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attitudes toward touch?


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i wanted to do a poll but i wasn't sure how to categorize.  just curious how you guys feel about touch--what kinds, with whom, under what circumstances.  i'll go first.  basically, overall i'm neutral at best.  like you know how for some people it's a "love language"--a way to express/receive affection, well, for me that doesn't really make sense.  obviously anything in a romantic context is super uncomfortable, but as for platonic/familial, it mostly just feels unnecessary.  occasional hugging, sure, if we're quite close.  cuddling, no.  someone putting their arm around me for comfort, no.  if we're not close, anything feels kind of weird, like if an acquaintance touches my arm (you know how some people do that casually, as if to help convey what they're saying) i'll be a bit thrown off; it would never occur to me to do that.  i suppose people may find it odd that i find these things rather too intimate but am favourable toward sexual acts including with strangers (as long as i'm attracted to them), but i don't see it as incongruous because they're totally different situations.  

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I love hugging, even if I don't know people that well. If they are okay with that of course! One of my friends hates being touched so I just greet her with a very enthusiastic wave and a 'hiiiii' :D People who touch me during conversation (like in your example) I also find a little weird, but I usually don't mind.

Kissing (three times) is sort of the national greeting here, but I don't really like that.

Cuddling I don't like at all, except with my mom maybe?

17 minutes ago, aro_elise said:

i suppose people may find it odd that i find these things rather too intimate but am favourable toward sexual acts including with strangers (as long as i'm attracted to them), but i don't see it as incongruous because they're totally different situations.  

I don't find that weird, it is all about consent and intent after all.

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im not fond of touch, but ill do it. I;m anti touch save for a few people who still ask for permission anyways, i almost will never turn down a hug unless i feel unsafe, trapped, or am not aware you are doing it until its done (like a hug from behind)

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I used to be touch repulsed. Some friends were really great about it, including one friend whose love language definitely includes physical touch who understood I worked differently and was happy with a special handshake. Other friends were...not. One used to laugh and joke that she was "training me" to withstand touch whenever she subjected me to hugs. My younger sister was really the only exception to this. My mom was okay, but I didn't, like, seek out cuddles with her like my sister would. My first boyfriend was an exception as well, but even though I wasn't repulsed, I still didn't seek out any physicality, and I wasn't able to give as much as he demanded.

Related, I went through an extended trauma and my repulsion became numbness. I still don't seek out touch, but I've learned to just tolerate it. Tbh, I miss being repulsed because that at least felt like me. I don't feel indifferent or neutral now. I feel like I just don't feel anymore.

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I'm very touch averse. Almost any kind of touch feels disgusting. It's partially an autistic sensory issue and an OCD trigger, being accidentally touched causes compulsions. I've also never been very affectionate or touchy feely growing up. It doesn't come naturally to me and I have no idea what being "touch starved" feels like.

The one exception is hugs. In the right contexts. They're not normally enjoyable and I rarely ever seek them out when they could be but a brief hug with a family member that I'm not pressured into can be tolerable. And with any kind of touch it's much better if I'm the one initiating it or where I can see and preemptively know that it's happening.

That being said, after I've been figuring out who I am and fixing my body I have a suspicion that I could be affectionate and touchy with certain men if I can get sufficiently close and comfortable with them. I wonder if I could even be demisensual, but I have no idea yet.

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I'm super touch-y. I love hugging, I love cuddling, and I love basically all forms of touching. For me, physical touch is really important (although I'm obviously not going to hug someone who doesn't want me to, or who's touch-averse)

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6 minutes ago, AromanticAardvark said:

I'm super touch-y. I love hugging, I love cuddling, and I love basically all forms of touching. For me, physical touch is really important (although I'm obviously not going to hug someone who doesn't want me to, or who's touch-averse)

i can be both actually, it just depends on how well i know the person, if your a stranger than 'like a good neighbor, stay over there' although if i know the person and know that there is no ill intent in it than ill happily give you a hug/high five/fist bump. I almost never turn down a hug though unless:

1.) your a stranger

2.) I feel trapped

3.) I feel uncomfortable

4.) you come up behind me and do it (Super close friends and immediate family are the only people who have my permission to do this, even then my friends still ask anyways)

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i'm a very sensual person. i love being touched (as long as it's consensual obviously) 

i love being hugged, kisses on forehead, cheeks etc by friends, i feel like i really need being in touch with people, i don't feel good when i lack physical contact

sometimes i also really like making out with strangers, althought i don't do it often. this is something that definitely developed during time and became more after i accepted being both, aro and ace. maybe because the action lose the meanings when you know, there won't be attraction? (people use to be confused if they know i'm not allo what kinda annoys and amuses me at the same time tbh.. once a friend wanted to "rescue" me from a situation in which i kissed a person i met on a party. my friend was having very good intentions tho) 

22 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

I used to be touch repulsed. Some friends were really great about it, including one friend whose love language definitely includes physical touch who understood I worked differently and was happy with a special handshake. Other friends were...not. One used to laugh and joke that she was "training me" to withstand touch whenever she subjected me to hugs. My younger sister was really the only exception to this. My mom was okay, but I didn't, like, seek out cuddles with her like my sister would. My first boyfriend was an exception as well, but even though I wasn't repulsed, I still didn't seek out any physicality, and I wasn't able to give as much as he demanded.

Related, I went through an extended trauma and my repulsion became numbness. I still don't seek out touch, but I've learned to just tolerate it. Tbh, I miss being repulsed because that at least felt like me. I don't feel indifferent or neutral now. I feel like I just don't feel anymore.

i'm sorry this sounds so terrible and disrespectful :(

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I can't imagine touch in a romantic context, but I like hugging, leg stacking (?idk what to call this, but its really comfortable, even if it sounds weird. like. you just pile your legs on top of each other. great for cold weather.), hand-holding and even kisses if they're cheek or forehead kisses. Only with my friends, though. When I was younger, I used to be affectionate /kiss my family members but I went through a period of time where I was scared that the people/things I saw weren't actually what I thought they were and that I was just hallucinating, so I got out of the habit of it for fear of unintentionally kissing a stranger. now I'm very uncomfortable with it. Sometimes I'll hug my parents to make them happy, though.

I've always been  uncomfortable with air kisses or kiss-greetings.

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touch doesn’t bother me, but ive never felt super drawn to it i guess? i have several friends who really likes hugs and stuff but i never really understood the appeal. 

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I like when people I'm close to hug me, touch my arms or things like that... But I would never do it myself, and I can't let people I don't actually know come too close to me

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i like simple touch among some really close friends of mine. like simple, unconscious, tiny touches or movements. like a friend leaning their head on my shoulder cause they're tired, or a stupid little handshake thing that some of my friends all do together. its just the small things that I like a lot. 

hugs are alright. kinda awkward but i don't mind them.

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I really like physical touch. But I don't like it when it is unexpected/unannounced. Someone I am close to just coming up and hugging me from behind is not okay, but that some person doing it after I am aware of their presence and intentions is welcomed. This is more nuanced with people I am not as close to.

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I don't crave touch. A simple hug from a friend or close family member is fine, but things that require prolonged skin contact (holding hands, cuddling, etc.) aren't really for me. I guess I'm mostly indifferent to it unless it's initiated by a touchy-feely stranger.

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I generally don't like touch. Hugs in some contexts: I'm ok with hug-greetings/goodbyes from family & close friends. I'm also ok with sympathy hugs (when someone's pet or family member dies for example) as long as I'm the one initiating & I know they're comforted by it. (Though I don't generally like to be comforted by sympathy hugs myself). The other exception to physical touch is from my young nieces & nephews. Little ones often need touch like holding hands when crossing streets & honestly even their snuggles & cuddles when watching movies or if waking up too early or having a bad dream, etc I'm good with. Perhaps because I'm more unsure of interpretations of touch with adults so I find it uncomfortable & don't like it.  I also don't like massages or anything with strangers touching me. I used to do handshakes with introductions pre-covid as a societal expectation, but it always felt strange internally & thankfully haven't really had to do much of the hand-shaking since the pandemic started, so I can generally avoid that & get away with a respectful nod or wave instead. The not liking touch thing may also be part of being ND, but I'm not sure.

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