The Gray Warlock

Then may God have mercy on me for all the hearts I broke.

Now this is a long and twisted tale, one I may more fully tell someday. For now let it suffice to say that I was born into a family of Jehovah's Witnesses, which I left as a teenager. Pretty much my whole family left little by little in the few years following my mom being disfellowshipped, so I don't experience the family shunning a lot of other ex-witnesses do in case anyone was wondering. Throughout my adult life I experimented with many spiritual paths, some conventional, most less so. I discovered Paganism and Wicca early on, and Ceremonial Magick shortly after. And then I found Left Hand Path and Satanism, which would captivate me for years to come. And obviously Aleister Crowley and Thelema were well known to me from practically the beginning. Though I would off and on dip my toes into Thelema and take on many of Crowley's ideas into my own personal path, it wasn't until very recently that I decided to fully delve into it as a serious spiritual discipline. In addition, and to counterbalance the "out there" esoteric lore, I also took up study of the psychological theories of Carl Jung to keep my mind grounded in something more empirical. Now the central teaching of Thelema is that everyone has a True Will (instead of True Love!) that they are meant to discover, enact and fulfil in order to feel like a complete human being. In this process one gains a closeness to the Divine, often described as Love, from the Greek word Agape. Thelema in Greek means Will. Hence the (in)famous dictum "Do what thou Wilt shall be the whole of the Law! Love is the Law, Love under Will!"

THe way I see it, it's a simple human drive. Like being hungry, or sleepy. It's just a drive a few of us lack. For those that do have it, it can be harmful insofar as one can make bad decisions concerning it. As for when people do make poor romantic decisions, there's nothing I can say that can't be found out consulting some good psychology sources on the subject.

Or having a discussion about your relationship in the middle of a car chase? That's one that always gets me laughing. Hell I can never tell when I'm being flirted with!

That depends on what you mean. I'm assuming you mean romance in books a/o movies. I don't particulary mind it, but if I were to list my top 10 favorite films it would be notably absent. Until recently I always assumed that was a guy thing, because that's the stereotype right? I'm not much for romance themed films (The Princess Bride being the one exception), I absolutely loathe romcoms, and I do like seeing romance themes parodied in comedy, like the "Virgin Alarm" scene in Spaceballs. I'm ok with it in movies when it's a part of the character arc and not a trope. In one of my favorite films The Last of the Mohicans, the attraction between Hawkeye and Cora is a pivotal point in the plot. And what would Star Wars be without Han and Leia?

As a heterosexual man another concept I keep hearing and never understood is "Success with women." What the hell does that even mean? You're successful with women if you get laid a lot? Is it quantity of dalliances or of partners? Does the quality of the encounter or relationship count toward success? What if the quality is great but quantity is lacking? Does that render one unsuccessful? And my biggest peeve with this whole idea, no matter how you look at it, women are reduced to a type of chattel. A status symbol at best, notches in the bedpost as it were. I have noted also no one ever speaks of women being "successful with men." Very telling.

The article itself is quite good. Being a lifelong single at 42 I related to much of what he was talking about, the stages of singleness and such. If I may dive deep for a moment, the talk of a single man getting in touch with domestic "feminine" aspects of his personality reminded me of a concept I've read about in Carl Jung called the Anima. It's described as the Contrasexual Self that dwells in the subconscious. In the process of Individuation-the process where a person becomes fully aware of themselves and integrates all aspects of their consiousness into their personality-encountering the Anima is the penultimate stage.

ah Bella DePaulo. Have you seen her TED Talk? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyZysfafOAs

Henry Rollins for sure. Check out this clip of how he talks about relationships

When I was a teenager my mother was a Jehovah's Witness. They have, let's say very strict dating policies. But no objections to remaining single. I rationalized that as my reason for never dating. I've explored many spiritual avenues since. I always favored libertine creeds that encouraged the individual to decide on their own morality, including taking charge of their own sexuality, and the only "sin" is to impose one's norms on anyone else. If it sounds countercultural, that's because it is!

I feel you there. Throughout high school I had all of two girlfriends. neither one more than a month. And this was in the 90s. If a boy was less than Chad the Football Captain he was a loveless loser.

Looking back at my early childhood, I can remember seeing portrayals of marriage on tv and thinking "Why would anybody want to do this?" I also related to cartoon characters being chased by somebody who was lovesick for them and trying to get away. I also didn't like it when girls got crushes on me.

My name is Mike. I'm 42 years old, as of yesterday. I'm pretty new to aromanticism, having just found out about it last month. But I've learned enough about it and thought enough about it to accept that that's what I am. I'm pretty excited to be here and looking forward to the conversations I'll have.