Coming out stories!

[pengu]

I start:

 

So I had a firend who identified as pansexual- I myself was confused. I thought I was bisexual. Anyway, with the support of another friend I came out to her and she wouldn't believe me!! I even told her about female crushes I've had to give her "evidence". In retrospect she was right though, I wasn't bi, and the crushes were really squishes. But whatever, I was hurt.

 

A few years later when I understood I was aromantic I came out to her again, and she was all accepting saying: "I know"

I was like: "HOOOOW DO YOU KNOW? I HAVEN'T KNOWN FOR 6 FREAKING YEARS!" (Ok, didn't say it quite like that)

She: "Because you don't seem to know what love is. And you talk a lot about asexuality"

She was totally fine with me being aromantic and have since stopped shipping me with my best friend, and other people, 

 

It's important to give people a chance to change for the better before completely throwing them out of your life.

[Spud]

Well, I mentioned asexuality ( and aromanticism, but not by name, because she wouldn't know what that was) to my Mom, and she basically told me that I just had to wait until college/high school and that I was repressed. So that didn't go as planned. I didn't outright say I was, but I implied it.

 

I told my friends about it, and now half the school knows. The other half probably thinks I'm gay because most of my friends are bi/poly. Eh. I don't really care, except for when they assume I'm dating my friends. I kind of freak out when that happens.

 

Oh, and even though my friends know, they still ship me. And I don't think they really understand gray-aromanticism as opposed to aromanticism either, or what exactly I'm confused about. But I'm glad I have somewhere like here to talk about this  

Mini-rant: over heheh

[Starry Sky]

(Gender coming out story) My favorite one because it was so casual and unplanned so it took stress away because I wasn't thinking about it -

 

Me: I like your face shape.

Brother: Thanks, I like your hair shape.

Me: Thank you.

Brother: (jokingly) I like how your gender is within the gender binary.

Me: It's not, it's outside of the gender binary within the agender... category.

Brother: *does his cute fake surprised face while gasping then continues with life as normal*

[deactivated]

I came out to my partner as aro-flux and they've just entirely accepted it, I feel it went really well as neither of us are massive fans of kissing until it comes to the right situation then we're both all for it. And they're asexual so they know quite a lot about the a community itself.

[DannyFenton123]

When I was younger I told my friends I never wanted to get married. Little did I know at the time, I was coming out as aromantic

[Rayn]

One of my close friends always has the greatest reaction, before I had completely figured out my identity I told her that I was definitely not straigh and she replied : "I don't care if you fall in love and marry a rock, I'll still come to the wedding, though that'd be a pretty boring ceremony. Also if you marry a rock you'll never feel obligated to shave your legs for someone." It's by far the most funny reaction I've gotten 

[pengu]

19 minutes ago, Rayn said:

One of my close friends always has the greatest reaction, before I had completely figured out my identity I told her that I was definitely not straigh and she replied : "I don't care if you fall in love and marry a rock, I'll still come to the wedding, though that'd be a pretty boring ceremony. Also if you marry a rock you'll never feel obligated to shave your legs for someone." It's by far the most funny reaction I've gotten 

 That's a keeper! 

[pearl]

Coming out? Well I came out to my friends as bi a while ago when I was dating my ex. All of them were cool with it surprisingly. I came out to my brother and I was extremely grateful that he was fine with it. I kinda came out to my friend as in she follows my personal tumblr and saw I was identifying as bi aro. She has been awesome. I told another friend I was aro and she was also cool with it. As for my parents, they know nothing. They are super religious and think homosexuality is wrong and sex should be after marriage and yadda yadda yadda. They love me and they probably would actually still love me even if I came out but I don't know for sure. I am 22 and a legal adult but I am still financially supported by them. So I am waiting until I am moved out to come out. I don't know if I will come out as aro to them because I don't want to explain it and coming out as bi will be hard enough already. 

[DannyFenton123]

1 hour ago, pearl said:

Coming out? Well I came out to my friends as bi a while ago when I was dating my ex. All of them were cool with it surprisingly. I came out to my brother and I was extremely grateful that he was fine with it. I kinda came out to my friend as in she follows my personal tumblr and saw I was identifying as bi aro. She has been awesome. I told another friend I was aro and she was also cool with it. As for my parents, they know nothing. They are super religious and think homosexuality is wrong and sex should be after marriage and yadda yadda yadda. They love me and they probably would actually still love me even if I came out but I don't know for sure. I am 22 and a legal adult but I am still financially supported by them. So I am waiting until I am moved out to come out. I don't know if I will come out as aro to them because I don't want to explain it and coming out as bi will be hard enough already. 

 

That's awful that your paren's won't support your orientation, but I'm glad you have such supportive friends

[owl]

I haven't really come out to anyone about being aro... I briefly mentioned it to my friend that I thought I was and she seemed supportive, but I dunno, I've heard her say not so great stuff about aros before so...

I might bring it up again at some point to her. Don't think there's anyone else I really want to come out to, honestly

[Vega]

5 hours ago, DannyFenton123 said:

When I was younger I told my friends I never wanted to get married. Little did I know at the time, I was coming out as aromantic

hahah I said the same thing. And "I'll never like boys!" 

Cue my mom saying "One day you'll like someone!" 

Happy to say I was right.

 

 

 

Haven't told my mom yet, but some of my friends know. Through a game of Truth or Dare. They were supportive though. 

[aesthetic mess]

me and my bff are writing a story together, and in the story "my" character is gay, so i texted her and said "hey, my character should come out with this pun: I"m a pretty good archer. I guess you could say I'm an ... AR(R)O(W) ACE" and then she was like "no, this character's aro, not that one," to which i replied "no you don't understand this is me coming out to you with a pun" at which point she died of laughter. that was a mess of a sentence and also that is my favorite pun ever. i come out to people with that pun. it has been by my side through thick and thin. i love puns

[DeMorgan]

We all love puns, thought that one's particularly... punny. Hehe... he... he.

[Spud]

5 hours ago, thalia-rose-lovegood said:

me and my bff are writing a story together, and in the story "my" character is gay, so i texted her and said "hey, my character should come out with this pun: I"m a pretty good archer. I guess you could say I'm an ... AR(R)O(W) ACE" and then she was like "no, this character's aro, not that one," to which i replied "no you don't understand this is me coming out to you with a pun" at which point she died of laughter. that was a mess of a sentence and also that is my favorite pun ever. i come out to people with that pun. it has been by my side through thick and thin. i love puns

I think I might have to steal this for future use 

[aesthetic mess]

5 hours ago, Spud said:

I think I might have to steal this for future use 

Go ahead. That pun is amazing and everyone should use it at least once.

[DannyFenton123]

More recently I did come out to my eldest sister, who was (as she is with a lot of things) really awesome about it. A few days later she got me this gender notebook 

[aihpen]

I haven't really come out to anyone yet, but I once almost came out to my mom. I practically made pretty clear how I felt without actually mentioning aromantic or asexual just to test the waters before coming out as aro ace, but it never came that far, because she said something about how I will find the right person one day and so on... I haven't even tried to tell anyone else ever since that happened.

[piplup]

my 2 lil sisters know but the one that im closest to i feel like she acknowledges it more

 

i want to come out to my mom but idk i feel like shes going to say "its just a phase youll find someone in the future" so im just gonna sit back & prove her wrong 

[pengu]

I know how it feels like not being able to tell your parents  My father asked me why I wasn't looking at boys and asked me if I was gay. I had to lie and tell him I'm bi. Easier for him to understand than me being aromantic. But now he's convinced that i'm in love with my best friend *rolls eyes* 

 

Whatever keeps him from worry about me is a good thing I guess X D 

[owl]

Just now, pengu said:

I know how it feels like not being able to tell your parents  My father asked me why I wasn't looking at boys and asked me if I was gay. I had to lie and tell him I'm bi. Easier for him to understand than me being aromantic. But now he's convinced that i'm in love with my best friend *rolls eyes* 

 

Whatever keeps him from worry about me is a good thing I guess X D 

I'm pretty sure my parents are convinced I'm gay or bi because I've never dated a guy... Especially considering most my friends are...

[pengu]

34 minutes ago, Simowl said:

I'm pretty sure my parents are convinced I'm gay or bi because I've never dated a guy... Especially considering most my friends are...

 

Yeah.. Most of mine are some kind of queer too. It's great that our parents are open-minded I guess? 

[Whistle]

My close friends and people I'm comfy with, I'm out to, no problem. With one of my friends who I'm, not as close to but hang out with sometimes (she is a convenient mall buddy), an opportunity arose kinda by accident. I don't remember how it came up, but I made some kind of joking comment about how I was either asexual or a repressed lesbian. She kinda went "Wait, really?" because she recognized the term because she actually knew someone else who was asexual. So I'm like... well, that saves a lot of confusion, and just confirmed it there. 

 

Now, my mom on the other hand... well, that'd be too complex. If I actually out and told her she'd internalize it eventually and be fine, but I definitely anticipate there would be too many awkward questions if I did. For now she's under the impression that I have a pretty low sex drive due to my anxiety meds. I've mentioned to her that some people just don't feel sexual attraction to begin with, regardless of their drive, and that I don't really, but she's pretty convinced that it's the meds, and that she swears she's seen me kiss my husband passionately or something... like a) she necessarily perceived it correctly, and b) that's related to anything. I certainly don't want to bother with the split attraction model with her; I'd never hear the end of it! (Don't get me wrong, some people I wouldn't mind questions from. But my mom grates on my nerves very easily, and I don't always have much patience with her)

 

As for the general public, I'd love to be out about ace/aro as kind of a visibility thing, because... I mean I didn't know about ace/aro until after I was married, and you all have certainly seen all the cases of people assuming they're straight and being woefully confused. I wish aromanticism and asexuality were more visible, and that people... knew what they are, even if they weren't necessarily to the point of being widely accepted. It definitely would have saved me a lot of confusion (and made explanations easier) if I knew that they were options to begin with, rather than defaulting to straight/gay/bi being the only choices. Unfortunately, I lack the patience to handle the questions that would ensue (since nobody knows what it is, and if I wanted to tell people about it I would do it very thoroughly to ensure understanding). I do wear a black ring and secretly daydream that someone who's done research will notice it, but I know that realistically won't happen. Aces and aros are invisible, and I'm camouflaged as a straight person anyways, having a husband and all, so I never even get the opportunity to bring it up. 

[ArodynamicallyFavored]

The responses I've received from coming out vary.

I told two of my friends that I was aro ace & s*x repulsed. One of them is Demisexual...they knew before I did that I was all of this and it hit me like an epiphany when I finally figured myself out!!!

I told my family & they think I'm in denial & they legitimately PRAY that I change/grow out of it when I get older. They don't want me to "die alone".... That's what my friends & two dogs will be for. DUH My family also thought I was a lesbian for the past year or so. I've been told stuff about that not being human and I'll change some day and blabity blah blah

 

I told my two friends that I identified as genderqueer and then as a maverique. My friends are extremely cool with it!!

My mom just looked at me,said two sentences along the line of "that's interesting", and has never brought it up again since. I think she's passing it off as a phase than anything else by how passive she was about it.... It's not like her to say little to nothing about ANYTHING .

[hangryeowyn]

Well, the first person I came out to was my roommate at the time, who had been my friend for 7 years. She's pansexual and knew about asexuality but not aromanticism. So what happened was I was in the living room researching aro stuff and I had that "ah ha" moment, and she walked in and I immediately turned to her and said "Hey, I think I'm aromantic" and after explaining what that was she was like "That can't be it, I know for a fact you've had crushes in the past" (But actually those were squishes but she also didn't feel like squishes were a thing) So that one was a bust. 

 

The second person I came out to was my best friend who has known me for over 13 years. She is asexual and so was probably more familiar with the terms than I was at that point. So I texted her about it and she said something to the effect of "Yeah that really fits you, now that you mention it." So that was really good. 

 

The third and last person I properly came out to was my mom. She's a conservative Baptist, so she feels like it's a woman's "calling" to submit to her husband and not be in positions of leadership and settle down and not be gay and not have sex outside of marriage. All that stuff.  She has been aware that my ideals don't match hers (I'm pretty vocal about my opinions), but I don't think she knew what to make of my explanation of asexuality and aromanticism. To ease her into it, over the course of several months I gradually introduced the idea that not everyone experiences life the same way and sometimes people don't want sex. She was okay with this and was outraged that anyone would bully someone because they weren't doing something. On that foundation I introduced her to the idea that not feeling romantic love was a thing. It was here that we hit a snag and she didn't quite seem to grasp that it wasn't a choice or a "phase" but she wasn't aggressively against the idea. I think she's kind of hoping I'll change my mind one day. Recently my dad was making racist jokes (unfortunately), and my mom goes "Don't say stuff like that! What if our daughter brings home an asian boy and you act like that!"  Don't be racist is a good message, but don't make my unlikely partner the reason to not be racist. I haven't come out to my dad or brothers yet but my mom doesn't believe in secrets so I'm sure she has mentioned something to them. I have low expectations for how my dad would react, for obvious reasons.

[Me_g]

I came out to my best friend via text (we live in different time zones and I knew it wasn't going to be a big ordeal). He googled the definition of aromantic, then replied "Now that I know what it is, I can't believe your picture didn't come up. That is so you." 3 days later I received a gift in the mail from him, a t shirt with 'NAH' printed in big aro flag stripes. One of my favorite shirts now.

 

I haven't really come out as specifically aro to anyone else. My mom and dad know I don't plan on getting married even though they don't know the label. Other friends and family know I'm happy and date only occasionally and don't really think too much more about it as far as I know.