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how do i make people NOT attracted to me?


Tinkere
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over the past few months, a few people have shown romantic interest in me, and to be frank it kind of freaks me out 

i’ve had one of my friends from school ask me out, another dude that i was trying to make friends with confessed his love for me and tried to make moves on me (even though we had met that day…), and some other guy i think has a crush on me.

i tend to make friends with mostly guys, so this has started to become a problem for me. what should i do to potentially ward off any people romantically interested in me? i’ve seen things like “just make yourself uglier” or “pick your nose in front of them” , but i actually do take pride in my appearance, and i don’t want anybody to think i’m disgusting either. see, i don’t want to ward away potential friendships, but i just don’t know how to make them not into me romantically :(

i literally wear aro and ace striped pride bracelets and a black ace ring, but most people probably wouldn’t know what that means anyway 

i don’t know what to do, i really like making friends with these people, but they always end up liking me… i’m not sure what to do to prevent new friends from getting a crush on me without making myself downright ugly or something 

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Hm, unfortunately I think that it is impossible to make people not fall in love with you, because you can’t control their feelings. Being gross or making yourself ‘ugly’ won’t work because some people might find that wildly attractive! I understand that it is frustrating though… I always look slightly bewildered and panicked whenever someone confesses their feelings to me and I too would like people to just ‘know’ I’m not available but I guess it can’t be helped :-/

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I don't think there is a way to do that unfortunately. Don't make yourself uglier or change who you are; first it won't work, second it is not healthy to change who you are because you don't like how other react to it.

Hard for me to give an advice as it didn't happen to me since high school. In middle school I had a guy who liked me, I rejected him, but we became friends later even if he still liked me romantically : he was able to understand that I didn't reciprocate and accepted it.

 

Basically, be true about your feelings and what you want, and don't hesitate to remind them if they cross the line. There is nothing more you can do, I think.

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I believe that there are workable strategies. But they are very unethical and emotionally manipulative.

Insult people about their looks or some other area where they "fail" in life (e. g. career / education). Put the finger in the wound. Then immediately, dramatically apologize for this "gaffe" and tell them that they're so sweet and have a heart of gold.

If you do this, I believe there is no chance for romantic feelings to develop while you might still retain them as a "friend".

This is the "best" answer I can come up with. Yeah, don't do this.

IMHO there aren't any good solutions for your problem... 😐

Edited by DeltaV
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20 hours ago, DeltaV said:

I believe that there are workable strategies. But they are very unethical and emotionally manipulative.

Insult people about their looks or some other area where they "fail" in life (e. g. career / education). Put the finger in the wound. Then immediately, dramatically apologize for this "gaffe" and tell them that they're so sweet and have a heart of gold.

If you do this, I believe there is no chance for romantic feelings to develop while you might still retain them as a "friend".

well, I first wanted to answer "be an asshole" too
unfortunately there are also people who are attracted to assholes. and there are people who start relationships while knowing that the other person is toxic.

 

so yeah. I don't think this works.

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You can't control someone else's feelings unfortunately. If you want to stop them from asking you out you could tell them as soon as possible that you're aromantic and explain what that means

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2 hours ago, Acecream said:

well, I first wanted to answer "be an asshole" too
unfortunately there are also people who are attracted to assholes. and there are people who start relationships while knowing that the other person is toxic.

 

so yeah. I don't think this works.

No!!🤨 Read it again. Of course being toxic alone doesn't work. Think about all those Tsundere, most aren't cute but abusive as hell. They're still one the biggest otaku fantasies.

My strategy is far more refined.

For more details buy my books "Off! - The Love Repellent" and "The Aro Artist: The New and Improved Art of not Being Asked Out".

But if you really want to delve into this, enroll in one of my seminars. € 1000 / hour it's a steal. Special discount for Arocalypse users of 1%. 🤑

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Guest Rowan

How is nobody else saying this- Talk about it!!! Most people won't take the hint even if you try to give signs so, you need to talk about how you feel. When you meet someone new who might become a friend, and who you trust enough, tell them. And depending on how comfortable you are with being out, you could ask friends to let other people at school know too. Nothing gets across the point more than "I am aro, this is what I want, this is what I don't want." There isn't a way of stopping random strangers from confessing so you'll still need to deal with that. Being more forward and discussing it should cut down the number people approaching you with romantic feelings by a lot. I hope this helps. 

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I don't know it either, just wanted to let you know I have the same "problem" (and do feel stupid for saying it like this because others would be happy to be get this kind of attention...but not me). Can only advice you to not change who you are. People will feel attracted to you regardless because they see in you what they want to see (and because you do probably have some attractive traits, are friendly, funny, open, etc.).
The only thing we can do is being very honest and straight, saying "sorry, I don't feel this way about you, I don't want to date you" and to cut them off, if it is needed.
I know, the latter sounds harsh but bear with me for a second. I've made the mistake several times to let the other person linger even though they knew I didn't feel the same, even though they knew we were both looking for different things. It's a tactic some people use to get "more" from you regardless or rather they think you will change your mind (🤮); just lived through it recently as of writing this post. If someone doesn't accept and respect your feelings and boundaries, don't let them be part of your life. In general.

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Guest Garlic Cake
On 8/25/2022 at 5:23 PM, Holmbo said:

You can't control someone else's feelings unfortunately. If you want to stop them from asking you out you could tell them as soon as possible that you're aromantic and explain what that means

a lot of people still wont understand it or think they can "change you" so that might work a bit but not all the time

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On 9/1/2022 at 5:58 PM, roboticanary said:

set your hair on fire and run around screaming. also throw toasters at people.

 

ok serious answer, don't do that. its not a good idea to make yourself less attractive to other people just so they dont try anything romantic.

I love the fire toaster idea! I have had this experience multiple times with people who have liked me, looking back it was really obvious they liked me, but I do not pay attention to romance! Politely saying you do not feel the same is normally what I do. And if that does not work, then light you hair on fire and throw toasters!

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16 hours ago, Guest Garlic Cake said:

a lot of people still wont understand it or think they can "change you" so that might work a bit but not all the time

That's true. I usually don't use the term aromantic with people I don't know cause I don't want to spend lots of effort explaining unless it's someone I care about. With strangers I just say I don't date. That's enough, if people are still pressuring me they are being asholes and I'll just not engage with them. Although sometimes it can be fun to just joke around with it. I had long discussions with a guy once who tried to get me to date him and explain why aromanticism is not a thing. I didn't care about convincing him so it was kinda fun just making silly counterarguments.

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