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Everything posted by Whistle

  1. I don't know if I can really cite myself as having been confident in my identity for a long time. But I'm 26 and have been IDing as aromantic (or gray aro, or ??ro?? or oriented aro, or arospec, or oh who knows but not standardly -ro anyways) for somewhere in the ballpark of 3-5 years I think- which, to boot, I learned after I married an allo guy. Experiences and how much knowledge you have of terminology definitely change the context of feelings (I don't believe my attraction has changed in this time, but as I've become more confident in general, and divorced, and transitioned, and been able
  2. You may occasionally hear the 'late bloomer' narrative, and it's probably fair to assume that some people start feeling attraction or gaining interest in things later. However, there's absolutely no reason to assume that has to be the case! What you are describing sounds like textbook aromantic to me. I would caution in general, though, be aware that labels like 'aromantic' are tools! If there comes a time where you're not sure if it fits you anymore, it's totally fine to recontextualize your experiences and identify as something else instead. It happens to folks all the time, tha
  3. I definitely understand where you're coming from, because I thought the same thing for a long time. But the thing about aromanticism is... for many of us, we just don't feel it. So of course we wouldn't have a concept of it, or have a very fuzzy concept of what it is. When I was younger I thought like that, that romantic relationships must be a mix of friendship and sex and... surely something else? but I was never able to identify what that other thing was. I didn't used to have any idea that sexual attraction was real thing either until I learned about asexuality! I just kinda assumed
  4. I'd be inclined to believe it's a combination of things, possibly some genetic tendencies (oxytocin receptors? I dunno!) mixed with us contextualizing our experiences in the framework we experience them in. My speculation on this is that asexuality would have more of a genetic component- sexual attraction seems like it ought to be a more cut-and-dry one from a genetic perspective? But I wouldn't be surprised if there are cultural factors that can influence them as well. Aromanticism is a tricky one though, because "what romance is" (and the level of emphasis around it) is itself s
  5. So. At the local lgbt+ club today we were talking about bi+ folks a lot in celebration of bi month, and while I stayed quiet because I don't identify as bi, it got me thinking again about how I define my orientation. I'm definitely ace, and I identified as full-on standard aro for a while as well, but lately I'm questioning that. I know there are multiple types of attraction, and that even with or without any of those people can want relationships or different versions of relationships or not want relationships at all for a number of reasons, so it gets pretty messy as to where th
  6. I'm one of the odd aros in a married relationship, so I look pretty dang straight to outsiders. I'm out to friends about being aro/ace, and not terribly interested in being out to my family or my husband's family (they're conservative in a way that would be condescending about it, I don't like them much, and they wouldn't really be worth the effort), but as for the general public... I want to be out- not so much for my sake- people don't bother me about things, since I look like a straight married person; but for visibility. I just think of how I didn't know aromanticism and asexuality even ex
  7. I personally think it's SPECTACULAR realizing that nothing has to have romantic subtext. I mean, realistically, other people may take things that way, but for you personally? No confusion needed! I LOVE people, a LOT. I think people are adorable, and I get squishes out the wazoo. If I talked to these people, I would probably sound like a little kid with a crush tbh. But man, I don't have to confuse it for anything. It is what it is, no wondering what my feelings are doing. I can love people and that's that! Not to mention now I think it's actually cute when people show the social c
  8. Whistle

    Cute things!

    Okay but honestly the moment I saw the thread title, I went "I'm a cute thing" I'll be good though, hehe. Here's my 'dog' tag on tumblr. Which also happens to include this cute thing in it.
  9. My close friends and people I'm comfy with, I'm out to, no problem. With one of my friends who I'm, not as close to but hang out with sometimes (she is a convenient mall buddy), an opportunity arose kinda by accident. I don't remember how it came up, but I made some kind of joking comment about how I was either asexual or a repressed lesbian. She kinda went "Wait, really?" because she recognized the term because she actually knew someone else who was asexual. So I'm like... well, that saves a lot of confusion, and just confirmed it there. Now, my mom on the other hand... well, tha
  10. Yeah the idea of romantic (and/or sexual) attraction as any kind of glue baffles me for sure. I like to call it 'fairy dust' (think in fantasy novels where it's always more worthwhile to do something without magic, even though you could easily use magic to do the thing). I joke that my husband's good enough that he didn't need the help of fairy dust to catch me- but on the other hand, oh boy would I be screwed if it weren't for him using it! Also it hit me a few weeks ago that... the common theme in songs of "I saw you across the room and I felt this pull" or w/e? It's actually...
  11. Awh, I'm all for cake and ice cream!
  12. I've been in three relationships. First one was during an early entrance to college program (I spent my junior and senior year of high school on a college campus, with other kiddos in the same boat). At the Academy, how it generally happened, since we had all this freedom and lived and went to school together, we'd see people start dating in that... well, two people would start hanging out and getting closer and closer until everybody knew the two were dating, and the couple in question would eventually catch on and admit it. I found myself in one such relationship, my first year at the Acad.
  13. I assumed straight for a while of course (here's to heteronormativity), then I realized that there were other options besides gay and straight, and that they were okay! and for a while (when I realized that um wow let's be honest girls are really friggin cute and I am a sucker for pixie cuts) I assumed I was panro demi- because I hadn't experienced sexual attraction but still figured I probably would eventually, maybe when I was married (I had a conservative upbringing and wanted to wait til after marriage anyways), and, well, I had squishes galore that I thought from context (and the lack of
  14. I've had convos with my husband before, he knows I was back and forth about it. I had him read through this thread and the links, and he said "You're definitely aro ace. And that's okay." I'm glad he's such a good sport (I knew he would be either way, but I still had phenomenal luck to wind up with someone so supportive in general)- and laughed at his quick response.
  15. RedNeko, thank you! That is exactly the kind of response I was looking for when I posted this. Honestly I wanted the aromantic label, but kinda needed a little confirmation from someone. Even though I tell people the exact same thing about asexuality, it really is helpful to hear it from someone else where I'm in kinda unsure territory. So... thank you for this. I also definitely appreciate the two links you shared- I'd seen the first one before, but gave it another read, and definitely could relate to a lot of the points on it- things like the idea of a squi
  16. Heya, I'm here on this forum because while I know I'm asexual, I've recently been toying around with the aro label as well- but am not certain for a number of reasons whether or not it fits. I didn't know that asexual/aromantic were labels that existed, much less were okay, until a good while after I was married. And as I learned more about it (and the discrepancies between how my husband thinks and how I do), I wondered if maybe that was where I fit, and I've been trying to figure out what I feel for my husband, vs how I feel about other people. To me it seems like... he is a frie
  17. Heya, ace here (actually nosing around on these forums because I know I'm ace but am not certain whether or not I'm aro)! I think, as Spud said, it manifests some in "Wow, ___ is hot" - I'm not certain though, it's something I haven't felt, and was always baffled by that sentiment tbh (other people's "hot" to me was more of "well I mean they look nice I guess but ???"). But growing up, I definitely was surrounded by talk like that, of people being hot and later on people getting rather physical in their relationships, and I saw the whole thing as immoral- I didn't know what asexuality was at t
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