The Gray Warlock

I see this as a political win as much as a social one. With few exceptions, I mainly side with Libertarian views. And one of those views is government has no business in people's bedrooms, whether they're trying to say who can or can't have sex, or in this case who has to.

Occasional drinker at most. When I do it's just one or two. Now if you want to talk about pot and shrooms... I don't do those anymore either. But I've got some stories.

I thought about that episode too, but the part where Cat goes in to see what form the pleasure GELF takes, only to see himself! "You mean I'm the object of my own desire?" "Can you think of anyone more deserving?" "Well when you put it like that I guess you're right. Damn my vanity! OOWWW!"

I tried that several years ago. It didn't work out so great, he turned out not to be that great a friend. I'm in my own house now. I sincerely hope it works out for you. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is, but I think they just don't want to see you get hurt. Maybe cut them some slack.

This one.

I've been traveling that road my whole life. It's led me to a wholesale rejection of the notion that one must meet a certain set of expectations to be valued and have a meaningful life. What I did was examine the notion of "accomplishment" in the conventional sense (degree, career, family, etc) and ask who benefits from people believing in these things. I'm not convinced that the American Pie life we've been sold is all that rewarding for most who live it. All I've been able to see in it is an endless cycle of work. Work for your degree, work for your company, work for your family, work, work, work, and worry, worry, worry. Until you retire, get ready to die and hope there is a heaven. And who benefits from all this? An elite class of incestuous oligarchs who've been given everything in life! And what's it all for? Economy? Shuffling imaginary value from one account to another? Is this really what people base their lives on? I fail to understand how that's supposed to make life meaningful. To me the image below, from the film "They Live!" says it all.

Is there anything in your background that could be entangled in all this? Some kind of trauma or strongly held belief, from which you developed an inner narrative that could be at the root of your confusion? I'll give an example from my life. For many years before I learned what Aromanticism is, I had assumed that I never dated or talked to women because of two elements of my upbringing. 1. I was brought up in Jehovah's Witnesses. In that cult there is a strict policy against having a relationship with anyone who is not a Witness, and even then you're only allowed to date with "prospect of marriage." So I just avoided the whole thing until 16 when I started to question my faith. 2. Seeing both my mother's marriages crash and burn. When my mom and dad split, it got ugly. I even witnessed my father attempt suicide over it! Hell of a thing for a 5 year old to see if you ask me! And in the case of the second marriage, he turned out to be an abusive narcissist. Oh, and because her second husband was not a Witness, mom was disfellowshipped for it. From these experiences I built a narrative that this trauma had scared me out of wanting romantic relationships. I would go on to spend many years involving myself in various spiritual practices and self-help stuff to "get past it," and when that failed to try to explain what was blocking me. Learning about Aromanticism was like throwing a window open on my mind. It took me some time to process it all, after all we're talking about decades of confusion and doubt! But in the end it made so much sense. There is no "block" I need to "get past." I simply don't have the drive to find a romantic partner. But I didn't know that because this information was not available at the time, and all this advocacy for varying orientations didn't exist. So I was just left to stew in my assumptions based on society's narrative that you're supposed to fall in love, and something is wrong if you don't.

When I was a child there was a show on called "Magnum P.I." I've re-watched it as an adult. There's a regular character on it named Jonathan Higgins (played to the hilt by John Hillerman) who refers to himself as a "confirmed bachelor." When not providing alternately help and a foil to the titular character (played famously by Tom Selleck) he's devoting much of his time to hobbies, his club and charity work. In one episode, where the two main characters are charged with protecting a prickly older woman, Higgins states "the prospect of having a woman like that as my mother-in-law is why I've devoted myself to avoiding holy matrimony!" There is one episode where he is engaged to be married, but it was for entirely practical reasons. There is only one episode where he expresses romantic interest in anybody. But since he doesn't pursue it, even though he has the opportunity, I suspect it was really more about the respect he had for this person.

My theory about people who do that is that they are projecting their own fear of loneliness. Or worse yet, that they remain in a relationship they don't want out of fear either of loneliness, or of rejection when they "get back out there."

Every single 90s action movie. Find a list, pick a title. It's sure to have a "love interest" shoehorned into the plot someplace. My "favorite" example is a heist film with Nicholas Cage (I forget the name of it) where he and his cohorts hide out in a small New England town. There's a girl he meets, and at the end of the film (which takes place over 2 1/2 days btw) and with no build up, they're making out. I think "The Rock" is the only film from that era that doesn't have a romantic subplot. A true outlier. And remember, I'm talking about the same era where a Best Picture was given to a romance-themed film whose backdrop was the most famous shipwreck in history! God, no wonder teenage me was so confused.

In my 8th grade English class we had a student teacher who was quite attractive. One time she taught a lesson on punctuation and comma placement. In the middle of the study period, while the class was all silent, one boy raised his hand and asked "What if a sentence doesn't need condoms, I mean condoms, I mean condoms..." He stopped for a moment, regrouped, and then asked "what if they don't need condoms, I mean condoms, I mean..." Can it get any more embarrassing than that? I think you'll be fine.

I still have my green belt from when I was going through the ranks in Shotokan Karate. How about that?

You're welcome

I'm for sure about being aromantic. 42 years is long enough to know. I've always been sure of my heterosexuality. Although in the last year or so I've been feeling less sexual. Not on account of any loss of virility, I think my brain is just ready to devote that energy to other things.

Thanks for pointing that out. Sometimes I forget how unique my life experience is and most people aren't going to understand what I'm talking about Well, I sure freaked the hell out of my mom I'll tell you that! My oldest brother and I had checked out by that point (we were in our late teens), and my younger siblings were too young to really be indoctrinated, but Mom was still very much in and hoping to be reinstated (which almost never happens). And she was totally scared of demons and all that and was afraid I was going to ruin my life with this stuff. She even thought I sacrificed one of our cats when it disappeared (turned out it was one of our neighbors, also a local policeman, who'd been trapping cats and leaving them in a field #smalltownlife) It was a point of tension between us. Luckily my brother started dating a Wiccan who Mom liked (they're still close to this day) and could help me to smooth things out. The Satanophobia in the org is insane! Everything, EVERYTHING, is subject to possession and/or influence by Satan and his demons! Watch some "Satanic Panic" videos from the 80s, the Witnesses are a level above that. Comics, movies, kids cartoons, anything featuring "occult" subjects (even unicorns!) is suspect. Storybook Apostate. I like that!

I wasn't much for dating in high school either. But I thought it had to do with my home life. I had an abusive step-father, my mother was in a cult, my brother kept getting trouble with the cops...you know, typical family drama! My advice is be patient. It can take a really long time to get all your threads untangled. It sure did me, and a large part of that journey was done without the information that's available now. Also, labels can be helpful for getting your ideas organized, and giving a name to your experiences, but don't get too caught up with them. And don't feel like you're a "fake" if you end up picking a new word for what you are. It's just a way to think about yourself, it's not going on your driver's license! Hope this helps.

How's it goin

Now that's some high level system gaming. Mad respect.

It's Tim the Enchanter from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I had the profile name in my head for a while, and decided to use it here when I joined. I was looking for a picture to go with it, found this one and thought it fit perfectly.

Flags are boring, and there's already too many. How about designing a crest instead?

I might be telling my age with this one (I already said exactly how old I am so f it) but I'm going to say Love Stinks by J. Geils Band

I think it all depends on "how" you wear it. I have a pretty plain t-shirt and jeans style. Now if I could pull it off, I'd like to be able to rock some of David Bowie's looks. No one did it like him!

I'm an introvert, so yeah to the first one.

Thanks guys!