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WaywardHeroine

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About WaywardHeroine

  • Rank
    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Name
    Katie
  • Orientation
    Asexual
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/her
  • Location
    middle of a rice field
  • Occupation
    English teacher

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  1. Lol, now you've got me wanting to try reading Twilight again. Have you looked into the term "lithromantic" by the way? The feelings you describe towards the end of your post are common for people who identify as lithromantic.
  2. I've desensitized myself to a lot of romantically coded gestures, like hand-holding, and even cuddling to some extent. But most of the time I still feel incredibly uncomfortable with romance directed towards me. I hate "I love you" and "I miss you" texts, because I feel obligated to respond in kind, even though I rarely feel the same. It's suffocating to have to fake those expected gestures, especially when I know that the other person means it in a way that I'm not capable of. This is probably where my problem with ghosting people came from... 😅 On the flip-side, I love romance in fiction (though not when it's the focus of the plot). I'm a shipper, and it sometimes let's me enjoy a story more when I can pair up characters in my head, and then gush over the pairings to my bff. However, I like it to be more of a side-plot than the main focus of a story. Strict romance doesn't interest me all that much, but throw in some weird supernatural or sci-fi element, and I might be on board.
  3. On my own, no problem. I typically prefer to wear clothes, but if it's hot, or if I've just gotten out of the shower, then sure. As for being around other people, living in Japan has gotten me more comfortable being around people naked-- Onsen culture and all that. I'm still a little uncomfortable being around my partner naked, but I can do it. I just extremely prefer to wear clothes 90% of the time.
  4. Yep, what you've said describes me to a T. I've been questioning if I'm aro or not, because I think I want a romantic relationship, but whenever my partners have gotten romantic, it always drives me away. I can't explain it. I'd be really good friends with someone, and one day they would ask me out (this has been the trend with pretty much every one of my relationships) I would always say yes, but then immediately after we started dating, my partner would begin acting different- I guess they would start acting "romantic," and whenever it got to that point, I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and look for any excuse to stay away. When they told me they loved me, I would lie an say I loved them too. I did care about them, since we were friends, and I just kind of figured that's what love was? But it became clear they were experiencing something different than I was, something more intense. I felt pressured to give romantic lovey dovey responses that I didn't feel, and that made me feel both guilty and repulsed by the relationship. Yeah, I've broken up with everyone I've ever dated. I feel like a jerk for it now, but at the time I didn't understand what was going on with me (I still don't). The guilt would just snowball until I had to pull the escape lever. Every time I told myself the person just hadn't been the "right one," but now I wonder if it's possible for me to "fall in love." It'd be really cool if I could just marry my best friend.
  5. WaywardHeroine

    What Am I

    Welcome! I think you'll find that lots of people on these forums feel the same way! Definitely sounds demi to me
  6. It sounds to me like you are expecting a lot out of your potential partners. Not very many people feel comfortable with being treated like objects. Now, a relationship can be whatever you want it to be, but you should understand that a lot of people are not seeking relationships in order to have something to possess. Before entering a relationship, both parties should make it very clear what they are expecting out of it. Finding another person who shares that exact desire to be possessed/possess the other party would be difficult, which is where compromise comes in. You have to understand that looking for a partner is not like shopping for a car or a pet. You can't just feed and water them like your gecko, because humans need more than that to be happy. Your partner needs to be getting something out of the relationship too, and you have to accept that you're probably not going to find someone that enjoys that feeling of possession as much as you do. For you, this means that if you truly desire that companionship, you're going to have to compromise. You will probably HAVE to inconvenience yourself in order to provide something enjoyable out of the experience for the other person. I don't think any of the feelings you described are evil. It's only evil if you are intentionally hurting others without trying to improve yourself, which is clearly not the case here. The ideal situation would be for you to find a partner who gets the same dopamine rush you do, but as people are so different from each other, it's a very slim chance. This is why relationships are so hard. People can be frustrating, especially those you care about. Relationships often require both parties to make sacrifices for the sake of the other, even inconvenient ones. Also, I dunno, maybe look into some kink communities? There are people who enjoy that kind of objectification. But, regardless, the words of the day are compromise and honesty.
  7. So first, hello! I'm Katie and I'm new. Second, I have a bit of a dilemma: I think I’ve dated a lot of people for someone definitely on the aromantic spectrum (I assumed I was biromantic until recently, but I think that was just denial, to be honest). My current partner and I have been together for over six months now. When we first met, we clicked immediately, and I was even a little jealous when they started chatting with the other people in our group. Afterwards, we started texting, and things just fell into place. This was the first relationship I’ve ever actively pursued. I really really wanted this person in my life. The thing is, lately I’ve found myself trying to avoid them- making excuses to get out of dates, or finding a reason to be busy on the weekend to avoid hanging out. It’s gotten really bad in the last couple of months. I’d write it off as just me being an introvert, but I don’t get this kind of anxiety when I’m just hanging out with my friends. It’s kind of hard to explain, but whenever my partner asks to make plans, I become irrationally and unreasonably defensive, like they’re encroaching on my space or personal time. I know it’s stupid, and I feel awful, but I don’t know what to do about it. This isn’t the first time this has happened, either. In my past relationships it would happen all the time. I would be friends with a person, they would confess, and as soon as we started “dating” a switch would be flipped, and I would immediately engage avoidance procedures. I would get ticked off whenever they would wish me goodnight, or ask how my day was, and I didn’t want to hang out as frequently, even though we’d been hanging out as friends for months. Not to mention that every time we kissed, I would be counting the seconds, and cuddling made me incredibly uncomfortable. I assumed those feelings of “wrongness” was just because I wasn’t with the right person. I’m really worried now, because I care very deeply about my current partner. I don’t want to feel this way, but lately I have this voice in my head saying, “Okay, is it over yet?” I really like this person, but I don’t understand why I feel the need to avoid them. Am I just being irrational? How should I deal with these feelings?
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