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Elin W

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About Elin W

  • Birthday 09/28/1983

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    I’m trying to figure things out 😊
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    She her
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  1. I can relate to so much of what you’re writing 💚
  2. Just sharing my thoughts on this topic….. I’ve been single all my life….. and I haven’t been a person who people have been flirting a lot with…. (I have heard I “scare guys away” being so non-impressed by them, but I don’t know - I guess I haven’t been in a lot of situations like that because I simply haven’t been interested in putting myself there) but when I have had those few experiences of MAYBE getting involved with someone romantically I’ve felt a strong repulsion inside of me. Which I haven’t understood. But I understand now (I found out not long ago that I’m aro). I’ve also felt strong repulsion when I’ve tried dating websites (ha ha ha 😅 I wasn’t online there for a long time! 😝) I don’t feel romance repulsed by romance in media a lot, just feel a lot of tiredness I guess - and resentment cause it can remind me of “this thing I’m “supposed” to like but I simply can’t get myself to feel” 😅 I can enjoy romance stories in for example books if they’re about intimacy and companionship because I guess I can relate to that - it’s what I do long for too, but for me it’s happening in platonic relationships such as friendships. I HATE stories with for example the trope “enemies to lovers”. It the characters hate each other at the beginning I can get myself to understand why they have to be together at all? That’s a concept that simply doesn’t work for me, and I lose interest very fast. I do feel repulsion for objectification and whenever people are flirting with me, by the way. Ew 😝 I feel a strong repulsion inside of me like my soul is getting tensed and shouts “no!”
  3. I love my friends and I wish all the best for them, of course. And I’m happy about their love life. it’s just that I do relate a lot to what you’re all writing about in this thread - about romance being very annoying sometimes 😌 I remember one time when me and another friend met up with a third friend. I don’t know that third friend very well so that might be the reason for this too….. but I remember so strongly how all our conversation was about them talking about one of them being in love and her new boyfriend. I was so angry about that , and of course I can understand why that third person only wanted to ask her about her new boyfriend - they’re probably more close friends and so on. It’s just that it hit a tender spot inside of me I guess - hidden aromantic spot 😌. Amatonormativity is so strong, that every conversation seems to be about romance and love interests, what’s interesting about a person is about what’s going on in their love life? I remember that moment because it really hit me in that tender spot. Amatonormativity is so erasing, I’ve often felt so completely invisible because nothing romance related is happening in my life. (I’m not angry with those persons, I’m just annoyed with amatonormativity. 😌)
  4. I’m glad I found this thread right now. I’m having that kind of days this week where I easily feel fragile and I’m thinking a lot about the struggles and challenges of being aromantic. im 38 years old and I found out about aromanticism in December. It was when I also read about asexuality, I’m ace too. It was such a life changing experience but very liberating and empowering because I’ve been having a hard time before that making sense of why I was different and - what was wrong with me. Such a relief to know that I’m not being weird, I’m not broken and there’s even a pride flag, a wonderful community and a whole new perspective in life! so I am happy being aromantic. It’s just that - there ARE challenges. I don’t want to pressure myself anymore into feeling things I can’t feel. I don’t miss things about romance that I never have liked in my life anyway. But what I AM wondering about how I’m able to find a solution for is the need for companionship, intimacy and so on….. things that can be found in friendship, but it’s hard with friendship sometimes. Im also struggling a bit right now with this whole coming out process - before I knew I was aroace I never thought of myself as queer or lgtbq+ and now I’ve found about this! I’ve got a hard time figuring out where I fit in. And although my friends are accepting and understanding and so on, they don’t seem to understand how exhausting this whole process is for me and how vulnerable it makes me. Well, I’m sorry if I’m over sharing. It was just nice to find a thread about struggling with being aromantic. I am very proud of this identity and it gives me strength, but as I said - right now I’m feeling very vulnerable and I’m wondering a lot about my future right now. Thanks for reading 😌
  5. Yeah I certainly do!! Especially when I feel that my love for my closest friends are stronger than most people feel about their romantic partners. ❤️
  6. After me realising in December last year that I’m aroace I’ve thought a lot about my many aromantic moments in my life. I postponed learning about asexuality since I didn’t think that could be me - because I felt so obsessed with sex. That was all I could think about! (Funny thing is that it’s not more than that - I like to think about it sometimes, that’s all 😂😅) But the thing is, I THOUGHT sex was more important to me than it actually is because I never thought about romantic love AT ALL. sure, I’ve been thinking about it like something I need to get done in life, but then always felt the pressure. It simply doesn’t come naturally for me. It feels fake and like a burden that before felt like something I had to get myself to feel in order to live a whole human life (ha ha it feels so ridiculous now! 😅) In life, before knowing about aromanticism, I felt very weird. I knew something was different and odd about me, I just didn’t know it was totally valid and not something that needed to be fixed. I learnt how to mask how I really felt - I learnt what was expected of me to say when comments came about “everyone falls in love sometimes” and things like that. But sometimes I’ve just blurred out things not thinking of what I’m saying and this moment I’m going to tell you about now is one of those moments. I was in my 20s and I sat talking with a friend who was married at the time. I guess I was older than 25, something like that. I remember from our talk that she was very worried about me cause she thought my flat mate was in love with me - everybody did at that time since me and my friend was VERY close (platonic love 😌) (actually me and my ex-flatmate are still best friends and I’m also a close friend with her wife 😃) anyway, this friend that I was talking to, raised concerns also over the fact that I was single (I’ve always been single) and said something about “so when are YOU going to find someone?” and I blurted out, spontaneously: “Yeah, I need to find someone to have sex with.” She said: “Ehhhh, I meant of course someone TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH” Me thinking: “oh right! 😅 THAT was what I was supposed to say!” (I’m 37 years old and I haven’t “found someone” to either spend my life with OR have sex with - instead I found out about asexuality and aromanticism and turns out I don’t have to change, I’m already 100 % valid 😃💚💜) (I haven’t “found someone” since I haven’t been looking 😏)
  7. Not a song but a poem that I’ve been listening to on repeat again and again when figuring this whole aromanticism out (or I mean - there was nothing to figure out, 😌 i am who I am, I just didn’t found out about aromanticism as a word and identity until December 2020) is this one: it’s my favorite poem from before too but it has meant SO much to me now when knowing I am aromantic and seeing my life in a new perspective. Andrea Gibson is my favorite poet, they use they/them pronouns now so keep that in mind when listening to this old recording of the poem. It’s about self love. About being your own big “love of your life” .
  8. I’m at an event with the Christian queer organization I’m a member of. It’s the first time I’m with them when being aware and open about being aroace. During introduction last night I told them and got very positive feedback. Even if a lot of people don’t know about asexuality and even less about aromanticism they seem very interested in learning more. Today I’m thinking a lot about this group and how important it is to me so I wanted to take the opportunity to also say that. Thank you for being my aro group! 💚
  9. I learnt about both asexuality and aromanticism in December - so I’m new knowing about it but I’ve felt this way all my life. It took me more thinking to realise I was asexual, but I knew aromanticism was my identify as soon as I learnt about it. As long as I can remember I simply haven’t got it, I haven’t understood what “romantic love” is all about. I was indifferent to it growing up which made me an outsider (I guess I’m an outsider in other ways too....) When being a teenager hearing other girls talking about them wanting a guy who would take care of them - my spontaneous reaction was to just laugh - why wouldn’t they be able to take care of themselves? I grew up religious and my faith has always been very important to me. Which also means that I thought “that thing about finding the love of your life” can wait until later. When others my age in church were struggling with their both sexual and romantic attractions (having the ideal to wait until marriage you know 😌 that was the ideal in the church communities where I grew up) I was just indifferent and often annoyed as well. I has always been the quiet listener to my friends’ talking about being unhappy in love or feeling sexual attraction for people who didn’t want them back. ive always thought my indifference and repulsion to romantic love has had to do with my parents’ relationship. They haven’t been mean to each other but they’ve never been romantically interested in each other, I think. At least that’s how they’ve talked about it - of course they’ve had love for each other and affection, but never in a sentimental way. And they’ve never shown affection towards each other the way that is expected I think in western society. I’ve always thought that “I’m never going to settle for someone just because, I’m going to wait until I really FEEL real love for somebody”. But that feeling has never happened to me. I can enjoy thinking about romantic love sometimes. It’s the same with sex for me, I enjoy thinking about it certain weeks (not every month though). When I do I can read romantic and erotic books - but romance books without sexual content usually bores the hell out of me. And the interest always fades away after a couple of days..... I’ve always been wondering about this and thought myself to be so weird. Why do I never feel these things in my own life, why do I only enjoy reading about it sometime? I’ve been wondering about what’s wrong about me for my whole life (I’m 37) and then I read about both asexuality and aromanticism in December and it has given me a whole new perspective on my life. And also this community - to know that others are feeling similar and have similar experiences, that means a lot to me. 😌
  10. Reminds me of when my aunt asked me: “And you haven’t found one?” (She was talking about a man of course.) And the answer came from my heart in a relieved tone of voice: “No seems like I’m better off!” 😅 And she said very confused and annoyed: “What?!” The dialogue is even better in my language, Swedish ☺️ anyway, it was before I knew about aromanticism, I’ve never been interested in romantic relationships, whenever I was trying to care about it because “you should” it just felt like me trying to press myself into a mold that didn’t fit me. Or like I was trying to make myself feel something I just wasn’t able to feel. When I learnt about aromanticism a few months ago I felt such a relief and I thought about that conversation I had with my aunt - it was just such an aromantic moment! ☺️
  11. That’s also one of the ways I’ve realised that I’m aromantic, after learning about it just a few months ago. Well actually, I did recognized this “incapability” to connect with romantic love before knowing there was a word for it and i was the only one feeling this way but....
  12. I’m having what I now realise is “aro moments” when I sit listening to my friends talking and talking about how hard it is to be in love - both when their love interest is also feeling the same for them, or not. and I’m sitting there thinking “If it’s so difficult and frustrating - then why do it?” :P 😅
  13. It sounds like a wonderful idea! Thanks for the ebook :) im really going to try and be with you this time. Life has been very crazy lately, so I’ve been to busy, but looking forward to it :)
  14. Hi! I’ve been away from this forum for a while but excited to take part in the video chats again :) the dates seem good but if it’s on Sunday I won’t be able to participate cause I’m working that time :)
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