do you feel like you have more in common with your single friends or with those in relationships?

[Holmbo]

Single friends might like more like you but if they're very focused on finding a romantic relationship you might feel more kinship to those friends who are coupled and thus not searching.

[roboticanary]

At the moment, the single friends. To be honest though, as I am getting older there are very few of them and they are likely to be younger than me. If that difference grows I will probably end up having more in common with those in relationships.

I find having more in common to be far more a thing about age, social background, job, etc than whether someone is in a relationship.

Couples are not (usually) searching for someone but the other side of that is that they do tend to be focused on each other especially if they got together fairly recently.

[Mark]

20 hours ago, Holmbo said:

Single friends might like more like you but if they're very focused on finding a romantic relationship you might feel more kinship to those friends who are coupled and thus not searching.

Something interesting is that only a minority (~14%) of single people fit the stereotype of focussing on becoming coupled. Whilst the majority (~60%) are entirely uninterested. As shown in this recent survey.

IME both couple seeking and coupled people tend to have "couple mindset" which I can't relate to.

[nonmerci]

It depends on how much they speak of romance. Yesterday, a woman were talking about how she wished this guy was not gay because she is crushing on him and I thought "can't relate, girl". But if it is someone talking about her couple, that would be the same.

 

[boba]

LOL all my friends are now in a relationship. so ??? except for one, and I love them greatly

[Collie]

Hm, my current friendgroup has two people in long term relationships (one of which is my squish), and we relate just fine. Probably because they don't base their entire identity around their romantic relationships.

Edited December 14, 2021 by questdrivencollie

[mewix]

On 12/14/2021 at 5:22 AM, questdrivencollie said:

Probably because they don't base their entire identity around their romantic relationships.

Yeah this, as long as it is like that I'm good, some ppl not so much so it depends.

[MaxIsCosmic]

I personally don't mind other I would like to say myself that I make a excellent third wheel and I am proud of the title 

[HelloThere]

I feel like I just have an easier time relating to friends not pursuing crushers, which is exactly why all my life I’ve been with the “nerd” group, they’re just more fun and can talk about random memes and stuff for hours. It’s honestly the best. XD

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Really the only people I relate to are singles that aren't romance-centered, even if they're alloro, and people who may be in a relationship but have had prior experience in other relationships, where they realized that they didn't put much effort into their friendships and made to change that.

[tiger_hoods12]

I was gonna say single friends but single friends often wine about how single they are. So ironically, friends who are in relationships. I mean just so long as I’m not third wheeling. But if it’s just the two of us but they’re in a relationship, it seems better at times.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I often end up not finding any kinship with my single friends, or people who I know to be single. Frankly, one of the reasons was already stated by OP and others, where most of the time my single non-aspec friends are constantly lamenting being single in the first place, like as if it's some curse - that nobody should like being single at all - and I'm over here in the corner like: But...I feel free with this status? How is this so bad? This is how I want to actively live the rest of my life. I know most of the time my friends mean nothing by this. Almost all of us were raised with amatonormative and compulsory monogamy ideals, and so whenever my friends slip up and say some singlist or even micro aggressive aphobic shit, I try to be a little forgiving while also reminding them that I am sitting in the very same room. And plus, the reason why I'm okay with being single forever is because I'm aro, whereas most of my friends are not (though, that's not to say that non-aro/non-aspec people can't choose to be single and be happy with that).

The other reason why I don't feel any kinship is also not my friends' fault at all - it's because of me knowing they're not aspec is what causes some of the disconnect in what we can find relatable. I don't mean for this to happen, and it doesn't stop me from accepting and respecting my friends' identities, experiences, and wants, but I can just never fully click with them just for this simple fact.

 

Really the only single people I can usually relate to are sadly the ones who have been through fucked up relationships in the past, and so who are now choosing to be single because of them. Like, what, one co-worker of mine who I barely know, and my own mom, are really the only people who are non-aspec and single that I find any kinship with? It's because of their choices in life that they finally see the value in the different avenues people take, and although no one has to always go through something horrible to find that same value, these are the people I am often bumping into or have known the whole time, that accept the simplicity of me stating, "I don't want to be in a relationship."

 

[Zozz]

On 12/8/2021 at 9:03 AM, Holmbo said:

Single friends might like more like you but if they're very focused on finding a romantic relationship you might feel more kinship to those friends who are coupled and thus not searching.

good point, but tbh i dot have a lot of taken friends so no comment

2 hours ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

 my single non-aspec friends are constantly lamenting being single in the first place, like as if it's some curse -

 

that and also "i have a crush!! how do you not have a crush?" and looking at photos of hot people as if it were a hobby ad then they blame me when i go to do something else because its something i dont care about doing