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Platonic dating, share your experience


Holmbo
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I'm thinking about dating platonically once the pandemic calms down. To create some online profile stating that I'm aromantic asexual and looking for friendships that are a bit outside what's considered normal platonic relationship. That include cuddling, maybe some kissing and emotional intimacy. Not necessarily a qpr because I don't want to be someone's "special someone". I won't consider that friendship better than my other ones. But I feel hesitant because it feels so personal putting it all out there in a public dating place. I don't normally talk in debt about my orientation to people who don't know anything about a-spec. 

So I was curious to hear about others experience of dating platonically. What did you do and how was it?

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I never dated with this intention, but I am starting to try QPR.  I know you wrote you don't search for that but I feel like its a similar Problem.

I am wondering how to do that . Many people just skip your profile when they see 'Aromantic' without thinking twice. But not making it clear from the beginning is also really stressfull and I don't know... 

My dates, never were romantic in the first place necause I act so casual and friendsy around my dates that I get 'Friendzoned' immediately.

 

Maybe searching for a BFF would be the right course... Some of my friends told me that they were so close with their BFFs that they cuddle and Kiss. (Though I really don't know how tgey got there) 

 

Sorry for not being so much of a help ><

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Yep, I'm sorta in the same boat. I'd like to be close to someone in that way, but not romantically. I recently started considering a QPR. But that's a new concept for me, and I don't know how that works or how people eventually get into them. And I also totally get not wanting to be someone's "special someone." I'd love a "cuddle buddy", but It wouldn't have to be exclusive, you know? Like pretty much exactly what you stated above. But how many other people would realistically go for that?? Obviously it's a thing, otherwise posts like this wouldn't exist, but how does one find someone like that? I'm anxious for someone to reply who's actually gotten there. ?

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11 hours ago, Aversa said:

I am wondering how to do that . Many people just skip your profile when they see 'Aromantic' without thinking twice. But not making it clear from the beginning is also really stressfull and I don't know... 

Yeah, me too. I’d wish to have a “queerplatonic dating app”

sometimes I’d love to try out a qpr, but I don’t know how to find one and “normal dating” or to register on a dating app with allos scares me off

 @Holmbo I understand that it may seem too personal to write it on your profile, but I believe that’s the best/fairest way to act..

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1 hour ago, Acecream said:

sometimes I’d love to try out a qpr, but I don’t know how to find one and “normal dating” or to register on a dating app with allos scares me off

Yes, exactly! I've thought about it, just to maybe make a new friend, but then I know why most other people are on there, so I'm just like "...um, no thanks."

I'm starting to feel like we're all just treading water in here. ? Except I can't swim... ?

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10 hours ago, InvisibleSquid said:

Yes, exactly! I've thought about it, just to maybe make a new friend, but then I know why most other people are on there, so I'm just like "...um, no thanks."

I'm starting to feel like we're all just treading water in here. ? Except I can't swim... ?

I always use Bumble Bff side to make new Friends. Its chill because nobody wants more then that and well I also mentioned on both my Profiles that I'd like to try  a QPR. 

I but it on Bunble  BFF as well because I think the chance to find someone on that 'Level' might be higher. 

I don't expect much but maybe I find some close friends :>

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On 3/22/2021 at 6:42 AM, Aversa said:

I always use Bumble Bff side to make new Friends. Its chill because nobody wants more then that and well I also mentioned on both my Profiles that I'd like to try  a QPR.

Ah, okay. I've heard of that app. I might have a look.

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I tried to use a dating app to look for possible partners for cuddles but I did not put I was aroace at the moment (I did not know I was ace at the moment and I suggested I did not saw relationships from a normal perspective) and to be honest it was not sooo bad. People texted me back trying to look for sex and trying to change me mostly. I stopped after a week because it felt wrong and I felt that I would not find anyone this way.

That was my experience, maybe if you state it clearly from the beginning it can be different, but I can understand the scary part because you are exposing a part of you that normal people who use dating apps cannot relate to. My advice is to try it, give yourself a time period to see if it works. If you see many negativity just delete the account and move on. This way, you gave it a try and the people who write you are at some point interested in your profile. Also, you don't have to say you are aro per se, say you are looking for a friendship outside societal norms and no sex (if that is what you want). and if someone writes you, at least you know they are willing to try something along those lines. It is a trial and error but I see no other way to find someone other than looking for it. I did not have a great experience, but maybe you do ^^ hope that whatever you do works out for you

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  • 2 weeks later...
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As far as platonic dating goes, I use queer apps like taimi to look for cuddle companions + friendships. While I do want a QPR/QPP or just to be platonically in a Polyamorous Relationship I'm not in a place to pursue one. There's also discord groups for finding QPPs/ ace/Aro dating.

It would be awesome to have an app like that! Gets a bit tiresome explaining how things would work to people that are under the ace/Aro umbrella.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm a computer science student. It's my first year, and we didn't learn how to make apps, but I don't think it would be much different from making a PC programm.

If there are people who are interested in doing it, maybe I could help a bit ^^

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  • 4 weeks later...

I can code in python hah (not sure it's that great for mobile apps lol) and a bit of js yeah this should be a thing tho for sure (the dating app)

I think important things would be like which framework to use/language, what kind of UI you want. You could even use a existing template perhaps? Then otherwise what features to have but I guess it would be modelled on existing things. I would be happy to help out at least direct a little if anyone was interested in making something lol

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On 5/27/2021 at 8:05 AM, mewix said:

I can code in python hah (not sure it's that great for mobile apps lol) and a bit of js yeah this should be a thing tho for sure (the dating app)

I think important things would be like which framework to use/language, what kind of UI you want. You could even use a existing template perhaps? Then otherwise what features to have but I guess it would be modelled on existing things. I would be happy to help out at least direct a little if anyone was interested in making something lol

Most apps for android are written in java and for IOS in objective C I believe. Not sure if you can use python or not.

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8 hours ago, void said:

Most apps for android are written in java and for IOS in objective C I believe. Not sure if you can use python or not.

I mean ya technically can I think at least for android there are tools for it but it's not common though, something about using the java virtual machine with it.

Javascript is actually good for web apps tho but yea for native apps for android java is the chosen language. 

Java as a language is kinda a little hmm clunky imo and old fashioned but it does the job for sure.

I think in the a next google OS to replace android they will not use java x3 I do know a very basic amount though. 

I think though having a seperate language for both ios and android for development seems a bit too much either pick a platform or use a language or framework that works for both, and that doesn't need to be the native coding language often things like C# or javascript based. There are frameworks that allow you to develop for both as I know of.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/31/2021 at 8:01 AM, mewix said:

I mean ya technically can I think at least for android there are tools for it but it's not common though, something about using the java virtual machine with it.

Javascript is actually good for web apps tho but yea for native apps for android java is the chosen language. 

Java as a language is kinda a little hmm clunky imo and old fashioned but it does the job for sure.

I think in the a next google OS to replace android they will not use java x3 I do know a very basic amount though. 

I think though having a seperate language for both ios and android for development seems a bit too much either pick a platform or use a language or framework that works for both, and that doesn't need to be the native coding language often things like C# or javascript based. There are frameworks that allow you to develop for both as I know of.

Im pretty sure xamarin .net works for both IOS and android. Also where did you hear android is getting replaced, never heard of that but im not really into smartphone app dev tbf.

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On 5/31/2021 at 8:01 AM, mewix said:

I think in the a next google OS to replace android they will not use java x3 I do know a very basic amount though. 

Do you mean Fuschia? I don't think it will replace Android soon. And when it will be the case (if it is), Android would still be used for some time, it's hard to make people switch to a different thing.

Also @void, yeah, Xamarin works for iOS and Android (I don't know a lot about it though, but I should learn it next year I think)

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On 4/25/2021 at 1:07 PM, QueerAroAce said:

As far as platonic dating goes, I use queer apps like taimi to look for cuddle companions + friendships. While I do want a QPR/QPP or just to be platonically in a Polyamorous Relationship I'm not in a place to pursue one. There's also discord groups for finding QPPs/ ace/Aro dating.

It would be awesome to have an app like that! Gets a bit tiresome explaining how things would work to people that are under the ace/Aro umbrella.

can u please give me some discord links for finding qpp servers? because im struggling to find servers like this honestly and im interested in finding a platonic partner

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16 hours ago, Théotime said:

Do you mean Fuschia? I don't think it will replace Android soon. And when it will be the case (if it is), Android would still be used for some time, it's hard to make people switch to a different thing.

Also @void, yeah, Xamarin works for iOS and Android (I don't know a lot about it though, but I should learn it next year I think)

Yeah it's quite true it probably won't replace it at least not so quickly, it is kinda experimental and also to replace chrome os at the same time more just a long term thing. But I still think generally I see a downwards trend for java for newer projects I don't often hear people say "lets use java" unless its a requirement of building upon something, java will be around for a long time ofc and jobs for it. 

 

 

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