Have you had "Squishes"?

[Black Sesame]

Hey everyone, I've been reading about "squishes" a few times now and gotten a bit curious. To me its a concept that fell out of the clouds. I really had no idea there could be something like that (sorry for being ignorant about it). The way I understood it "squishes" are like "crushes" but actually not, or sth like that? I just wanted to know whether you guys have ever experienced one and if yes, what it was like for you?

[ScarfOfSexualPreference]

Well, first of all, I think of squishes as platonic crushes. Like, I really want to be your friend! 

I've had a few real life squishes, but I've had a really hard time acting on them, especially because I go to a small high school and am really bad about getting out of my comfort zone. Plus, everyone already kind of has their friend groups, so... excuses excuses. 

But during quarantine especially, I've mostly just had squishes on fictional characters. I consider myself a teensie bit lithromantic, like, the idea of being Spider-Man's girlfriend is really nice, but as soon as I try to look at it realistically I realize I'd hate it. But, I'd love to be friends with Spider-Man, or Alex Rider, or Harry Potter, or the kids from Stranger Things (hecking Robin is so hot). Like, I just wanna be part of their adventures and hang out with them! But the idea of doing romantic stuff like kissing and hugging and... blech. 

So, yeah, I've had squishes! I mostly use the term with my friends though. Like instead of saying 'I love Spider-Man,' I'd say 'I have a huge squish on Spider-Man!'

The word has really helped me recognize my feelings towards others, like am I in love right now? Is actually just dang they're really cool. 

[hermi1e]

yees, i've had one or two squishes i think. 

for me at least, the difference between a squish and a crush is not the "symptoms," but the desires. Like, i feel the same butterflies and yearning and fuzzy feelings and obsession and interest and tenderness and excitement and jealousy, but i don't feel a yearning to kiss or f*ck them. I just want to hold hands platonically and marathon all the movies and make them pancakes and have inside jokes and talk on the phone all night. It's a strong desire to be very close friends.

I think a squish can be just as emotionally intense as a crush (my current squish made me believe in soulmates lol), but yeah, the desires are just totally different. This was confusing for me, because i couldn't tell at first if i wanted a romantic relationship with them. I would ask myself "do i want to kiss them?" but it always felt weird or difficult to imagine it, and i realized that wasn't what i wanted. If i hadn't known about squishes, i might have stayed confused, or tried doing smth uncomfortable for me bc i thought i should want it. Im really happy i figured out what i was actually feeling.

i hope that helps. take care!

 

[nonmerci]

I only have one squish in my life I think and it was like @hermi1e described. As a crush instead I wanted to be friends, not to date. Very weird. I just look at that girl and felt a urge to befriend her.

 

It was the only time, usually I don't get squishes.

[Mark]

I put up a survey a couple of years ago about this.
The somewhat surprising result was that only a minority of aros experience "squishes" at all.
Most articles on the subject either gloss ever this or imply that "aplatonic" is the exception rather than the rule. (Additionally there's quoplatonic erasure.)

[Black Sesame]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I think that I now have a good picture of what a "squish" is like. 

10 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

But, I'd love to be friends with Spider-Man, or Alex Rider, or Harry Potter, or the kids from Stranger Things (hecking Robin is so hot). Like, I just wanna be part of their adventures and hang out with them! But the idea of doing romantic stuff like kissing and hugging and... blech. 

It might not be a a "squish", but I can really understand the idea of wanting to be friends with fictional characters like Spider-man or Harry Potter. I would be happy to meet either of them. And maybe also Tony Stark and Sherlock,... 

[PeepsInTheChiliPot]

I think I’ve had a squish but I didn’t have butterflies or anything. I just thought that person was cool and I wanted to be friends and know them better. 

[roboticanary]

I'm not sure if I have, for me the concept is really tied up with my neurology and getting obsessions. I occasionally will find someone I really want to befriend and will go down a very intense rush to know them, like.

I want to learn everything about your interests and impress you with what you enjoy and know all the things you like and complain about the things you hate and this has to stop this has to stop.

At that point I have to calm myself down and be like, lets just talk calm and develop a friendship alright. I'm not sure if it fits the idea of a squish or is just friendship plus my brain.

[aro_elise]

i get them often, have since i was a little kid.  basically i admire them and want to be friends with them, i love to see and talk to them, i think about them a lot.  what causes this platonic attraction is essentially their personality/demeanor, but it's hard to describe what exactly it is about each one--"something about them".  probably my most intense and longest-lasting one was this girl who was in a few of my dance classes.  she was so nice and pretty, i loved to watch her dance and just interact with her friends.  on my way to the studio i'd look forward to seeing her.  once when i went bra shopping i recognized one by the straps as one she'd worn so i bought it, nothing sexual about it, just to be like her in a way (i do see that that's funny).  but yeah i've had tons of squishes, they're fun.  

[MulticulturalFarmer]

On 12/23/2020 at 5:50 PM, roboticanary said:

I'm not sure if I have, for me the concept is really tied up with my neurology and getting obsessions. I occasionally will find someone I really want to befriend and will go down a very intense rush to know them, like.

I want to learn everything about your interests and impress you with what you enjoy and know all the things you like and complain about the things you hate and this has to stop this has to stop.

At that point I have to calm myself down and be like, lets just talk calm and develop a friendship alright. I'm not sure if it fits the idea of a squish or is just friendship plus my brain.

OMG, me too. I'm like this if I meet someone who is really talented at physics, engineering, or biology and seems to be very caring.. I'm like teach me about your secrets! It's not that weird since I can at least understand the mathematics of stuff in science to a pretty high level.. but I do get pretty intense about wanting to learn from people who are intellectually talented at science.. just like you do with wanting to learn about that person's interests and all that.

In my head I even fantasize about cuddling them which is weird considering that I tend to want to do this with people I find intellectually and/or aesthetically attractive, which I don't do unless they ask me on a date (this has happened before), and even then, due to me being autistic, I'm hesitant to do so unless I ask them directly since I'm quite bad at reading body language.. not to mention that i have to talk about being aromantic.. so yeah, it's a mess haha :)

Are you also autistic?

Edited January 4, 2021 by MulticulturalFarmer
added some words

[roboticanary]

@MulticulturalFarmer, good to see someone else having that sort of response. I definitely relate to wanting to learn from people interested in science.

As for your question, probably. when I was young I had a bit of mental health treatment for what at the time was considered my anger management issues. I now know one of them thought I was likely on the autism spectrum but unfortunately school mental health where I was was a poorly funded mess. As I got older and stopped getting in to so many fights I stopped seeing them and basically forgot about the whole you might be autistic thing. As far as school was concerned if I wasnt beating people up I must be fine.

From around the time I started considering my aromanticism I have also been finding that more and more of the things I do fit with what I hear from autistic people. So  I suspect I am but I have never went through any formal diagnosis.