cinnamon_bun

Am I the only one that feels like they're missing out on certain things in life due to being aro? More and more people around me are getting into romantic relationships and are being more vocal about their crushes and seeing them makes me feel like I'm missing out on romantic relationships (even if I know they never work out for me since I'm aro and things always get muddled and messed up because of it). Maybe it's because a friend of mine keeps bugging me and telling me about how romantic relationships change a person and how great they are and I guess also because I'm touched starved and even if my closest friend (who is like a platonic partner) gives me hugs and cheek kisses/pecks I always wonder what it would feel like if I had someone that could be more intimate with would be like. Not being able to feel romantic attraction and be in a romantic relationship makes me feel like I'm missing out something during my teen and young adult years. But at the same time certain things in romantic relationships make me feel uneasy or gross (or maybe it's because I hang out with a couple that always makes out and shows PDA nearly 24/7).

when I was in a romantic relationship about a year or so back I ended up technically cheating on them (I was drunk + we were playing truth or dare/dare or dare)(it was only kissing also). I was completely transparent about the whole ordeal, telling them the day after, knowing that it wasn't the first time I kissed someone when I was with them and they didn't seem to be bothered about it. They made a whole thing of it this time, making me make a groupchat with them and my friends (which was a mess because of language barriers and it made the whole thing worse) even after I apologised multiple times and tried to make them understand that it was mistake and that I was extremely sorry and that it was a one time thing. I understand that it was something done without their say in it and that looking back it was wrong for me to that in that relationship, but at the same time they were sending mixed signals. It was a learning experience in some ways, making learn that I should talk over the yes and nos of a relationship before hand (especially since I discovered I was aro which add complications sometimes). If I put myself in their shoes, I can see why they feel bad. I did something that I still hadn't done with them (we were in a ldr) with multiple different people. It was a break in the trust they had in me. I don't understand why they made me wrap my friends into it, counting that it was something between me and them, but they felt it was needed and that's fine). (At the same time I might of not understood why they were making a big deal out of it due to the fact that I'm aro and I don't fully understand how romantic feelings work) I understand what you mean by not understanding why people make a big deal out of it in some situations. Ironically they cheated on me at the end of the relationship without telling me anything, which hurt more. If they were transparent about it would of hurt less, but still I didn't make a fuss and just moved on. It's something I don't feel should be made out as a big deal, especially when you aren't living with the other person and aren't financially dependent on them and when you're in high school or middle school (of course they are certain situation like if you're married which makes it bigger and more complicated to sort out). But in conclusion: relationships tend to be messy if no rules are set up before hand and sometimes it's better not to be in one if the other person can't respect or understand why you need those rules.

I've been in a good number of relationship (around 3 or 4) but I was confusing strong platonic feelings with romantic feelings and with my very last relationship, I was debating if I was aro before it happened and I guess I used the relationship to prove that I wasn't (which was sh*tty of me tbh). We ended up breaking things off because they didn't feel the same about me anymore and I felt very conflicted with being in a relationship. When ever a relationship ended I didn't feel the "heartbreak" or "falling out of love" feeling, I just was like 'okay see ya I guess' and got over my feelings the minute it ended. I forced my feelings if that makes sense, so when I didn't have to force them anymore I felt relieved. I'm glad that all my relationship happened though, cause they did help me in figuring myself out.

(btw I wrote the post last night when I was kinda sleep deprived so my phrasing wasn't the best) I assume he's allo from what I know about him (but I should talk to him about it to be sure) and he does understand the difference between romantic and platonic love/feelings. When I meant a full QPR I probably meant actually having that title to the relationship I have with him. I guess I'm scared to talk about it to him because he doesn't know I'm aro and I don't want any drama with the last person I was in a romantic relationship with in case he tells them (since they're friends). If I did have a QPR with him it wouldn't bother me if he had a romantic partner now that I'm fully thinking about it clearly.

I've recently discovered that I have some sort of a squish on my best friend. We haven't known each other for long (about 8 months) and already have some sort of weird platonic relationship (it's hard to explain), but I know that he won't ever reciprocate the want to have a full qpr (he's alloromantic and has a gf). I'm really happy with our relationship atm but it still kinda hurts that I won't ever fully be that special person (I'm still very happy that he has found someone like his gf, someone that makes him happy like that). Do any of you have any tips of stopping or getting over a squish? I'm normally someone that gets over things like that fast but it's still complicated since he's the first squish I've had since I started identifying as aromantic and saw that the feelings are fully platonic, not romantic from the beginning and not at the end like the other ones I've had.

YMBAI you always got over breakups the minute it happened YMBAI you ever felt anxiety when someone tried to be romantic with you (and not in the 'i can't believe this is happening what if i screw up' butterfly feeling anxiety) YMBAI you felt bad for being in a romantic relationship with someone, feeling that you weren't being honest to yourself or them

i've always been the type of person that gets over break ups or rejections easily (now realising they were just squishes) and that tends to get "feelings" (they aren't feelings, it's my brain getting excited over the fact that i've made a new friend) toward someone very quickly that end up disappearing a couple hours later. i also always found myself not very fond of the idea of being in a relationship myself but i do like looking at other people in relationship (it depends tho).

when it comes to kissing and cuddling, i need to really trust the person and have a deep connection with them. they should also warn me before doing anything more than a hug because sometimes physical touch can be too much if that makes sense.