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Romantic Attraction


DeMorgan
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I dunno if it is Aro or what not but I wanted to share some thoughts.

A lot of relationships (traditional) feel forced to me like in the sense if I did it. I don't think I could genuinely be happy at all to be stuck that way. 

I like spending time with someone close but not like those sorts of ways.

 

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I know for sure that I haven't experienced romantic attraction. My reactions to someone "confessing" their feelings to me is more close to the description of a panic attack than anything else. I don't like feeling tied down to anything, I like to spend time with people but not for long.

I didnt read the whole thread but have the gist of it. I don't feel I am missing out on anything by my lack of attraction. It is what it is, and I see it as something that makes me, me. I see and hear too many stories about unhappy relationships so I don't want to be one of them. If by any chance I find someone that we both can tolerate each other and enjoy each others company 70% times,and want to be in a qpr with sex very rarely or never, I would do it. We both could see the world and be ourselves and just be happy. But if it doesn't happen, I'll do it alone and thats it. I don't need anyone to complete me, that is an heteronormative and amatonormative concept and I will not be part of it.

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I would define romantic attraction as a very specific type of love or a certain feeling (one that is notably different from just being close friends who have sex.) Often involving the cultural or religious constructs of your region.

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Guest Token Allo

Hi! As someone who expirences sexual, romantic, and platonic attraction often at the same time I can say that having expirences of them still makes the whole matter confusing. I have a crush that is ace and but not aromantic and as I basically want whatever kind of closeness they are comfortable with it is hard to know what that would be and what it would mean for us to date as oposed to be friends especially becuase I am poly so it wouldnt be exclusivity!
 

Also sensual attraction is different from romantic attraction most seem to think. The desire to touch someone and be touched (not necessarily in sexual ways) is not necessarily the same as romantic attraction. 

Most of the definition I have seen especially from aro/ace discussion boards have a tendency to erase any positive romantic relationships, or romance without possessiveness and jealously desire for exclusivity or desire for nesting together. As some one who is poly this is annoying, but I understand the desire to categorize it this way. Is romantic love merely the toxic amatonormative idea of love and platonic love the more open and "less deluded kind"? Then would positive considered romantic relationships be better defined as platonic and sexual? They also assume that a romantic relationship must always be primary. 

This said ace people who are allomantic seem to want to say that dating someone is different from being best friends. But differentiating on terms of touching or "emotional intensity" or "commitment" or "neurochemicals" degrades platonic love to a less intense romantic love.  Romance is often reduced to limerence or neurochemical delusion. 

For ace and allomantic people-- what separates a romantic relationship from a queer platonic relationship.

I agree with the OP-- i think it is only through aro and allos talking together that a good definition can be established.

For me, romantic seems a not useful term. there are no romantic activites i wouldnt or couldnt do with a platonic partner. Maybe categories for those activities is more useful. (and thus attraction conceived as desire for those activities)

ie desire to nest, desire for exclusivity, desire for cuddling, desire for pet names, desires for date, desire for a place of primary importance in a persons life, desire for a condition in which your happiness and their happiness or sadness are emeshed and transferred, a desire for anniversaries to be celebrated ect.

 

 

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