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One of my friends just had a breakup with their boyfriend of 5 years......
I'm friends with both of them, so I get to hear it from both perspectives. (They seem to have broke up on good terms.) I'm just like...... wow, this seems like so much heartache to go through, I don't want this ever.

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On 6/6/2022 at 2:33 PM, Deltalorian said:

When a friend is trying to get you to ask someone out because that person may be interested in you, and you're just like "yeah but I don't care. That's just not something that I want to do".

You shouldn't feel like you have to date someone simply because they like you. It seems irresponsible and immature of your friend to get you to ask that person out (that is, unless they thought you liked that person, too, or they simply didn't know you weren't interested).

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On 6/12/2022 at 4:04 PM, GoodbyeRepublicServices said:

You shouldn't feel like you have to date someone simply because they like you. It seems irresponsible and immature of your friend to get you to ask that person out (that is, unless they thought you liked that person, too, or they simply didn't know you weren't interested).

I had made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested to him. I think in a weird way, he was projecting. He was (and to an extent still is) a hopeless romantic, so he could have been trying to live through me. Either way, he was accepting when I came out as aroace, and this may have played a part in him understanding that it is just a part of who I am.

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  • 1 month later...

Aunt: Sooo, do you still have no boyfriend?
Me: Nope, I'm happy single
My Dad: Haha, yeah, that's what she tries to tell herself
Me: No, seriously, I'm happy single
My Dad: Hahahaha, yeeeah, sure
Me: (ノ°益°)ノ

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5 hours ago, Milenea said:

Aunt: Sooo, do you still have no boyfriend?
Me: Nope, I'm happy single
My Dad: Haha, yeah, that's what she tries to tell herself
Me: No, seriously, I'm happy single
My Dad: Hahahaha, yeeeah, sure
Me: (ノ°益°)ノ

What is he thinking? Let us pretend for a moment that he is right (he's not) and that you are just putting on a brave face for your aunt. Why would he then say 'haha no she is super unhappy and depressed, isn't that funny?' That is just being nasty >:(

 

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On 7/25/2022 at 7:03 PM, Nix said:

What is he thinking? Let us pretend for a moment that he is right (he's not) and that you are just putting on a brave face for your aunt. Why would he then say 'haha no she is super unhappy and depressed, isn't that funny?' That is just being nasty >:(

It's the fear that this is going to be permanent.

He hopes that frankness and laughter will break through (totally assumed) "self-denial".

Of course this is completely inappropriate and counterproductive to say to an aro (and also to an alloromantic person who struggles to find a partner).

Edited by DeltaV
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On 7/25/2022 at 6:29 AM, Milenea said:

Aunt: Sooo, do you still have no boyfriend?
Me: Nope, I'm happy single
My Dad: Haha, yeah, that's what she tries to tell herself
Me: No, seriously, I'm happy single
My Dad: Hahahaha, yeeeah, sure
Me: (ノ°益°)ノ

My theory about people who do that is that they are projecting their own fear of loneliness. Or worse yet, that they remain in a relationship they don't want out of fear either of loneliness, or of rejection when they "get back out there."

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I remember this one time, many years ago, when I was 11; I was at school, and during recess some of my friends were talking. I wasn't really part of the conversation as such, but I was sitting more or less next to them, and I probably joined in with the occasional remark. At some point, one of my friends took out his phone and started showing everyone pictures of his "girlfriend". I was quite puzzled. I thought we were WAY too young to have girlfriends, but no one else seemed surprised. On the contrary, all my other friends started nodding and saying things like, "lucky you", or "she's pretty". I couldn't think of anything to say, so I asked him why he had a girlfriend. I don't think he understood the question. "Like... Why would you have a girlfriend?", I continued. "What do you mean?", he asked. "Like... Why aren't you just friends? And why have one girlfriend and not multiple? What do you two even do together that make you more than friends? Why bother? None of it makes sense", I responded (There was probably a bit more back and forth, and I might not have been to precise in my wording back then). Everyone looked at me. He started explaining, "A girlfriend is like... Someone you care for. Someone you stick to. Someone who is especially important to you. You do everything not to lose her". It still didn't make any sense to me. I honestly thought he was being a bit silly; surly no one ACTUALLY felt like that! I mean, sure, that's how they talk about it in the movies, but come on! People don't REALLY feel like that... Do they? After I kept on not understanding anything (and after one of the other boys had tried to explain it to me by saying exactly the same), he eventually gave up, concluding, "It will make sense when you get a bit older. Soon, you will want a girlfriend as well". 

 

And how wrong he was! 

 

Now, almost a decade later, I have never even kissed a girl (or a guy), and trust me, I've had MANY opportunities. 

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