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I had an aromantic panic when my mom started discussing romantic relationships with me recently, and said, "I really want that for you," and " I don't want you to be holding yourself back because of me and my past choices," and "I don't want you thinking you don't deserve that," all of that jazz.

I ended up telling her that I literally just don't think about those types of relationships at all, and that if I had to try to make myself feel something emotionally for another human being, then maybe it wasn't meant to be because "other people" don't have to try to fall in love. She still doesn't know I'm aro, but I told her, "Although this may sound somewhat extreme, I just want you to know that if I ever end up in a future where I still have no one, I'll be happy." It was the closest I got to actually straight up coming out to her by almost saying, "Hey, I literally can't feel romantically for others of any gender, and that's why I haven't tried dating, at all." I have a feeling that it would be 50/50 in how she'd react if I said that; either she would understand surprisingly, or she would think it would be one of those thing that could ~change in the future~ when she should instead see the validity of who I am in the moment, and not some made up version of me in 8 years.

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  • 3 weeks later...

My professor was mentioning having a first crush and how everyone has them because of a book that mentioned this story how this Chinese girl fell in love with the minister's son who was white and I was like no, not me with a confused look on my face.

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I love it how whenever I'm in an English class, and there's a paper we're writing that's even remotely connected to love, I just burst whatever bubble the prompt forms in class and write a paper about how genuinely unromantic the piece we're reading is; despite the fact that I typically like romance, but some of the old shit is just facepalming material.

Or sometimes the relationship in the text is very fucking gay, but no one likes queer theory/analogy ever in English, unless you have a very chill teacher.

Edited by The Newest Fabled Creature
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  • 2 weeks later...

I genuinely don't understand why couples need to hold hands. In the context of a parent holding a child's hand, I can see it being necessary if the parent is the caretaker and holding the child's hand helps ensure the child doesn't get lost or wander off. But for people who are in a committed relationship, I just don't get it. I've always associated hand holding as something for children. I remember getting to the preteen age phase and my mother still, for whatever reason, wanted to hold my hand whenever we crossed the street and I found it uncomfortable as I didn't see myself as a little child anymore. In another context, once I went hiking with my brother and his girlfriend at the time. He wanted to hold her hand as they both walked. She refused, mostly because both of them were sweaty and she felt gross. I, however, felt repulsed that it wasn't already enough that he was walking side by side with her and was physically close to her but also needed to be even more clingy by wanting to hold her hand. Ugh. 

Edited by Raininspring
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I was walking on the street, right behind a romantic couple, holding hands. I couldn't help but wonder how they truly feel about their relationship. And then I somehow got an image like this in my head …

couple-handcuffed-together-portrait-unha

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Holding hands actually can have much more meanings than romantic. I hold my mother's and my sister's hands so that they'd know without loud words that I'm there, they can count on me and tell about their feelings or issues if they want to and I won't be disturbed and will try to help, at least emotionally if I can't help physically. Or that I myself am in need of emotional support right now and am trusting them. That probably does have something to do with child instincts you mentioned, allowing you or the other person to feel openly vulnerable like a child instead of bottling it, but also a promise to keep them safe, and communicate emotional support without words. I don't know how to describe better. 

Edited by Ekaterina
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  • 2 weeks later...

My brother was talking about how he used to buy this pretty girl coffee when he went to my school. He would always pay for the dates and didn't like when women would pay for the dates. I was like I don't understand but okay.

My professor was like imagine dealing with the grief of your married partner dying and I was like hmm how am I supposed to imagine this with something else... I thought about asking him what the non-romantic version of this would be but I decided not to because I feel like him and my class would think I'm weird.

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Freshman year of high school my boyfriend broke up with me over text early in the morning. My mom happened to see it on my phone screen before I woke up and was ready to console me, even asking if I was okay to go to school that day. During school, I told my friends and got so much sympathy that I didn't feel was necessary. One friend asked me to rate my heartbreak on a scale of 1-10. Don't remember my answer but I think it might have been 4 or 5 (I was absolutely exaggerating for appearances) and my friends were surprised it was so low but chalked it up to "I guess he wasn't that great anyway." Actually, I was hella relieved. Both because I disliked being in a relationship and because he was the worst boyfriend I'd had before or since.

Added bit for the tea: A while later he tried to ask out my best friend and then asked to get back together when she turned him down. Obviously said no lol

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Personally I don't understand the assumption that if I styled my hair differently or look more dressed up that usual that I must be doing it for a "special occasion" (a date?). I make myself look particular ways because I wanted to, not to look good for someone else.

I also don't really get the point of actually dressing up for the benefit of impressing someone I might be interested in. Why would I go to that effort when the chances are they won't even notice? I can't see myself behaving differently on a date from just a regular hangout with someone. I'd rather the person see me as I usually behave instead of a false version of myself I present to be pleasing to others.

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4 hours ago, Raininspring said:

Personally I don't understand the assumption that if I styled my hair differently or look more dressed up that usual that I must be doing it for a "special occasion" (a date?). I make myself look particular ways because I wanted to, not to look good for someone else.

Very true. Once I was ironing this new pair of pants I got so they'd be ready to wear and I just happened to be doing so before going to hang out with a new guy friend, so my mom came to the conclusion that I was going on a date and was poking me about it. I didn't even wear those pants in the end lol

But even if I did, like, I just want to feel good when I go outside by wearing things I like? Why does it have to be assumed that I want some kind of attention from others when I wear the nice clothes I picked out for myself?

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3 hours ago, kira- said:

when my whole class is talking abt their celebrity crushes (which make zero sense)

My professor made us imagine us dating Chris Hemsworth or Jennifer Fox as a thought exercise.

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When my 5 very all roommates are talking! No mather about what, just whenever they talk:

One has a boyfriend

One keeps going back to her ex, but this last time it really got nasty

One likes someome who likes her back but niether of them are acting on it(srs why) 

One whose boyfriend from 2 years ago still text her

And one who has gone a couple dates with someone but they are not exclusive yet

So yes i have aro moments every single hours of day 

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On 2/8/2024 at 2:58 PM, Raininspring said:

I genuinely don't understand why couples need to hold hands. In the context of a parent holding a child's hand, I can see it being necessary if the parent is the caretaker and holding the child's hand helps ensure the child doesn't get lost or wander off. But for people who are in a committed relationship, I just don't get it. I've always associated hand holding as something for children. I remember getting to the preteen age phase and my mother still, for whatever reason, wanted to hold my hand whenever we crossed the street and I found it uncomfortable as I didn't see myself as a little child anymore. In another context, once I went hiking with my brother and his girlfriend at the time. He wanted to hold her hand as they both walked. She refused, mostly because both of them were sweaty and she felt gross. I, however, felt repulsed that it wasn't already enough that he was walking side by side with her and was physically close to her but also needed to be even more clingy by wanting to hold her hand. Ugh. 

I kind of never associated hand-holding as romantic for a long time, so when I saw people doing it at a young age I just thought they were wanting to be physically close in that regard, and I kind of only ever saw my gal-friends do it with each other so there was a ton of platonic feedback around doing the action. Now that I'm older all I ever hear is "how romantic" hand-holding is, and I often don't like doing it. I kind of only ever hold hands with family members or friends, to show them I'm there and I feel like when I hold hands with people I care for platonically and familially it has a more deeper and sacred meaning than any romantic interpretation, but I still often don't do it.

On 3/1/2024 at 8:29 PM, Raininspring said:

Personally I don't understand the assumption that if I styled my hair differently or look more dressed up that usual that I must be doing it for a "special occasion" (a date?). I make myself look particular ways because I wanted to, not to look good for someone else.

I also don't really get the point of actually dressing up for the benefit of impressing someone I might be interested in. Why would I go to that effort when the chances are they won't even notice? I can't see myself behaving differently on a date from just a regular hangout with someone. I'd rather the person see me as I usually behave instead of a false version of myself I present to be pleasing to others.

Sorry to quote you for a second time, but I absolutely despise this, too. I normally put a lot into my appearance nowadays (or I just fuss over myself too much), and so it has became quite normal to my family and friends for me to look more up kept, or for me to constantly check my hair. But, when I first start doing that around the time my hair was cut super short (boy's cut) my mom kept on asking me why I was fussing over myself, why I was wearing a unique combination of clothes, why was I yada yada yada. I ended up telling her, "It's because I want to signal "to my people,"" and that got her to shut up lmao

Edited by The Newest Fabled Creature
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On 3/2/2024 at 2:17 PM, kira- said:

when my whole class is talking abt their celebrity crushes (which make zero sense)

The only times I ever engaged with "celebrity crush" conversations was when I associated the "crush" part with my gender envy and would constantly be thinking of the characters an actor/actress has played and not the actual person. One time in high school my whole entire class entered that type of topic, but they made it clear that you didn't need to have had an actual crush on the actor, so I felt more free in engaging in it; and to which lots of guys in my class started talking about Ryan Reynolds.

Edited by The Newest Fabled Creature
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1 hour ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

The only times I ever engaged with "celebrity crush" conversations was when I associated the "crush" part with my gender envy and would constantly be thinking of the characters an actor/actress has played and not the actual person. One time in high school my whole entire class entered that type of topic, but they made it clear that you didn't need to have had an actual crush on the actor, so I felt more free in engaging in it; and to which lots of guys in my class started talking about Ryan Reynolds.

ive engaged in crush conversations a few times, though it was a while ago just to fit in and bc i was pressured to. i pm just used this person who i had known for a while bc of our families as my crush or whatever until i realized i was aro. now i just say that i don’t hv one lol

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34 minutes ago, kira- said:

ive engaged in crush conversations a few times, though it was a while ago just to fit in and bc i was pressured to. i pm just used this person who i had known for a while bc of our families as my crush or whatever until i realized i was aro. now i just say that i don’t hv one lol

I also had took part in some celebrity crush conversations to fit in, too. I also did the whole entire aromantic-moment-when-you-picked-who-was-your-crush thing, where I knew I didn't have a crush on this dude in middle school, but when my friends asked me who I liked I felt so on the spot that I picked some guy playing basketball during gym class lol

It's kind of funny thinking back on it now. I knew the guy's name, but when I picked him all I said was, "That Guy™️ hunched over on the court." 💀

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15 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I also had took part in some celebrity crush conversations to fit in, too. I also did the whole entire aromantic-moment-when-you-picked-who-was-your-crush thing, where I knew I didn't have a crush on this dude in middle school, but when my friends asked me who I liked I felt so on the spot that I picked some guy playing basketball during gym class lol

It's kind of funny thinking back on it now. I knew the guy's name, but when I picked him all I said was, "That Guy™️ hunched over on the court." 💀

i never rly had the “aro picking ur crush thing”, it kind of just happened bc in my experience it was implied that i had 2 hv a crush on every person a different gender than me. my situations also a bit different bc i was home pm schooled or virtual schooled until 8th grade, otherwise i prob would hv realized i was aroace much earlier lol

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When a guy I'd only known for a day asked for my number and I had no idea that that meant something other than wanting to be friends so I said yes without thinking and then both of our friend groups who were nearby immediately started congratulating him and made "get a room" comments the rest of the day (very uncomfortable). Apparently to them, giving him my number meant agreeing to date but no one told me that! >:( And we were literally like 12-13 year-olds so of course I just felt like I was the one who made the mistake and went along with it for months.

I know being that age makes it sound not very serious but his family literally invited mine to go on a trip with them so they were taking it seriously at least (lovely people btw; they invited us again the next year even after we stopped dating)

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Me describing to my friend the other day why I first thought I was in love with my now ex-boyfriend :

Me: Hes easy to talk to, we laugh a lot when we are together, and we both like drinking milk so we are definitely meant to be together. 

My friend: 🤦‍♀️that’s literally just friendship

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One of my friends send a picture of a muddy jeans-clad leg to the group chat. Another friend responded with ‘?’ To which she responded ‘No? Nobody an idea? It’s my boyfriends knee, he got it dirty.’
And I responded with ‘Oh did he hurt himself?’

And then the chat exploded.

(Ooooh ok he asked you to marry him, yeah ok cool cool)

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6 hours ago, Nix said:

One of my friends send a picture of a muddy jeans-clad leg to the group chat. Another friend responded with ‘?’ To which she responded ‘No? Nobody an idea? It’s my boyfriends knee, he got it dirty.’
And I responded with ‘Oh did he hurt himself?’

And then the chat exploded.

(Ooooh ok he asked you to marry him, yeah ok cool cool)

Glad you clarified that, as I didnt see what it got dirty for

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  • 2 weeks later...

This was an aromantic moment mentioned by one of the co-hosts of Sounds Fake But Okay that I can relate to so much... She described how, when she was younger, she used to envision getting married but it was always about what dress she would wear during it and never about who exactly she was marrying. I too had a similar train of thought when I was a child daydreaming about getting married.

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