Blake

Hello there mate! Well starting section by section. I can't say if you have a crush or not cuz I'm not you :3 Only you can say if you have a crush/squish. Now, if they are ok with you being aro and they don't have a problem, that is fantastic mate! cheers for you, really. I understood that they treat romance between them, your gfs, and they accept you as aro and all that it brings with that. Also, props to you on wanting to have the convo about boundaries, that is very important. Your heart beating faster may be because of anxiety (again idk since idk if you suffer from GAD (general anxiety disoreder) or any variant) BUT it may also be because you want the qpr to work and are happy that you found it. Thinking about them and having dreams is normal (at least i see it like that, you describe as aro not a robot nor an unemotional being) so yeah, you want to spend more time with them, that's fine. Something that get me curious is that you feel invalid. Mate, you are as valid as me, and the other person who is nearby. Do not think for one moment that you are not valid, cuz you are here right? that is what matters. Being aro and having gfs is cool, you do not have to experience romance to be in a relationship (look at you for example, here there are qpr of all flavors (pun?)) Do you have a crush? You are the only one to decide that. Affection/thinking about them/wanting to be with them are things that we all do with people we care about. How do you tell? Well alloromo asume that crushes is a strict progression of cause and effect but actually from a non-romo non-lovely viewpoint It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly crushy poofy stuff :3333 What is attraction? Mate...you find that answer and I personally give you the Peace Novel thingy. Is your heart beating faster bc your nervous about them? Well...your heart is beating to pump that blood through your body ^^ making you stay alive and making you have thoughts!!! so yeah from a non lineal pov, your levels of dopamine get high enough that makes your heart beat faster ^^ And the rest, well it has been answered already :3. Hope it helps you ^^

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Not a problem. Glad I could help you mate. And happy thoughts for you and her. Cheers

Hello there mate, Ok starting from the top. I don't know the situation completely since I just have what you told me to go on. Your friend told you without going around that she is in love with you. Not that she thinks she is, but that she is. This means that she wants to spend time with you, and you only, not another friend. Idk if you told her that you don't know your identity yet or what you meant with getting a little carried away(below). Before entering into a relationship with someone that is alloromantic, you have to understand that it is gonna be kinda wacky if you are a-spec. Since that other person is feeling things that you maybe don't feel. Also, what may be obvious or normal for you, may not be for that person. The example is when you said that you wanted to bring a friend. That is ok, but think if she would want that above spending time with you. Maybe she had plans for later, but now it can't be done because of that friend. Now on what I consider is the important part. Under no circumstances should you enter a relationship to just "try it out" before telling that other person that you are not sure what you feeling, that this is new for you, or that you want to try being in a relationship but just want to know how it is. It is very important that the other person knows that you are testing the relationship to understand it. Because if you do not make those warnings, you will hurt the other person. This is a person, not a toy, she is giving her time for you, she is expressing feelings for you. And you told her that you accepted them, that means that she trusts you, and if you betray that trust by not taking it seriously, it is a bad situation. My counsel, as someone that got in a relationship without telling the other person that my feelings where not romantic, is that you sit down with her, tell her that this is new, you have zero idea of what you are doing, you do not know if you are a-spec, meaning that maybe you will not be able to reciprocate her feelings. To not get her hopes up, not until you explore your identity. In my opinion, if you do not know what you are feeling, you will hurt the other person giving them false hopes. Be in a relationship if you are crystal clear with that other(s) person that you are a hot mess (pun??) and that you are discovering yourself. Hope it helps

For me, my pansexuality is far less important than my aromanticism for the same reasons that @nonmerci described. Being pansexual doesn't really impact my life as much as being aro. Having sex is just another activity for me, but who I want to spend more than a day with is far more important. Also, more on the topic, I like to use my label of aromantic because it holds more weight for me than my sexuality. Being aromantic makes me choose more things than being pansexual, like how I speak around people I barely know, cuz then they can think I am flirting, which is annoying.

1. "It's ok, you are depressed af now, but you don't need to fix someone before you. So get your arse to fix yourself first" 2. "Yes, that boy in summer camp was the first sign that you where aro" 3. "You don't need to fix someone. I repeat, you. do. not. need. to. fix. someone. Mate, you are a mess and that is ok. No need to shame yourself for giving up, you did your max" 4. "That time you cried your heart out of the shower was what you needed at the moment. Trust me, you needed to let it out before it made you kill yourself. So yeah, it is always ok to cry." 5. "No great city was built in one day, it takes work and dedication. So take care of your body, one day at a time" 6. "Look up for aromanticism and pansexual, it will save you years of your time. Also, let go of that squish of middle school. She literally doesn't deserve your time, you know it's not gonna work ever. She is alloromantic and you know that she wants romance, so let go and save yourself the grief."

Ok, hello there mate. I broke the text in parts so you can understand it better, it is a lot of themes so one step at a time. Treating her as another friend is completely fine, you initially thought that she wold be different, and that is fine too. Do not look into the past, yeah it kinda sucks that you vision her as another friend, but you cannot oblige yourself to love romantically someone anymore than you control the future. It is ok, really, own that part of you ^^ that is my counsel. This is very common here, mistaking platonic for romantic. I won't speak for anyone here, but this happened to me too. I thought that what I was feeling was romantic love, but really it was just loneliness and craving for a connection with someone that had romantic feelings for me. To cut it short, we broke off and they where devastated. I blame myself for it, but I can't look in the past, so I accept that I hurted them but I also accept that if I wasn't in that relationship I would not have discovered I was aro, and I would have made both of our lives miserable. So yeah, you thought it was A, but it was B. Mistakes happens, now you know what you are feeling and that is the important thing. ^^ This is what I referred above. You know it is platonic feelings. You can tell her this, this is something that is real, this is knowledge about yourself that at the beginning you did not know. Do not expect to know every answer about yourself from the start. The path of self discovery is what makes us better people. So if you want to break it off, this is something you should mention in the conversation, because it can help her understand a bit more. You did not lie. Do not believe that you lied because you didn't know at the beginning. You love her, just not the same way that she loves you. There are different kinds of love. Amatonormativity tells you that romantic love is above all, but that is not true. Your love to her is just as valid and important and strong as her love to you. If the first part is true, then it is ok. But before you make any decision, my honest advice is for you to speak to her and explain her your feelings. Explain to her from your point of view what you feel, how you feel it and why. Do not end the relationship if you have any kind of love for her, not before explaining to her your side of the story. I think that you are a bit scared because you think you lied to her for years, but your feelings are not a lie. Yeah being single is awesome, and if that is what you want, go ahead and tell her that you don't think it's gonna work anymore the relationship and end it. But maybe you can find a happy medium with her, maybe you she accepts you as you are. Idk your situation, and there are lots of variables, but what is core is that you have to have a deep convo with her. And for that I recommend that you have a lot of patience (and coffee :3). Write every point that you want to discuss with her in a piece of paper so you do not forget, sit her down and just start talking. Take it slow. If by the end, one of you agree that the relationship should end, then that's it. But I don't think ending it without talking to her first should be done. A dear friend told me that giving an explanation about why it's happening (the break off) is the least I can do when ending the relationship, cuz we are all humans at the end of the day, and having an explanation gives peace of mind in the long road, for both (that is what my friend believes). Hope it helps, here some coffee (insert tasty coffee cup )

Hello there Quimey, Glad you are here! In this website, hope you can find comfort and have happy discussions here. :3 Here, an ice cream, hope you like it (insert tasty ice cream)

^^ yay. Well the anime is pretty new, but if you want the webtoon, it is some years long and i have loved it since the beggining. Yeah Steven Universe is very lovable, Connie and Amethyst are my faves.

Hello there yancy. Starting from the top, I have heard that discourse too, but it has been centered more on the fact that people want us to choose just one label. Personally, I identify as pansexual, aromantic straight from the go to the LGBTQ+, but it is easier for me to explain to someone who is not in the community to say that I am genderqueer. I do this because in my case as aro/pan, people don't think I exist basically. So I see genderqueer as a more general term, and then pansexual and aromantic as more specific ones. People are more likely to believe me if I start as genderqueer, because it is a term that people are more familiar. Now, this doesn't mean that for being aro/pan I am not genderqueer, because it is a label that I like and I want to own it. In short, use as many label as you want, there is nothing wrong with that. If someone doesn't like it then eat them :3 A label is something to use to feel valid, welcome and in peace, people have no say in that, and they shouldn't make you feel less of a woman/genderqueer/lesbian for using more than one label. Hope this can help you ^^.

Yass One Piece, i think I will die before that manga is over. which I am not opposed to since it is great. Haven't watched DuckTales but maybe will give it a try (the reboot). If you are looking for a new anime, i reccomend you Tower of God and ofc Steven Universe ^^

I can see your point here and I can certainly agree if it is used like that. Yeah I like LGBTQ+ for the inclusiveness. It is rarer for me to hear about LGBTQIAPN, but I like it too.

Honestly, I think that putting an A for allies is not a good idea. This is because you can support a cause and not be in the frontlines. There is no need, and this is my opinion, in including allies in a marginalized group. We are a minority for good or bad. We deserve our own space, free to be ourselves. The allies do not have to suffer the consequences or being judged for being something that is not cis het. They have literally almost every space in the world, and then, in the small space that we are forming to meet each other and be happy, they want to be too? Sorry but that is kinda egocentric. I see it like we are building a sand castle just in one part of the beach, we are happy building it because they do not let us play outside that space, and then comes this persons, who can play anywhere else, have a yacht and all, and then they want to go and go play inside our castle. Dude, that castle has been built in blood, and you haven't spilled any for this castle, so sorry but I don't think you can just enter. From what I understand, allies invited themselves, not the other way around. That is my opinion, I am fine that they want to help, but just respect our space, you have everything else, let me have this tiny but comfy space.

Hello there mate! Glad that you discovered your orientations, and that you are here too. What shows do you like? Mine are supernatural/The Good Place/Sense 8. and I kinda try to look past the romance and focus in the plot. If the plot is good, im fine watching people smooch, otherwise I think it's irrelevant.

Yes, the vocab is quite extensive, buuuuut it is not you have to learn it all. Just step by step, and if you forget it is fine, jus look it up again and thats it, sooner or later it will stick ^^. At least that is what I do, cuz mate, it can really be overwhelming for anyone.

Welcome there mate! Really glad that you found this and made you feel better. Cheers and here have this ice cream (Insert tasty image of an ice cream)

For me, I know that I am missing out on certain activities and things, but that doesn't mean that it is bad or that I want to do those activities. That your friend tells you how amazing is a pie doesn't mean that you will like it the same way, or that you would even like it. Or that you love skating doesn't mean that the next person will enjoy it. Curiosity is normal, nothing wrong with that, but don't let people pressure you into something you don't want to do just because they are doing it. Now if it is just certain things, you could talk and put the rules of the relationship. i.e. not hand holding; long kisses, etc. You don't have to accept all the package of a relationship, just the bit and pieces that you want ^^ What is important is that there is communication between you and that other person(s).

I understand that you wouldn't mind being treated as another resource, but yo have to think of the other person. It is fine to see each other as tools, but you both have to agree to it, there has to be communication and understanding. Now, in any exchange, from most basic to complex, one party loses more than the other, and that means that the opposite is also true. It is extremely unlikely that there is an absolute equal exchange. What is important is the way you are looking at it, you are deciding for the other person the amount of "worth" that is keeping you around. That is up to the other person to decide, to weight how much is he gain of keeping you around. In the case that the other person decides that they are gaining more than you, would that make you happy or not? Since they are gaining more than you, but that also means that your "worth" is more than you thought it was. Allow me to explain the example better, it is not about the object, but of the intention. You have an item and your friend another, both of you play with the item but in order, first yours then your friend. This means that when you finish with the first, you would go for the second item, but then you do not want to finish playing with the first item. Meaning that you refuse to play with the second item because you do not want to, although it was previously decided that you would play with A, then B. Analyze it from both point of view. From the kid who wants to continue playing and from the kid that suddenly got told that the rules where change. How would you feel being kid A, and how would you feel being kid B. For the last, it is about free will. You have free will, I have free will, each person has free will. You cannot decide for the other person, and also people change opinions all the time. So if I like tacos today, it doesn't mean that I will like tacos every single day after that, I may get tired of tacos, I may not, but that decision is up to me and only time will tell. There has to be an ability to feel completely fine in saying: "Ok, this was fun, but now I want to change/leave" If you do not have that freedom, then the relationship is not a healthy one and should be terminated.

Conservation Ecologist in Endangered Species. Aiming for that cuz I love animals more than people.

The authors should do what they believe is right, independent of what fans make into fanfic. But they should stand by what they want to make and not try to bait people into believing something that is just not right. The fear of losing ratings and viewers is a poor excuse, because if you lose some you can gain others, it is not complete lose. What I want is to tell me straight up: hey this character is X. That should not be so hard. A label helps people feel identified, it gives them validity in a society that actively tries to dictate and choose for us. I did not like labels until I saw the importance of them, so authors should be able to understand something that basic.

I remember rather vividly mine. It was night, and we just finished eating at a restaurant. I knew that they would go for the kiss way before it happened cuz all the romo movies I saw and knowing they where a romantic person, so I had a bit of a window to prepare myself. Now, this has been my only relationship and I still did not know about aromanticism so I was super super curious of how it would feel and would play out. It was a quick peck, it was my very first kiss and I felt nothing special. No butterflies, no high, nothing, it was just a quick exchange of saliva. To not make feel bad the other person I faked a performance and told they that it was special and I had liked it. Truth be told, I did not dislike it, but neither did I like it, it was just another activity, like writing or reading. Looking back at it, that event should have been a clear sign that romance wasn't for me. But the problem is that I wanted it to work so bad, because it was my first relationship and it was supposed to be something special (yeah not my greatest moment nor the most rational one but I wanted to feel normal for once in my life).

Hello there mate! now on to your dilemma. From what you described you may be lithromantic. here, since from what people have described in this forum, you like/love romance in theory, but once a relationship is initiated you suddenly lose interest. I may be wrong and if so, anyone may correct me. And no, you aren't being irrational, you just are what you are, nothing more, nothing less.

I can recommend you Tower of God. My fave webtoon. It has some amount of romance between the main character and someone else but it not a romantic lovely doey, it is more platonic (for me it is platonic). Also action and fantasy are what drive the plot, not romance. Also, not spoiling a lot of the plot, but the main character isn't dumb and knows that his feelings aren't reciprocated so there is hope for the main character.

Ok, hello there mate, that is the first thing. So...let me see if I can explain to you the reasoning behind the actions of those who reject you or see you as evil. You have to know that we are humans, and we are different from one another. Would you like someone to treat you the same way you treat that someone? You are seeing a person (and please do not get me wrong, I mean no disrespect, I am only trying to see your point of view) as an object. You are comparing a person and their affection to you one way, that you are the one getting that rush, that spotlight. And this is not something evil, it is what it is, but an interaction should be two-way, that if you are getting something, you are giving something in return. So it is not wrong to ask for things, but you have to be disposed to give something too, and that something is what you are describing as your available time, or that inconvenience time. Think it like this: "You are gifted two wooden swords and your friend two beyblade. Both of you are ecstatic with your respective gifts and want to play. They start with your gift and you play all day. But at the moment of going to their gift, you don't want to change. Yo want to continue playing with yours eternally, now how would your friend feel? They spent their time to make you happy, but it is not going the other way. How would you feel if that where you, the friend with the beyblade and not the wooden swords, that you gave your time but now it is not going the other way around. Of course it feels good, but it is because the satisfaction is just yours, the other person is not gaining anything. That other person is probably hurt because they too want something in return. And if someone hurted you, you would at the very least put some distance from that person, to heal yourself. And if the behavior doesn't change, why would you stay with someone that is actively making you sad? Is it evil? Not really, evil is just a word used to describe that you want to purposely hurt that person. I do not think that is the case, although that does not mean that you are not hurting. If you want people to not avoid you, you have to put your grain of salt too, have an equal exchange. Talk with that other person and try to go for a happy medium, it doesn't have to be perfect, but both parties should agree on the rules of the game to be fair. I hope this could help you mate. Cheers

If you need more info, you can search at the top of the page Aromanticism FAQ (AUREA), there there is load and loads of info. (I use it to help friends with the terms and so they can look for info)