.

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2 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

Like how others here have said, I don't have to worry about a romantic relationship (or even a queerplatonic one, for me) and I could focus on meeting/accomplishing my own personal life goals (a career I'm comfortable with, hobbies, pursuits, sure, but also traveling and adventure) without any interruptions (maybe calling a romantic interest an "interruption" is kind of harsh, but that's literally what it would be for me and for a few others here I see).

I can see myself making more of a difference without being burdened by a romantic relationship, and can see myself at my most happiest, whimsiest, and in control when I'm surrounded by family and friends, or when I'm on my own.

I swear we’re like the aromantic kindred spirits.

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8 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

If your just aromantic you're partially incapable of the sin of lust but if your aroace your INCAPABLE OF A SIN I guess although I don't even really believe in religion.

I mean I’ve never looked at anyone and been like “oh yeah I wanna have sex with this person” I’d much rather just watch arousing content and nothing more. 

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Its really uncomfortable to talk about stuff like this but I just straight up feel an instant feeling of disgust run through my veins any time I see anything sex-related.

1 minute ago, HelloThere said:

I mean I’ve never looked at anyone and been like “oh yeah I wanna have sex with this person” I’d much rather just watch arousing content and nothing more. 

 

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Just now, SwiftySpeedy said:

Its really uncomfortable to talk about stuff like this but I just straight up feel an instant feeling of disgust run through my veins any time I see anything sex-related.

Yeah sorry I didn’t mean to bring it up but I’ll do a lot to talk to people so yeah we can change the conversation if you want.

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5 minutes ago, Picklethewickle said:

I really like being aromantic. I don't feel it as a lack of something, I feel it like my love takes a different shape. I care about people for themselves, not for the emotions and attachments they give me.

Yeah, that’s a pretty good way of seeing it. There’s no lack of emotion, it’s just a different kind. Rather than wanting to be with someone and commit forever, you can just be close friends or platonic partners in a way. Everytime that I really get shown that romance isn’t in me, I just feel comfort knowing people stay friends.

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My whole life romance felt like an obligation, like something that I HAD to get done in order to live a Happy Fulfilling Life. To me, it felt like a school assignment that I had to complete. Imagine stressing over a big school assignment you've been putting off, only to get an email from the teacher informing you that the assignment is now optional, and you're free to forget about it. That's the feeling I got once I learned this about myself. I no longer feel forced to give a shit. Also seeing how "universal" the feeling of heartbreak is (literally like 75% of song lyrics are about it), and being somewhat immune to this commonly experienced feeling of misery gives me a bit of a smug sense of superiority.

5btycr.jpg

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34 minutes ago, Poopyguy47 said:

My whole life romance felt like an obligation, like something that I HAD to get done in order to live a Happy Fulfilling Life. To me, it felt like a school assignment that I had to complete. Imagine stressing over a big school assignment you've been putting off, only to get an email from the teacher informing you that the assignment is now optional, and you're free to forget about it. That's the feeling I got once I learned this about myself. I no longer feel forced to give a shit. Also seeing how "universal" the feeling of heartbreak is (literally like 75% of song lyrics are about it), and being somewhat immune to this commonly experienced feeling of misery gives me a bit of a smug sense of superiority.

5btycr.jpg

Oh same, I never knew there was an obligation, generally I just thought that’d change at some point. So then when I started being more vocal about not wanting kids (I’d never really wanted kids, and when I talked about them it was always hypothetical), and then my parents made me realize: “Holy crap, it’s considered a responsibility!” I didn’t realize to what extent until I told my parents more expressly that I don’t want to marry, and now knowing that I might actually not need marriage, dating, or romance as a whole just gives me the smug satisfaction of being right, and knowing I won’t have to deal with that stuff. Like in movies where the villain refers to marriage and dating as a waste of career potential I’m just like “well she ain’t wrong, and I’d prefer a happy career over a wife any day!”

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On 6/4/2023 at 3:52 AM, cerimonials said:

To help clear up the misconception, why would you say being aromantic is awesome?

image.png.e36b38dca310da00bdfb784bfbb15a45.png
There's nobody around who posts images with sassy captions about my problems for the whole world to see, without consent.

And I don't miss it.

Ok, I now hear you saying: "But wait, isn't this just the bad apples?"

Yes, yes. But the fact that this got 65.5k 😠 upvotes still shows how widely accepted such behavior is for romantic partners.

Edited by DeltaAro
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I feel very free knowing I don't have a need for a partner. I also have more time for my other relationships, and I can build deep and caring relations with my friends and family. It's something I really appreciate, because I love connecting with people and being there for them.

At the same time, I have a found a new sense of individuality and independance. I don't feel like I "need" another person in my life to rely on anymore. (Obviously, it's not bad to have someone to rely on, I just don't know how else to phrase it.)

I've felt the positivity of the community and I feel very welcome and recognized here. It's one of the best perks in my opinion, because it felt very lonely to not care about romance like others around me have and still do. Now I just listen, and try to understand while being able to recognize and accept that it just doesn't feel the same for me and that's okay.

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  • 1 month later...
On 8/4/2023 at 16:01, jesus dario said:

Es simple, un chico arrogante no significa que pueda amar los deportes, los juegos, las películas o una canción.

El hecho de ser un chico arromántico no significa que pueda amar las cosas de alguien ejemplo: juegos o videojuegos escribir o hacer dibujos, escuchar una canción de los 70's, pop rock de los 80's recordar viejos momentos viendo películas de televisión como triller de acción de terror y otros.

Un chico arromántico es aquel que no siente orientación romántica es la ausencia de la misma atracción romántica.

Las citas asi con copas, de enredaderas o cuentos de princesa son ridiculas no tengo friki no nervioso, solo es que soy un chico arromantico.

A mi cuerpo me besó un chico arromántico o una chica arromántica tiene que lavarse la boca para recibir un beso la higiene bucal es cuestión.

Digo por mí, disculpe, gracias, Huggins.

🤗

 

 

On 8/4/2023 at 16:07, jesus dario said:

No creo que no o sí, tal vez podría, me amé de una niña en el grado 4, pero el espectro aromático dentro de mí es fuerte.

 

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I feel the same. The peace and freedom is priceless. I briefly tried talking to a few guys out of a sense of 'fear of missing out' in these recent years and I ended up rejecting both because it wasn't worth it. One changed and started "joking" about blowjobs and swallowing all the time and the other wanted a serious relationship which I really didn't. I quickly realized I wasn't missing out on anything at all. 

I had an amusing moment at my weekly ukulele club once. For some reason the topic of marriage came up and people were joking about their annoying spouses and I said 'I'm so glad I'm never getting married.' An older woman piped up 'It'll happen.' I blurted out without thinking 'No I won't. I think marriage is basically psychological adrenalectomy.' I have never before in all my 33 years of life seen an entire group of people shut up in perfect unison before. I genuinely wasn't trying to be edgy or win some sort of banter battle - I was just caught off guard and blurted out what I truly thought.

Edited by Synthetic Adrenaline
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  • 6 months later...

For me, and this is just me talking specifically about my perspective on my aromanticism (as everyone's experiences are different on the spectrum), is I feel relief at being able to see beyond amatonormativity as the main aspiration in life. I'm sure there are people who partake in amatonormativity in a healthy, balanced way where both people may be in a committed relationship to one another but they have mutual respect and they are able to live as individuals who have their own interests and life pursuits without the whole relationship eating up their individualism and independence. However, I feel this is very hard to do as amatonormativity and the expectations and pressures of it, even if the involved individuals do not want to actively be part of the more problematic behaviors and normalization in amatonormativity, are difficult to break from in this society that keeps normalizing romantically-coded behaviors.

One thing I highly dislike which is associated with amatonormativity is that the other person becomes your whole world or your "other half", as if an actual human being could ever fulfill all your wants and desires. This is a false and dangerous human-made narrative. People often search their whole lives for a unicorn that doesn't exist. Romantic love is not the only kind of love people can have and it should not be the priority people become so fixated with having from a young age. People also take it too far with the extremes and skewedness of what they assume romantic love is meant to be (e.g. becoming obsessed with the person and wanting to spend 24/7 with them) to just how mentally unstable someone can become from the loss of that (e.g. becoming depressed or suicidal).

I never want to be that!! Loss of individualism is the loss of self worth and I feel sorry for many alloromantics who are a victim of love conditioning and believe the pursuit of romantic love in the most greedy and selfish way is the end goal of life.

Edited by Raininspring
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I love single life and freedom! I love living alone and take care about myself and my life, just me and nobody else. I can do everything what I want and I don't have to take care about somebody, like "don't do this or that because it's unpleasant to me" 

I like to say with exaggeration "I'm a woman and man in one person in my household" I earn the money, take care about finance and do all the house works. Just me for myself, I don't want to do this for somebody else who would "hinder" in my space...

I have never understood why people say "dear half", I'm a whole human, not just a "half"!

I tried to be in relationship and live with him, and no more! Single life is the best for me and I will never change it. And I don't feel I miss something, I miss nothing.

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I am pretty comfortable with my aromanticism on itself, the only issue in my opinion is misjudgement and lack of understanding from some people (which in my case luckily happens to be in the past - I left that environment long ago) and pressure of amatonormativity in pop culture, Internet spaces and such. Being aromantic on itself is pretty cool if you don't bother with unreasonably judgemental opinions. And I agree a lot with Raininspring above about being able to see things clearer, safer from obsessions and unhealthy behaviors that alloromantic people often overlook whether being blinded by passion or convinced by amatonormative stereotypes. 

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Another thing I love about being aromantic that maybe others can relate to, is the proving allos wrong part simply by existing. It can feel isolating to basically be considered a non-existent type of human, but I can't help but smile a shit eating grin when others say that "everyone looks for love." I don't experience attraction in a way that alloros specifically experience and that alloros immediately assume others to feel on the first meeting. I don't need a romantic relationship that some alloros tend to feel will complete them, and I can literally have a clear mind while watching romance without feeling like I need that. it did take quite a long while for me and for many others (sometimes, ofc) to feel okay with not experiencing romantic attraction, or for not experiencing it in a considered normative way, but once I could accept myself for who and what I am, I feel a type of immense joy that only a hand few selected alloros may also feel.

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