Jump to content

For the Aro's and Ace's who have come out of the closet what was your experience?


Recommended Posts

The first person I ever told (back in March maybe?) was a closeish friend of mine. Her exact words were "Aw, you just haven't found the right person yet. Don't worry!"

I don't think  she understood that it's not the person I dislike but the act of romance itself...

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’ve told most of my friends, all of whom I knew were generally accepting. Because I have a few other queer friends it wasn’t really seen as that much of a big deal. Had to do a quick explanation on the difference between aro and ace for a couple of people but it wasn’t because of anyone making  assumptions that aro=ace: someone asked me what the difference was specifically. Since then I’ve mentioned it casually a few times and never had any judgement or problems with anyone, so all in all, it went pretty well!

Tbh I haven’t really felt much pressure around dating/romance because none of my friends are in currently in relationships (afaik) and I’m in an all-girls school, so there isn’t as much dating happening between students. Possibly this made it easier for me to feel comfortable coming out.

I’m still not out to my family and I probably won’t be for a while, because I don’t trust them to take me seriously yet (although the only reason I’m not out to my sister is because it hasn’t come up in conversation yet - she is very accepting 😁).

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Depends on how you view "coming out". I've never done a big announcement to anyone, but I'm open about my identity. If it comes up, I'll mention that I'm aromantic and/or bisexual. Sometimes I get pushback, sometimes people are accepting, most of the time they're just kind of confused. Either way I'm secure in who I am, and usually people come to accept that after a while. But to be fair, I live in a very liberal area and I'm not Christian, so ymmv.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Depends. I usually don't come out, I just tell if it comes in the conversation and I want to do it. So usually it goes well, though I sometimes had bad relationships. Recently my mum told me I should stay opened to romantic love...

But usually, as I have open minded friends, it goes well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i came out to my family and they didnt gaf lol. its not like theyre ama/allonormative to begin w so it doesnt really matter; theyre completely chill w me not getting married and having children

Edited by LIVI0
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, LIVI0 said:

i came out to my friends and they didnt gaf lol. its not like theyre ama/allonormative to begin w so it doesnt really matter; theyre completely chill w me not getting married and having children

Yeah, that’s kinda how I hope most people are because seriously? Who cares if I don’t have kids? Who cares if I don’t date? Why is it someone else’s business if I marry?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, The Aro Mando Echo said:

Lol, most of my friends (who are queer) were just like "Told ya lmao" when I finally had the guts to tell them. They'd been suspecting for years

XD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I came out to some friends of mine about being aro and they were very accepting, with a few needing a brief explanation on what aromanticism is (some of them accidentally say I'm ace and I have to correct them). I'm not out to anyone in my family, other than my brother, who kind of doesn't get it but has the spirit at least.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, HelloThere said:

Yeah, that’s kinda how I hope most people are because seriously? Who cares if I don’t have kids? Who cares if I don’t date? Why is it someone else’s business if I marry?

i meant to type family in that post but never noticed. but i agree lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Most people I've told are ok with it.  I have run into a few jerks...but they are few and far between.

The people I've dated (especially the women) have been a different story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yo solo lo dije, me preguntaron que era ser AroAce y luego de una superficial explicasion me dijeron "a cool" luego siguieron como si nada fue un buen día

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’ve been open about it on social media and in a lgbtqia+ organization for lgbtqia+ Christians where I also held a power point presentation about what asexuality & aromanticism was 😛 I guess I felt the need of explaining it, I was both validated and encouraged but it also drained a lot of energy. 

I’ve come in contact with both ace and aro people in Sweden which is my home country. Asexuality is more well known and awareness are starting to spread I think…. 

But I always feel disappointed when I see aromanticism being forgotten when mentioning the “A”. I know I shouldn’t expect much (due to lack of knowledge and representation) but it always disappoints me anyway. 

I was so relieved when I learnt about aromanticism a couple of years ago (I’m 40 this year) 😌🌈 it means so much to me to know I’m not alone and valid. My identity as aro is so strong when I look back at my life. And it also matters a lot looking into my future trying to figure out how to live my life and build relationships. So it would mean so much to me if aromantic wasn’t forgotten about when talking about lgbtqiA+ 😌 

But that’s my experience from this short time of being aware and open. It’s quite easy to say I’m asexual because people might know about it (even though they don’t understand) have heard about it and if they don’t they accept it’s a sexual orientation. But if I say aromantic and they don’t know about it being an identity I’m going to have to explain what a romantic orientation is and that’s more draining and difficult I think. Since they doubt me, I feel. 

 

But 😌 I’ve got a wholesome memory from when I walked in pride parade in my pretty small home city. I was asked by a priest (an ally) what flags I had. I explained and when I explained the aromantic flag I could see her wrinkle her eyebrows. But when the parade was over a young person ran up to be saying: “I loved to see your flags! I’m also aromantic!!” 

So that encouraged me a lot! An ally might wonder what I’m talking about and wrinkle their eyebrow. But young people might see the aro flag and feel validated and that meant the world to me! 😊

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Elin W said:

I’ve been open about it on social media and in a lgbtqia+ organization for lgbtqia+ Christians where I also held a power point presentation about what asexuality & aromanticism was 😛 I guess I felt the need of explaining it, I was both validated and encouraged but it also drained a lot of energy. 

I’ve come in contact with both ace and aro people in Sweden which is my home country. Asexuality is more well known and awareness are starting to spread I think…. 

But I always feel disappointed when I see aromanticism being forgotten when mentioning the “A”. I know I shouldn’t expect much (due to lack of knowledge and representation) but it always disappoints me anyway. 

I was so relieved when I learnt about aromanticism a couple of years ago (I’m 40 this year) 😌🌈 it means so much to me to know I’m not alone and valid. My identity as aro is so strong when I look back at my life. And it also matters a lot looking into my future trying to figure out how to live my life and build relationships. So it would mean so much to me if aromantic wasn’t forgotten about when talking about lgbtqiA+ 😌 

But that’s my experience from this short time of being aware and open. It’s quite easy to say I’m asexual because people might know about it (even though they don’t understand) have heard about it and if they don’t they accept it’s a sexual orientation. But if I say aromantic and they don’t know about it being an identity I’m going to have to explain what a romantic orientation is and that’s more draining and difficult I think. Since they doubt me, I feel. 

 

But 😌 I’ve got a wholesome memory from when I walked in pride parade in my pretty small home city. I was asked by a priest (an ally) what flags I had. I explained and when I explained the aromantic flag I could see her wrinkle her eyebrows. But when the parade was over a young person ran up to be saying: “I loved to see your flags! I’m also aromantic!!” 

So that encouraged me a lot! An ally might wonder what I’m talking about and wrinkle their eyebrow. But young people might see the aro flag and feel validated and that meant the world to me! 😊

I've never once heard of a religious leader who was super accepting, most Christian leaders I know aren't particularly against or for queer people but do consider most aspects of it to be sinful in some way. Also hold on, you said the priest was a her? That's something rather rare to hear, at least if that's what you meant because I have never once heard of a female priest in America. (Though I haven't exactly looked XD)

Tbh I'd love to get to explain aromanticism to more people, it'll always help just one bit at a time in my opinion. I'd probably cherish the opportunity to educate others about it but I could imagine that getting draining after a while. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

I've never once heard of a religious leader who was super accepting, most Christian leaders I know aren't particularly against or for queer people but do consider most aspects of it to be sinful in some way. Also hold on, you said the priest was a her? That's something rather rare to hear, at least if that's what you meant because I have never once heard of a female priest in America. (Though I haven't exactly looked XD)

Tbh I'd love to get to explain aromanticism to more people, it'll always help just one bit at a time in my opinion. I'd probably cherish the opportunity to educate others about it but I could imagine that getting draining after a while. 

 

Yes both female and queer and queer ally priests are common in the Lutheran church of Sweden! But I don’t think they know much about aromanticism yet. At least not that priest although she walked the Pride parade celebrating every identity she seemed to be doubtful when I explained aromanticism. 
 

im in the evangelical Baptist part of the church. But the church families are different here in Sweden even if there are similarities too. I switched church family a few years ago because I wanted to be in a baptist church that was affirming towards lgbtqia+ people and thats when I found this organization too. But first I was part of it as an ally, it wasn’t before 2021 I realised I was a part of the lgbtqia+ acronym myself. When I told the other queer Christians and came out to them they were friendly and positive but didn’t seem to know a lot about it. That’s why I volunteered to have a presentation about it. The result was that more - especially young people - realised they were ace too, and I know about at least one more in the organization who identifies as aromantic. 

I’m an educated and ordained pastor myself even though I don’t work as that right now. I’m trying to figure out my identity right now and how it affects my life, finding relationships and so on so it’s a good thing I’m not a religious leader right now. I don’t know if I’ll work in church again but if I do I think I’d like to be able to be open about who I am, at least at some level. 

I know a lot of religious people are queerphobic and I was a part of churches like that growing up too. It hurts me a lot :( but it gives me hope when I meet other Christians and people of other religions who are queer or allies to queer people. It has always inspired me a lot and maybe it was touching my heart a lot because I’m a part of myself even though I didn’t realise it when being young. 😌 

Anyway, religion and Christian communities are not easy for queer people of any kind. But there is hope and there are communities with people who are queer themselves. Even in America :) but maybe hard to find in many places. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

I've never once heard of a religious leader who was super accepting, most Christian leaders I know aren't particularly against or for queer people but do consider most aspects of it to be sinful in some way. Also hold on, you said the priest was a her? That's something rather rare to hear, at least if that's what you meant because I have never once heard of a female priest in America. (Though I haven't exactly looked XD)

Tbh I'd love to get to explain aromanticism to more people, it'll always help just one bit at a time in my opinion. I'd probably cherish the opportunity to educate others about it but I could imagine that getting draining after a while. 

 

Not Christian, but when it comes to organized pagan groups, most are pretty accepting. There’s also a lot of priestesses in various types of paganism. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Not Christian, but when it comes to organized pagan groups, most are pretty accepting. There’s also a lot of priestesses in various types of paganism. 

Ah, sorry I tend to assume that most priests are Christian because more often than not they will be, especially in the western world. It’s a habit I’m trying to break. 😅

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Ah, sorry I tend to assume that most priests are Christian because more often than not they will be, especially in the western world. It’s a habit I’m trying to break. 😅

Huh, I’d think more often they wouldn’t be Christian, since only a few denominations actually have priests. I usually associate the term “priest” more with non-Christian religions. Interesting. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Huh, I’d think more often they wouldn’t be Christian, since only a few denominations actually have priests. I usually associate the term “priest” more with non-Christian religions. Interesting. 

Sorry, it’s just more common in america to see Christian priests, we really need more religious diversity here. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...