Lovebird

Victim-blaming people for being rampantly harassed isn't cute, regardless of wherever they're allo or not. I've literally seen aros do almost the exact same thing. You've clearly misunderstood what I mean when ALL cringe culture is bad. There's no such thing as 'good' cringe culture.

I just believe that at the end of the day, none of us have the right to shame each other, and there's never a greater or lesser evil when it comes to this. Our existences, both aspec and non-aspec, are very complex and deserve respect, each of their own - and it shouldn't be tolerated when someone (regardless of whoever they are) turn their experience of something into an excuse to shame another person. I am not saying people don't have the right to talk about how romance and sex has negatively affected them. Sometimes it's easy to become mad at the world and at random people because of how saturated romance and sex is in multiple cultures. But, it shouldn't be excused if someone takes that anger out and utilizes it as shame.

No, there is no good "cringe culture". At least if we define "cringe culture" as coming from a desire to mock and shame innocent people. This is indefensible, no exceptions. Good that I didn't defend cringe culture then. And blaming victims of online harassment is just awful. Good that I didn't engage in that.

Some threads here on this board admittedly give off a very strong cringe culture vibe, e.g. "Things you've never understood about romance". Similarly, all the many posts like "Isn't <something romantic> weird?"

And yes, this may feel hostile and off-putting for those who experience romantic attraction or are favorable towards it. I understand that.

(That was the context, very obviously, not some hypothetical aro who uploads screenshots from a dating profile of a neurodivergent kid and mocks it. Such a person cannot be defended. Does anyone seriously think otherwise?)

Yet, to put those posts in the same category as the "furry / cosplayer / ... cringe compilations" is strange (to put it mildly). Because what's radically ignored here is: "Isn't <something romantic> weird?" and the like can be interpreted charitably. It might not have a nasty motivation but come from genuine frustration, confusion, cognitive overload or anxiety.

I'm all for efforts to be nicer and quit / restrict / hide the stuff mentioned. I wouldn't miss that stuff. But maybe, maybe, members of a marginalized community, in their own space, should be interpreted charitably? And that's seriously lacking sometimes. I know that a couple of users left because of this.

I think that going along with this problem, people also forget about the grey-aros and the arofluxes, etc…  it’s really sad to see this happening.

Yeah, abusive relationships are a terrible problem that I am so sorry other people have happening to them, and some aros are like "I don't get it so your suffering isn't valid". I don't understand how people can be so terrible and I'm really, really, really sorry on behalf of all aros.

It also completely shits on aros & aces who have also been trapped in abusive relationships, there are aroallos in abusive FWBs, there are alloaces in abusive marriages, aroaces in abusive QPRs. Aroace minors in abusive family situations??

😢 Heartbreaks are always downplayed, even the word is strangely cutesy. While I also don't "get them", at least I understand that they are very traumatic and painful and wish you healing!

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what I could say, but if it would make you feel better, then feel free to talk to me!! Either way I hope you'll  be alright!!

I'm so sorry. Six years is a long time. That's a hard break up. Just take it day by day and take care of yourself. We are here for you. 

@CanadianBird It never used to be like this two years ago, then things started getting really weird. Some also encourage cringe culture and other borderline ableist and outright homophobic things. A few months ago, the mods even tried to prohibit any mention of the word 'sex' to avoid "upsetting the asexuals in the sub". THAT turned out as well as you imagined, backlash from all sides was swift and they since backflipped on the decision. Last rule they tried to tried implementing was something like 'no bashing people for experiencing romantic attraction' the mods are not at all enforcing of that rule as many negative comments & towards romantic people have either slipped through the cracks or have just had a bandaid put on the them (the last post I saw was just days ago and was comparing romantic attraction to symptoms of schizophrenia (they do that a lot there), the post was subscentally locked but never actually removed and as far as I know, the OP who posted their "take" was never held accountable)

Yeah, I’m the creator of voidpunk and the subreddit + its associated discord server is so rancid I had to leave. I tried repeatedly to get them to stop behaving like that but the mods were never on my side. It’s vile

@Jot-Aro Kujo I was not aware that you were the original creator! That's soo cool! My sympathies for having your label being destroyed by utter assholes :(