Confirmed Bachelor Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 I would be interested in knowing how if any aromantics who are not asexual prefer to just be celibate instead of dealing with the possibility of a relationship developing from sex or if the majority prefer arrangements like friends with benefits. I sometimes feel asexual but at other times I feel I'm just celibate because I don't want a relationship and sex just isn't important enough for me to deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassiopeia Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 I'd definitely prefer an aroace QPP to having to deal with a messy friends with benefits situation with someone who might develop romantic feelings for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arotrash Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 I am currently celibate though not entirely by choice. Ideally I would be able to have sexual relationships but I don't mind doing without for long periods of time. Because I don't like one night stands and finding someone it's possible to have a sustainable friends with benefits relationship with is extremely difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No One Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tal Shi'ar Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I'm not entirely sure this will be 100% relevant, but since I am grey ace, I am in between allo/ace. I am basically celibate more or less. I don't participate in relationships what so ever. While it is possible for me to do so (in theory at least) I just can't bring myself to be in one. That in in itself may or may not cause messyness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mogseltof Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Oh hey, this is totally me. I have a bunch of weird feelings towards sex a lot of the time, so I do choose to be celibate over potentially fucking up one of my friendships - had a couple of really good friendships get nearly ruined because of unreciprocated feelings/other people meddling, and so far everyone I've talked to about sex stuff has pretty much reacted in a way that makes celibacy a more logical choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peridotty Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 im pan - like....super pan....gay for everyone... but i don't think i'll ever participate in a sexual relationship for a long period of time? its hard to say bcos i'm a minor who has never really felt a strong attraction to one person in particular (first thought i was aroace tbh) also i'm afraid of ruining my friendships as well. if get an alloaro qpp (or an aroace qpp whos ok with doing The Sex) it would probably be ok... idk really im probably just goign to burn that bridge when i come to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunarSeas Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 After my last relationship crashed and burned, I declared myself in an unspecified period of celibacy. Which has honestly kinda sucked, because I'm really quite sexual. But it's not like I've had an opportunity for sex either, not really, with a small child to care for, major depression, and all that. But part is that, yeah, I don't think I'm ready for any potential messes in that area, and I definitely need to get my own head straight before I involve anyone else in my life, even if it is just sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FishPanda Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 My last (and only) sexual relationship was at 18, and I'm 28. So you can say I've been celibate for most of my life. I'm not asexual. I actually define myself as bisexual, although I'm not attracted to a lot of people (like 5% of the men I meet and 3% of the women), and I did enjoy sex when I had it. I would probably enjoy it again. But I don't "need" it, and I prefer to go without it because it's so complicated. I can't do one night stands - I have to trust and like someone before I'm okay with them touching me. Obviously, I also need to be attracted to them. This doesn't usually combine in one person for me, as I tend to not be attracted to my friends, even if I found them attractive before we became friends. Combine that with the risk of destroying a good friendship with the development of feelings - which seems to happen to me a lot even without a sexual relationship - and I've just decided it's too complicated. The ideal sexual relationship for me would be someone I can meet with once a week for a night of pizza, video games and sex, but that's so specific I don't see it happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedNeko Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 1 hour ago, FishPanda said: The ideal sexual relationship for me would be someone I can meet with once a week for a night of pizza, video games and sex This sounds fantastic But yeah, unfortunately it would be difficult to make happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Totally get the fear of any physical intimacy being misinterpreted as romantic--constant fear in pursuing ANY close relationships for me as an allosexual. "Friends with benefits" might be the closest phrase to my ideal relationship but "QPR with benefits" is a lot closer. I appreciate sex (a lot) but ideally would like a caring and intimate (but not romantic) relationship to go with it. "Friends with benefits" usually isn't associated with that kind of emotional connection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natkat Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 8 hours ago, FishPanda said: My last (and only) sexual relationship was at 18, and I'm 28. So you can say I've been celibate for most of my life. I'm not asexual. I actually define myself as bisexual, although I'm not attracted to a lot of people (like 5% of the men I meet and 3% of the women), and I did enjoy sex when I had it. I would probably enjoy it again. But I don't "need" it, and I prefer to go without it because it's so complicated. I can't do one night stands - I have to trust and like someone before I'm okay with them touching me. Obviously, I also need to be attracted to them. This doesn't usually combine in one person for me, as I tend to not be attracted to my friends, even if I found them attractive before we became friends. Combine that with the risk of destroying a good friendship with the development of feelings - which seems to happen to me a lot even without a sexual relationship - and I've just decided it's too complicated. The ideal sexual relationship for me would be someone I can meet with once a week for a night of pizza, video games and sex, but that's so specific I don't see it happening. This is so much me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassiopeia Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 On 22 May 2016 at 9:25 AM, FishPanda said: the ideal sexual relationship for me would be someone I can meet with once a week for a night of pizza, video games and sex, but that's so specific I don't see it happening. Not so unrealistic... Lots of alloaros are quite nerdy. My idea of of a sexual QPR would be something like that but maybe a concert or a club night instead of video games. On 22 May 2016 at 1:43 PM, Rose said: my ideal relationship but "QPR with benefits" is a lot closer. I appreciate sex (a lot) but ideally would like a caring and intimate (but not romantic) relationship to go with it. "Friends with benefits" usually isn't associated with that kind of emotional connection. All that. And also a traceable sexual history is also a major thing on the plus side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kojote Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I'm with most of the people here I'm not Ace (I tried to identify as ace before I knew what being aro meant, but it never seemed to fit), but sex isn't to important to me either. Being aromantic is my main identity and everything else plays second fiddle to that (since I get anxiety at the sheer possibility of someone maybe having or developing feelings or intimacy getting misinterpreted as romance?). AlloAro? Nice. AceAro? Also fine! Anything Allo or even Sex with strangers? No.... no thank you... no... Friends with benefits? If they are allo, I'd be way to afraid of them developing feelings. Plus I wouldn't want to risk destroying a perfectly good friendship over my libido. So, yes... I'd rather be celibate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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