Holmbo

I relate to what you're writing. In our society romantic partner and biological children fills so many functions. It becomes difficult to find separate things to replace them. I remember before the pandemic I felt this strong urge to "put down my roots". I wanted to settle somewhere and really feel it was for the long term. And I don't mean settle physically but rather emotionally. To feel like I was in something for the long run. I imagine for most people this feeling would cause them to seek out a long term romantic partner, or to decide to have a child. But since I don't want either of those things I couldn't see any obvious action for me to take.

Being aro is not really whether you like the theoretical idea of a romantic relationship. Some aros want a romantic relationship, they just don't feel romantic attraction. But I understand it can be hard to know what is romantic attraction and just other types of attraction.

I have some experiences that are a bit similar to this. Imagine the feeling of thinking of another person, for example you hear their name mentioned and you get the mental image of them. But instead of another person it's yourself you're thinking of, and you feel this great discomfort about this person being you. The closest I've come to describing this feeling is depersonalization disorder. But when I read about it there doesn't really seem to be any particular treatment of it so I've not gone to any professional. I suppose all one can do is to not get too worked up about it. Have you tried mindfulness exercises? Maybe they would help.

I think for most aces what most people think about are not our orientation but to our life choices. Specifically if we marry and have children. So if you feel your orientation will affect those aspects you could begin with talking to your parents about that, not your orientation specifically. Ask them how they would feel if you never married or never had children. You can use their reaction to that to decide if you want to tell them more.

I'm not in the closet but I'm not all out either. The reason is that the question almost never comes up. A person at work might ask me: "do you live with a partner?" but to go from that to describing ones romantic orientation is a pretty big leap. I suppose I could wear aro flags or such but I doubt most people would even know what they symbolize.

That sucks and I feel for you! I suppose my only advice is to accept the feeling of discomfort and not try to hide from it. We're often very quick with wanting to take action when we feel discomfort, like you said, we want to get away from it. But maybe when you feel romance repulsion try to take a moment to pause and really examine the feeling. Maybe you will learn something which will help you be able to keep the friendships you want to.

Does your friend know about the concept of qpr? Have you talked about them in general? What is her view of them for herself?

Isn't it the general awkwardness that's supposed to be the humour? Kinda the same humour as of someone messes up in an interview or in another social interaction. I don't like cringe humour myself but for those who do like it I don't see how romantic interactions are different.

Welcome! ^_^

Maybe, but it could be nice for us. The allos would probably just see it as, oh they had some problems connecting to their feelings, or something like that.

It could also be that none of these labels fits you entirely. They're just approximations of some part of every persons unique thoughts and feelings.

I think regardless of what you are to reach other, every relationship needs communication. If not it will not thrive in the long run. Maybe you could try to discuss your relationship through the relationship anarchy smorgasbord (google that term to get the info). To talk about what kind of activities you'd have as a relationship and what kind of activities you won't. Then you can be clear about that you'll do those activities he doesn't want to with other people. Your needs are equally important as his.

@sol I agree! Aromantic traits often seem paired with aloofness or shyness in media. Unless it's an aro allo character, then they can be very outgoing as part of their many sexual relationships (because of course every aro allo person has super high libido ? )

Everything you wrote is things I've often seen expressed but other aros. Some aros want a romantic relationship but they never fall in love. You could also look into the concept of queer platonic relationship and see if that's something that interest you.

I think this stuff is pretty anonymous unless their parents knows lots about aromanticism. https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/foxflight/longbow-aro/

I've always been aromantic and I think that's most people's experience here. But some aren't sure if their lack of romantic attraction is due to trauma or some neurological variation. Also some aros think they've felt romantic attraction but then looking back at it they realize it was sensual or aesthetic. What did romantic attraction feel like for you?

My parents have said they don't have any expectations of me or my siblings having children, it's totally up to us. Although we are four so I suppose they feel their chances for grand children is pretty good.

That's a good point. I think it might have made me more isolated knowing I was aro. As a teen I assumed I would eventually fall in love. Sure I made some mistakes trying to force myself to feel romantic attraction, but making mistakes is part of being a teen. If I would have known from the start I was aro I might just have written it all of instead of learning sort of my limits for what I like.

I Love it! ?

I would advice not to put too much energy on micro labels. They're just short cuts made to help you describe your experience. If you do find one that resonates with you and want to use it, great! If not that's great too, your feelings are still just as valid. Take a bit of time, think about it and read around online and then maybe you'll decide to identify as aro. It's not a prescription someone gives you, you decide whether the term fits with your experience.

Demi is a kind of aro. So it's sounds like you're aromantic regardless welcome!

"No" is a full sentence. You don't have to give an explanation. If someone approach you and doesn't accept a no they're a creep (regardless of physical appearance or social skills) and IMO one should just ignore them, or leave if possible.

Wanting a romantic relationship and feeling romantic attraction are two separate things. There are some aros who really really want to have a romantic partner, but they don't fall in love. Have you ever been in love?

One main advice to me is to be patient with yourself and give it time. Try to read and talk with others (who are supportive) about aromanticism and you will probably feel a shift. Also try to dig into the underlying assumptions that causes your feelings. My favorite guide for this is The book Feeling good by David Burns. He gives lots of tips for how to deal with our thought traps that causes negative feelings. You can use that for your aromanticism thoughts.