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AroArtisan

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About AroArtisan

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    Aro

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  1. I use the words allosexual and alloromantic. To me they just mean they are not like I am. Just like "whole milk" is really normal milk but we distinguish it from skim, 2% and 1% lowfat milks because it's just easier to say and we NEED a term to say it. I find the vast majority of allosexual/alloromantic people positively offended that the terms "asexual" and "aromantic" exists along with every orientation inbetween the way it is, so I have no problem using my own shorthand terms to describe them.
  2. I'm 40 and have never been in a "romantic" relationship nor a sexual one. I'm aro ace and have absolutely never had any interest in pursuing any of that. I have felt mind-boggling, overpowering aesthetic attraction to maybe like 5 people (half not even real, but fictional) in my whole life but that is definitely not the same thing, I fully realize they probably wouldn't want anything to do with me and vioce versa, and I definitely don't want to do anything else but look.
  3. A lot of my emotions concerning other people actually stem from overwhelming aesthetic attraction (which I do feel absolutely overpoweringly when I see someone I consider truly aesthetically attractive...which in my life has been a rare handful of people in 40 years) and it is certainly not anything romantic. If I take a step back from the object and tell myself I am most likely NOT like this person (as chances are good this person is either alloromantic or allosexual) I can then feel that supposed "attachment" fading away and things settle down to where they really belong.
  4. "Invisibly" is definitely the right word. But even though I've embraced all that it is still a constant struggle to keep all that in the forefront of my mind when dealing with other people in order to be more patient with myself and with others (and I work with the public so I deal with SO MANY people all the time I'm exhausted most of the day anyway).
  5. For me they are equally important. They don't "define" my identity in the positive way...in the way that I have no interest in relationships or sex and that DOES something in my life, but in a ""negative"" way (and I mean negative as in like a battery post as opposed to "a bad thing") in the way that these things are just glaringly absent from my entire life. It means the vast majority of people around me have either been in relatipnships, married, divorced, or even (sadly) widowed and these things are just NOT in my life. When someone notices these things are just not in my life or interests, I keep it simple and tell people I have no interest in relationships or sex rather than pulling out a bunch of AVEN technicalities immediately because people around me usually don't have the patience to listen to those things. EDIT and to add, just like Jughead above me wrote, it depends on the audience I'm dealing with and the topic of conversation which one comes up (ace or aro)...but I have to keep BOTH of these things in mind when talking to people at all times because either can pop up at any time, but they both equally contribute to feeling strange around other people because I just don't understand them.
  6. In the past 5 years or so, I've totally embraced my asexuality, aromanticism, and rare Myers-Briggs personality/gender combination (I'm an INTJ female). I feel like the Truck of Regenerations hit me and I'm still picking myself up off the ground and putting them all in my wallet where they belong.
  7. We need you here because we need you to explain to both us and the newbs what the heck alloromanticism feels like. LOL
  8. Yesterday, I had a former close acquaintance/coworker basically flat out tell me, "Sorry, but I'm going to ignore you when I'm with my husband because I'm too busy to talk to you. But I"m not with him now so we can talk!" I walked away and left her there. I can't imagine being like this. To me it's beyond rude to not acknowledge other people simply because you're with someone. So I understand completely when aros need to vent that they are dumped for the significant other. I understand I'm not Number One but to completely dump people and pick them up when you're not with someone? Rude. I won't deal with people like that. That said, I don't worry about being alone, I worry about paying my bills and keeping my house. I'm in retail which pays absolutely nothing, I'm in retail because of an awful childhood/yound adulthood, and I have no direction because I simply hate people and hate everything. I have no friends, and they don't really help with this anyway. I'm terrified of being homeless but the thought of living with someone else out of necessity when my mother passes away terrifies me to the core. The ""being alone"" I can easily handle, it's making enough money to live that I'm not sure about.
  9. I'm not sure I'd embrace this or not. I thought of myself as aro since I learned of the term. And I don't want to dismiss anyone else's orientations. But it sort of suits me. I had such a consistently traumatic childhood between people, both students AND teachers, just flat out not liking me in school. The boys who were the objects of my aesthetic attraction in school either verbally abused me with their friends or had nothing to do with me. I stopped sharing who I was attracted to. It wasn't worth the embarassment and abuse. It was so consistently awful that I'd run out of class just to get the other students to stop bothering me. Then the school disciplined me for running out of class. Once, finally, the high school disciplinarian told me I literally, VERY literally, had a good case to bring up multiple civil harassment suits. I never brought it up to my parents because they were too busy in their own stupid idiotic dysfunctional relationship to give a flying fart about my problems at school. I literally left high school shattered to pieces as a person and still to this day, over 30 years later, have not picked them all up. I have no one to help me. It led to a college degree I have no use for and have no intention of ever using. It led to thousands of wasted dollars. it led to me having NO...I mean NO social skills in a college enviroment, which only meant that more people simply did not like me. But yet in spite of this I still see other traumatized people INTERESTED in romantic and sexual relationships. And I'm just not. So I don't know. I'll have to consider it more.
  10. The only attraction I feel is aesthetic. My only experiences with attraction are once in grade school when I was aesthetically attracted to one boy, and was horribly horribly treated about it, especially the boy himself. as I am probably one of the most repulsive (not a value judgement, just a fact. Some people are "attractive" and I'm quite the opposite.) people on Earth, for many reasons. The second time I was aesthetically attracted to someone I kept it mainly to myself. That was a lot less painful, but still joked around with some adults about it because that's just what you do when you're a person I guessed. I don't know if these two incidents happened because I was simply doing what society expected of me or they were truly a part of my personality that I now repress. But I was never attracted to anyone else after that. I've never experienced a crush or a squish. I don't desire to have friends.
  11. I thoroughly detested other children when I even was a child. I don't want them around me, in my house, or anywhere around me. I knew this loooong before I was aromantic or asexual.
  12. I have never been in a relationship. I've never dated. No one's ever asked me out and I have no interest in asking anyone out. I don't understand "asking out" or dating. Honestly I have been alone for so long I would have NO idea what to even do with someone else at this point.
  13. I thought I was straight to begin with, too...then went through the usual rolodex mentioned here. i thought I was straight...then lesbian, then bi. Of course I'm also asexual and sort of omniaestheitc (i worked as a freelance artist in college so have a thing for beauty...and I love seeing beautiful-to-me people of ANY a/gender) so that had a lot to do with it too. I NEVER officially announced or discussed my orientations with anyone, ever, except when I was kidding myself pretending to be straight. It wasn't until I found out that being aro/ace was a thing so that's when I truly felt comfortable enough with myself to start talking about things honestly, but still not giving out information I didn't think they needed.
  14. When you're like...."do I want to date? Maybe I should start dating"......and you're like "...nah...So what's wrong with me?...oh I'm ace. Maybe I should join an ace dating site like Acebook?" and you're still like "...nah."
  15. YMBAI you watch that Match.com commercial (i see it on Hulu) where the guy says to the random lady on the street, (paraphrased), "What if I were to offer you a dating service that has people on it that exactly fits your dating criteria?" And.....you can't even process that. Wat?? Where do i even start? How do you even?
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