Blake

Dogs, cats, a hamster and snakes. But I love that your bestie was a wolf,that is a goal for me cuz I want to be a environmental ecologist with wolves as main goal.

Everybody has different experiences anon ^^. But I can relate to your experience in some ways. I love a good fanfic if its well written even if it has kissing or any other romance. Also, do not feel ashamed of who you are or what you are, society wants to police everything and put rules to all parts of life. I know it takes time however, if you feel like you are in aro-spec, then that is all you need to use the label if you want. Only you can put a label to yourself. I agree with @nonmerci, I did not know it until quite recently but I too chose people based on how likely I could make an intelligent conversation. I thought i had crushes but they where squishes or me trying to make myself part of the "norm". But yeah, all are different beings with similar experiences that make us make sense of the world or whats left of it.

Hey there. Taking the plunge is a big step ^^ so yay for you and I love exploring and I appreciate art a lot too. So ? and ☕ and lots of good vibes

I understand you. I have never done it before either because I don't like to make uncomfortable anyone and feel pressure into anything. But more on the subject, I don't express it any further than a comment for myself in my mind nor would I act on it if circumstances where not 1000% clear and structured. I read this and had to think about it and it super hard about it because I now noticed that I really have no idea if I feel sexual attraction or not. I choose my friends based on our mutual interests. I have only been in 1 relationship and I disliked the romantic part from start to end. But the sexual part I now am thinking about it and I just had sex to comply with the expectations of being in one not because I wanted it. It is not that I do not like it, but that I feel nothing of the act itself. The next paragraph is a bit about me and one of the roots of the problem but is not for everyone so I hide it because it can be quite strong for some people. Nevertheless I want to be more open about me and I think this is a safe space for that and for me. Thanks for your insight. I was looking for that. ^^ You posted this while I was making my post but I wanted to thank you for your your insight since it helped in my answer. And yes I choose based on specific traits. Mainly intellectual. People are more than just sex. I want more than just having few seconds of joy. Conversations about any theme, laughing for hours,playing video games. There are thousands of things to do besides sex. What's more, thinking about it, I would rather see a movie or anything else before doing sex. Sorry if all over the place but me expressing and explaining myself is hard :3 i want to know me better and all of you are helping so thanks.

Tbh I only feel sexually attracted when I bond with the person over something or if is aesthetically pleasing for me (which is hard). If there is no bond there is zero sexual attraction. Also on both scenarios I would have sex only as an activity to pass time, I do not derive a lot of pleasure from it since for me eating a dessert has equal or more joy. It is not directed at anyone specific, I see people that fulfill my criteria as equals. I daydream it a lot but I have no urge to act upon it. I see someone in the streets and say in my mind "yep i would have sex with you" but that is it. It is like that with 99% people. The 1% has been 2 people, 1 of them I wanted to emotionally bond with because I just wanted to be as close as possible with them. The other one is my best friend but they are off-limits for me because they are in a closed relationship. However, I told them as compliment that they was the other person that I would actually care to have sex with, even though we would never be somethinf because we are polar opposites in a lot of things. Basically I am confused cuz i know there are some labels I could be but it is too general and I suck at explaining. You can continue to ask questions and I will fill all the blanks I can. ^^ thanks for your help

Yep. Besides the pandemic not letting me hug any human, all my friends are now getting jobs and continuing studying and are separated. We hang out once per week via internet to catch up but I really miss them and would love to get a group hug to not feel alone. Since I am the only one not in a relationship, I fear they may slowly drift apart and cut me up, maybe is my anxiety and depression but that feeling is there 24/7 now.

YMBAI you where sad when your friends stopped hanging with you because they found a significant other and felt that time with you was less "worth" than time with them. Ps. Sorry if dark but I think is more common in our community and didn't want to feel alone in this.

This happens to me a lot. I see my past self and begin to wonder how I could have been so dense and not identify my aro moments. I am also glad that my present me is way more accepted of my identity.

Welcome and here you go, some key lime pie freshly done and a cup of coffee ^^ (insert both food). Have fun and may you find the interactions you want.

Ghoul

Thanks @Autumn, if anyone else has an opinion I would like to listen to it. I like having more than one to make my decision or in this case to make my mind.

So to cut to the chase, I like to overthink when I am dreaming. And in one of my dreams I asked myself if I was really pansexual or not. I have identified as pansexual the last 10 years of my life and I was fine with that label, because I could visualize myself in a sexual encounter with anyone regardless of the gender identity. But now, having been in a relationship and breaking up and being happy without a partner for years I began to question my sexual identity. This is because I feel sexual attraction toward people, but I can live without it. I don't miss sex at all, I don't crave it and the only scenario I would think I would have sex again is if the person blatantly express it 100% in my face. So having said all that, and knowing 100% I am aro, I ask what to make of my situation. Because even though I do feel sexual attraction, it is not a big deal at all for me. Would I be an sex positive ace? Or what would I be? I know that I am me, but my sexual label is being threatened by no other than me and I am confused :3 Any advice and help will be warmly welcomed ^^ cuz maybe I am pansexual but I have created doubt in me and now need help clearing my thoughts

2001

If I ever have children, it would be via adoption, and that is a big if cuz I love being by myself on a cruise or on a trip. People underestimate how good is traveling without children, the places to eat, places to go and all the fun you can have alone. I want to enjoy life first, my life, then and only then would I consider adopting. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I want to enjoy myself as a priority cuz is my life and people should understand that having kids will cut some experiences from your life. "If you want kids, that is fine by me, but don't oblige me to have them too", is my line of thought.

Will watch it then. Was reluctant because of fanfic I read about it year ago...needless to say fanfic involved lots of romance and other things. Also I heard it was cut of budget and ended earlier than expected so was And yeah, finding boring the same line of romance. hate to love. And I think like you, the "no isn't no" is a very problematic thing I am watching more and more. It lines on a very social theme that consent can be changed and nothing is final. That you can keep nagging until the opinion of the person changes. It perpetuates a social and psychological problem and it can end in violence at some cases, which is scary for me.

I was bombarded as a kid with marriage. My parents, uncles, and family in general always wanted me to marry and have kids. As an amab (assigned male at birth), I guess it is not that common into planting the idea of weddings as a kid. Truth be told, I only wanted to marry until my 10 years, after that, when I started thinking by myself and having my own opinion, that idea crumbled fast. <10 years old me, family basically wanted me to marry and put the idea into my mind. >10 years old me, I did not like the idea and went directly against it fervently. My family still wants me to marry, but I won't do it. Sooner or later they will resign to the idea and they will accept that no marriage nor grand-kids from my part.

I know people use it as both terms. Personally I use aro to refer to aromantic and I use a-spec for the aromantic spectrum. But it can vary depending if I am explaining it to a friend or to a stranger. It is based on the topic too, because when I explain what aro means, I include the spectrum too so in that case I am using aro to explain the spectrum.

Same here. I find romance coded activities repressing when done publicly, and it feels like a burden to want to match expectations of society. If I kiss someone it would be because I want to, not because the moment is "right" and it would be in private. I would love not kissing in public, because it is just eugh. If I engage in sexual activities, and kissing arouses my partner, then I don't have a problem with it, but personally I am indifferent to it and I would avoid it in public.

I agree with most of here. It is the repetitiveness and just so similar stories that gets to me. Almost all relationships in movies and series are romantic. I crave for a platonic relationship, one that shows how much the character cares for each other without an ulterior motive. If I want to befriend you is to have a great time with you. Go eat, watch dumb things together and just have a good time, no kisses, no sex, no development from "I don't feel anything for you" to "Oh, i guess I did had feelings for you". Idk how can it be so hard to show friendship without romance, or people of opposite sex having a great relationship without having having feelings for each other.

Hey there mate, glad you found us ^^ one is never too late to be here. Here you go, some treats (Insert tasty coffee and awesome homemade key lime pie)

No problem. Hopefully it will help you like it has to me.

This is blissful. I have a candle that smells like one of my favorite coffee shop. I only use it when I want to feel completely at peace and has endured more than a year so far. Idk what I am gonna do once it is depleted since the person that did it is no longer living where I am

Hey there Mel ^^ you don't have to be nervous in here. We are all a community and we want to help each other whenever we can. Glad you found this site and welcome! On the labels, the prefix means the same in both romantic and sexual so a bi-sexual/romantic is someone that is attracted to two genders sexually/romantic. The labels are tricky to understand sometimes but any specific question just ask it and we'll do our best to help you understand.

Hi! The way I deal with the questions is by saying that I am interested in my studies first, after that, only the future will tell. For the matchmaking I would go and say that if the person that you are matchmaking me can't help me fulfill my goals, then I am not interested. Thus you get a chance to change the subject by speaking of your plans for the future. People have very short memory when it comes to this kind of things, so redirecting convos is easier and asking about their plans works wonders (people like to speak of themselves) Now, in my experience, I say outright that I am not looking for a relationship at the moment and I ask them about their lives. But people not always like that answer and try to question me, and then I pass to ask them if they are hitting on me which then makes them uncomfortable as hell which I love and then ask them nicely about series of netflix. Which then they go to and don't bother me ^^.

@aro_elise There is a a sense of wholeness for me when I listen to their songs and scream it all out. And yup for me their peak was sempiternal, the new ones are good but they can't compete with it. @Circe The smell of my onesie after it has been cleaned is so dam beautiful. Sure, the softener plays a role, but since it is one piece only it is in me everywhere ^^