Holmbo Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I was just thinking about how weird the identity of aromanticism is really. Something that is defined by an absence. If you were forced to describe it in terms of pressence rather than absence, what words would you use? Personally I think I'd would describe it as a different focus in life. I'm very concerned with my role in society at large rather than just my relationship to one other person. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 How about "I defy amatonormativity"? But that's a bit vague... "I have a different point of view of relationships". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raavenb2619 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 “I defy amatonormativity” is probably the closest we can get, but it’s still a sort of absence/negative in spirit. I don’t think we can get much closer, because (at least to me) a large part of my aromanticism is a sort-of negation or lack of fitting into alloromanticism, alloronormativity, and amatonormativity. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 12 minutes ago, raavenb2619 said: “I defy amatonormativity” is probably the closest we can get, but it’s still a sort of absence/negative in spirit. I don’t think we can get much closer, because (at least to me) a large part of my aromanticism is a sort-of negation or lack of fitting into alloromanticism, alloronormativity, and amatonormativity. Yeah. Make sense. Right now, I can't think of anything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aro-fae Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I think there's also a lot of individual variation to that. Where all aromantics lack romantic attraction, I think most of us can say "I prioritize x over romance" or "My long term plans involve x rather than romance". What x is will be different to different people, and can be friendship, a successful career, learning to play the cello, etc. (also I'm now imagining the hilarity of the expressions of alloromantics if you tell them that cello playing is more important to you than marriage?) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NullVector Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 9 hours ago, Holmbo said: Personally I think I'd would describe it as a different focus in life. I'm very concerned with my role in society at large rather than just my relationship to one other person. I feel similarly. I think that's a nice and positive way to relate to the orientation Without meaning to sound too grandiose here (hah) I've personally always been rather preoccupied with thoughts on the direction society as a whole is heading in, the incalculable debt we owe to our ancestors in bringing us this far (to our present understanding of the universe) and what sort of positive (albeit slight) role I can play in shaping our collective future as a species. I generally find others less preoccupied by this stuff than I am (I struggle to have IRL conversations about it; sometimes when I've tried in the past it has been shied away from and characterised as 'too intense'). I wonder if this is something aros tend to dwell on more than most people? Do we anchor our happiness and self-identity more in positive contributions towards the wholesome evolution of our societies and less in our inter-personal relationships? I don't know if there are any pschometric ways to asses it? Any tests people here could take? I'd be intetested in the results. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 4 hours ago, Cristal Gris said: How about "I defy amatonormativity"? But that's a bit vague... But it can fit polyamory too, isn't it? Something like "my goal in life is my personal fulfilment" sounds good to me, though this has the same problem to not be specific to aromantic people. The thing is: I think aromanticism is a lack of something. But it doesn't matter, if we don't miss it. Plus, this lack is replacd by other things and desires. So I am fine with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 10 minutes ago, nonmerci said: The thing is: I think aromanticism is a lack of something. But it doesn't matter, if we don't miss it. Plus, this lack is replacd by other things and desires. So I am fine with it. Yeah. The "hole" is filled with something else. That's how i see it anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 11 hours ago, raavenb2619 said: “I defy amatonormativity” is probably the closest we can get, but it’s still a sort of absence/negative in spirit. I don’t think we can get much closer, because (at least to me) a large part of my aromanticism is a sort-of negation or lack of fitting into alloromanticism, alloronormativity, and amatonormativity. What's the opposite of amatonormativity? Relationship anarchy? I embrace relationship anarchy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 On 6/23/2019 at 9:49 AM, Holmbo said: I was just thinking about how weird the identity of aromanticism is really. Something that is defined by an absence. If you were forced to describe it in terms of pressence rather than absence, what words would you use? Personally I think I'd would describe it as a different focus in life. I'm very concerned with my role in society at large rather than just my relationship to one other person. This "different focus" is going to be very diverse. Any attempt to narrow it down to anything specific leading to the likes of Common Misconceptions About Aros, Can you be Aro and not/never have squishes?, etc. I can understand that being able to say "This is Y" is preferable to "This is NOT(X)" there is no meaningful or useful Y here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treepod Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 7 hours ago, Mark said: This "different focus" is going to be very diverse. Any attempt to narrow it down to anything specific leading to the likes of Common Misconceptions About Aros, Can you be Aro and not/never have squishes?, etc. I can understand that being able to say "This is Y" is preferable to "This is NOT(X)" there is no meaningful or useful Y here. Going off of that, I think there’s a desire not to think of aromanticism as a lack of something because “defining against” is something that’s looked down on. It’s a bad thing when you’re speaking about politics or culture/ethnocentrism etc. But there’s no harm in saying aromanticism is a lack of romantic attraction just like it makes sense to say a blind person lacks eyesight. A blind person might also argue that their sense of hearing is heightened, but that’s a personal identification in addition to the basic definition of blindness. So you can go ahead and say being aromantic makes you more focused on your friends or your career, but I think that’s a very individual choice. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 On 6/24/2019 at 11:34 AM, Mark said: This "different focus" is going to be very diverse. Any attempt to narrow it down to anything specific leading to the likes of Common Misconceptions About Aros, Can you be Aro and not/never have squishes?, etc. Yeah I'm not arguing for replacing the definition or anything like that. The one thing we in this forum have in common is this lack. I was just curious how people personally would describe it in another way. It's gonna differ for everyone. I think it's important to explore differences between aros to though, exactly for that reason of common misconceptions. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueKumul Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 It's hardly unique. Vegans don't eat meat. Atheists don't believe in gods. Healthy people are defined by absence of disease. Though there is always something more to it. Vegans are usually concerned about animal welfare. Atheists promote systems of morality based on nature rather than obedience to a supernatural being. There is also a rationalist streak to the atheist community, you'd be hard pressed to find one who believes in ESP, astrology, etc. I've noticed what all aromantics share, whether sex-positive or asexual, is a celebration of friendship. We could call ourselves Amicitians, after Amicitia the Roman personification of friendship 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted July 2, 2019 Author Share Posted July 2, 2019 On 6/30/2019 at 12:58 PM, Spacenik86 said: I've noticed what all aromantics share, whether sex-positive or asexual, is a celebration of friendship. We could call ourselves Amicitians, after Amicitia the Roman personification of friendship That is mostly true I think but I have seen some aromantics on reddit post about how they don't experience feelings of any kind of bond, not even friendship. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueKumul Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 20 hours ago, Holmbo said: That is mostly true I think but I have seen some aromantics on reddit post about how they don't experience feelings of any kind of bond, not even friendship. Sounds like schizoid personality disorder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirrorreaper Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 On 7/3/2019 at 12:44 PM, Spacenik86 said: Sounds like schizoid personality disorder. I would refrain from this kind of armchair psychology. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eatingcroutons Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 In my case I'd say, "I experience love as a single coherent emotion, which I feel in varying degrees towards different people in my life, but which is qualitatively the same emotion whether it's for friends, family, or anyone else." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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