Lovebird

I'm really sorry.. I hope you can feel better. I'm always here if ya need it ofc.

It's really hard, especially if you suffer any sort of mental illness, to not let the loud negative voices outweigh the supportive positive ones. I have found practicing mindfulness to be helpful with this. It helps me to stop and take pause and realize "oh this negative voice hurts more, so I put more weight on it, but [look at all the people on this post who have spoken against the negativity. Remember these circumstances in the past where people accepted me without fight or argument or interrogation, etc.]." It's really an invaluable skill that will benefit you in so many areas.

I have also made the tough decision to leave communities before because they were harming my mental health even knowing there were good parts to it. If that's what you need to do, that's 100% something you should do. But please think hard about if you're making this decision to help your mental health (meaning, you will also work on replacing this space with good self-care - such as self-validation regarding being valid as an aro - and concentrated efforts to support your mental health) or simply to further punish yourself (falling into the negative spiral of "well, I'm not wanted here, so I should be alone and not near anyone so I can't bother them or upset them or ever hurt anyone ever again with my mere existence").

Best of luck. I wish you very well, and I hope you're able to accept that you're a true aro and that the random negative voices will become easier to shake off.

@hemogoblin I'm not sure, but it feels like both to me.

Yikes, I've never encountered this and I am so glad. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive friendship. Thinking that we're immune is so dangerous.

Same thing for me. I'm aro, I won't get myself in a toxic relationship. However I did go through really toxic friendships, never realized it, and and decide to accept everything that the person could do... Because they were a friend

@Antiochit's quite common on the r/aromantic subreddit, tho tbf the sub itself is full of batshit people who think aros can never experience negative relationships, only aphobia.

@Atypique I was also in a toxic friendship and it nearly killed me, I only thought those in romantic relationships were abusive at the time. I was totally wrong.

There's actually quite a big asexual kink community. If you would feel better asking anonymously, try any of the tumblrs: millenniumfae, fuckyeahasexual, or platonikink (may be inactive). If you're over 18, I also have the invite to a Kinky Aces discord I can invite you to. And here is a kink-specific thread over on AVEN: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105805-kink-bdsm-and-cake/?tab=comments#comment-1060869891

You can also DM me if you'd like. I'm asexual and have delved into kinks, though I'm not super active in the physical scene. At the very least, I may be able to point you in a better direction if I know more. :)

No pressure either way! I know how intimidating and nervewracking it can be to open up about this.

@SkyTuneRein may also be very knowledgeable on this, especially from a researched perspective of you not being alone in this! They may be another person to share thoughts with, if (and only if) you would both be happy to communicate with each other in this way! 

@AroAcedragon13 Yes!

I can give some insight to the anon results from my poll, including numbers of particular kinks. If we get a bunch more takers or enough samples for each selection, then we don't have long to wait before I publish the first charts, if that'll help.

I have a particular kink/fet too which has made me question my (a)sexuality, as well as sanity at one point, even though it's not that bad. It's something that I'm comfortable admitting and talking about, but not with a large and open audience, or on a public forum. It can be a great way to bond, at least if done right, but, like many kinks, can be mistaken or mis-associated with things that isn't acceptable, not to mention it also, like other kinks, can evoke disgust to at least some who don't share it. So far my poll has more than 10% who at least partly shares it though.

My experience in the field is like my experience in relationships though - next-to-non-existent. So like hemogoblin, I've delved deep in the knowledge side but not in the physical. Being demi and with social anxiety, one can guess it's hard-at-best for me to share let alone practice. AVEN, however, was the first place I could open more and discuss sexual topics, and even mention some words, without a lot of people losing their heads or getting banned, so that helped.