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asexualpanda27

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Personal Information

  • Name
    Lee
  • Orientation
    Sapphic aroace
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her

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  1. Thank you everyone! I really like that term as well and I think I might start using it. It just feels right for me
  2. I was on Instagram one day, and I saw a post that included the term "lovequeer" as in "loveless and lovequeer aros." I've never heard this term, and I was wondering if anyone who has could explain it to me? It sounds like something I might relate to, but I can't find any definitions of it so I'm not sure.
  3. And that's okay too! I love all my friends deeply, but I wouldn't want to have an exclusive relationship with all of them. I don't know how to explain what makes my relationship with my partner different from what I have with my other friends. Do you want a relationship with your best friend?
  4. If you're confused about what you want or don't want, about whether it's okay to want a relationship even though you're arospec, if you're worried nothing will ever work out because you think your orientation just too complicated, here is a sign saying it is possible to for it to work out. I went through high school questioning my aro identity because I wanted a relationship but I just didn't seem to have romantic feelings. After years of questioning, I settled on the term aroflux, but I don't really feel romantic attraction. Mostly I flux between alterous and platonic attraction for people. I wanted a relationship similar to the commitment and depth of a romantic relationship because I'd never seen anything different. A queerplatonic relationship might've been more up my alley, but I'd never seen one. I didn't know how it would work. Generally, I just felt really lonely. And sometimes I wondered who could ever love me. Someone with fluctuating emotions that aren't even romantic. But then I came to college. And I found someone who loves me aroflux ace and all. Neither of us are really sure what we feel for each other. A lot of times our feelings aren't romantic. But we decided to give being partners a try. And they make me really happy. My feelings aren't romantic. I'm not even sure they're alterous a lot of the time. But I love them deeply in some way, and I know they love me. It's still a really new relationship, so we don't know where it's going, but I wanted to give you all a little hope. If a relationship is something you want but fear you'll never have, here is a sign that it is possible. Even if you're arospec.
  5. Being aroflux is weird... sometimes I like this girl alterously and sometimes I really don't. You feel me?

  6. I definitely relate. Sometimes I wonder if I actually want a partner or if I just want someone who cares enough about me to prioritize spending time with me. You described my feelings almost exactly. I want a relationship that means as much to the other person as it does to me. I would do almost anything for my friends, but I always feel that sinking feeling that you described when they get a significant other. Like, yes, I'm happy for them, but I always brace myself to be pushed aside. DM me if you want to talk more. I think I understand you, and I'm still learning on how to deal with the feelings myself.
  7. I feel you. I'm extremely romance favorable, and I often long for a significant other, but part of me wonders if the only thing I crave is a deep and meaningful connection. The kind that only seems to be found in romantic relationships. I have friends that I would do absolutely anything for, and I'm lucky enough that they accept me as aroflux ace. I'm lucky that I've been able to talk about my unorthodox experience with very strong platonic feelings and how much I care for them. I hope you find that somewhere, sometime. You're not alone.
  8. I feel sad and I feel like I shouldn't be sad. I'm basically aro. Everyone seems to say that they're happy that way and they don't want a romantic relationship, so it's no loss. So many people say that they were relieved when they found out they were aro because they'd previously felt broken. I understand that. I felt the same when when I felt I was ace. Identifying as ace makes me feel right and good. But identifying as aro doesn't make me feel good or relieved. It makes me feel incomplete. Like I'm admitting defeat. I want a romantic relationship so badly. I want to be someone's first priority, and I feel like as long as they have a significant other, I'll always take the back seat. I want someone to go on dates with and to call my girlfriend or boyfriend but without the crush and the hassle of feelings. I don't want to call them my QPP because I don't want to have to explain our entire relationship every time I introduce them to someone. I want to be exclusive with someone so I can look at them and think "Yes. That is my favorite human being and they will never leave me because someone more important called them." I know I could have all that with a QPP or something, but I don't want to have to make up terms to fit my lack of romantic attraction. I just want to be like the majority. I don't want to be aro. I'm sorry. Being aro makes so many of you happy, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't make me happy. I don't want to be the way I am. Don't come at me with "It's just internalized amatanormativity" and "You'll get over it." I am hurting. I don't want to be made to feel guilty for not feeling like the majority of the aro community. What hurts the most is knowing there's nothing I can do to make this pain better. Absolutely nothing.
  9. I am so sick of being pushed aside as a friend in favor of romantic partners. I’m afraid that’s all I’m ever going to be. I’m afraid I’ll never be someone’s first priority because friends don't ever seem to be in this society. I’m worried I’ll never be enough. I definitely want to get married someday, but I’m afraid I’ll never find a friend who’s willing to do that. I thought I found one and then I found out that they were joking the whole time. I was kind of joking since we’re still super young to be thinking about that, but I was hoping it would be real. And to find out that a joke was all it ever was... it hurt
  10. @Tagor What we feel kind of sucks, but it is comforting to know that someone else feels the same
  11. @nonmerci I don’t know what I’m missing. I’m missing a deep connection of any kind. It’s just that normal friends can’t or aren’t willing to have that deep bond that romantic partners are more willing to have. But romantic partners aren’t usually thrilled when someone says they can’t love them back romantically. I want a connection—it doesn’t matter what kind. I’m just worried no one will ever want to platonically have that bond and I won’t be able to contribute to a romantic one. I identify as aroflux because I can’t decide on just one micro label. I could call myself cupio or grey or Demi or some others. But being Demi and cupio at the same time really really sucks. I want a connection now but I can’t form one without time
  12. I feel lonely too. I have a few really good friends and they’re amazing, but I still feel like something is missing. Sometimes I still feel alone. And I don’t know if it’s because of any label. I’m grayro ace but I don’t think those are the things making me feel alone since I do have friends and so many aros are perfectly fulfilled with friendships. For me it’s personal. I don’t feel as connected with anyone as I need to be. I need something besides my existing friendships. It’s not that they aren’t good enough for me. I don’t think. Why do I feel so alone when I HAVE good, genuine friends? part of me is worried that what I’m missing is a romantic relationship and I KNOW romance doesn’t make me human and people don’t NEED romance to be happy, but I’m worried that I’m the exception. What if romance is what I’m missing? What if I’m destined to be lonely forever because I can’t feel what I need to feel in order to access what I need to feel complete? Maybe that didnt make sense. If it did, can someone message me?
  13. Honestly, if they “give up” on romance and are alloro, they’ll find it again when they’re ready. If they’re like me (who just decided in middle school to not have crushes anymore), they’re provably not alloro and this will hopefully help them. I would say just try to be the best friend you can be and express your platonic love/affection for them so they know you care for them even if it’s not in the way they wish you did. just a reminder, it’s not your fault that you can’t reciprocate the feelings. You don’t have to apologize for that and they shouldn’t expect an apology (idk if that’s relevant to your situation, but it’s a good reminder regardless)
  14. I understand you so much! I feel the exact same way. I was even a little hesitant to join this website because I often feel alienated from the aro community. While I support and respect all the lovely aros who are happy and content being single, I personally am not. I identify as aroflux or grayro because I can't decide if I'm cupio, demi, or some other microlabel. I could probably use a number of them. But sometimes I think that maybe I'm only using aroFLUX or GRAYro because I want to deny the fact that I'm actually completely aro. That thought scares me. I want a romantic relationship/a deeply committed relationship (which, let's be honest, for alloromantics are basically the same thing) that I'm afraid I'm denying the fact that I might never be able to experience a traditional romantic relationship in any way, shape, or form. DM me if you want to talk more. I think we understand each other quite well. You can message me here or on instagram: ace.pride27
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