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Aromantic friend yearning...thing?


Cassiopeia
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I have found this comic via tumblr, apparently drawn by Yumi Sakugawa. It just descries this feeling so well.

 

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I totally do this. I have some distant friends I rarely see, or squishes, and I just want to have tea with them  on the balcony, I miss their book recommendations, their laughter, and I want to be important to them.

(In some cases its also combined with a yearning for more sexual type of intimacy, and sometimes its not, just exactly like this.)

 

Its basically what in case of romance (I think) people call pining, but its platonic? We need a word for this? Does anybody have a suggestion?

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I feel this a lot with squishes, with the exception of being okay with them getting into a romantic relationship, but that's mostly due to my cynical belief that my squishes will drop me for romantic partners, rather than the act of my squishes getting a romantic partner itself. I personally don't think a separate term is necessary because I just call it platonic pining, or squishing. I tend to call any feelings or behaviours stemming from platonic love squishing, without bothering to make specific distinctions between individual feelings or actions.

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This absolutely happens to me, both with squishes and with people I'm already friends with. In the former case, I call it "platonic frustration" because it kind of feels like what I'm told romantic or sexual frustration feels like, where the person is just so unbelievably awesome and you really really want to be around their awesome all the time and do awesome things together, so much that it kind of hurts. With people I'm already pretty close friends with, it manifests more as a feeling of "wow, you're an amazing person and I'm so lucky to know you and I'm kind of just in awe of this fact right now, because I can't believe that some weirdo like me could wind up in the presence of someone amazing like you" and similar trains of thought that probably need a lot more punctuation and direction than they have. I don't know, I think I kind of lost my point somewhere. But suffice it to say that I totally relate to this comic.

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I get this a lot. There was this girl in my English class last year and we sorta became friends, but I never really worked up the courage to do much more than ask for their number. I dunno whether we'll be in the same class next year, but I hope so. I definitely get this feeling of 'oh my gosh you're so awesome can we be friends'. :P

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It's so a thing! 

When my closest friend of many years got married and I became her best mate, I was psyched for her. Mainly, probably because I am also friends with her husband, but on a whole, I was just happy, that she found a healthy relationship for herself =D

 

A few weeks ago, though (to make a long story short), she started to put me aside for another friend of her's, let's call her B. B and I knew each other and we worked on projects together. So on top of being the sole focus of my best friend, B started complaining about me and our project work behind my back, which affected the way my friend behaved around me. We've talked it out since then and everything is ok now, but I was so very hurt. When I told another friend of mine she said I sounded "like I'm lovesick" to which I replied "yes I know. It's super weird to me.". 
So.. yeah... Her getting in a relationship and marrying: Happy! Her setting me aside for another friend/becoming somewhat hostile and absent because of it: Hurtful...
So... yeah, that was a new experience for me, but being in friend-love and being friend-lovesick is a thing .___."

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This is a beautiful comic and maybe when I have a squish on someone I might have the courage to send it to them. It perfectly articulates my platonic attraction and I love it when a story/post does that because it solidifies my aroace identity and then I'm super sure I'm not straight.

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I totally get this. It doesn't happen often for me with squishes that I'm barely even friends with, but with those who I become really close friends with, this is definitely something that happens to me.

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This is so so so accurate to me. My issue is that I don't usually have casual friendships-I don't know how, I guess. So I feel this strongly about every friend, and the trouble is that not everyone wants a close friend like that. Recently I was told that a friend who left me most recently felt "smothered" by me and I thought about it for a long time, trying to figure out what I did wrong and how I could have dialed it back. We had been friends for almost a decade so I felt like we had reached that friendship level where I could act like I was close to her. I have no idea what I did, but ever since finding out I apparently smothered her I'm afraid to give in to feelings like in this comic. I don't want to drive potential friends away by enjoying their friendship too much or something. I'm a very passionate person and as soon as I'm comfortable around someone it's hard to dial it down because I love them so gosh darn much. Maybe I have to keep this comic inside and be distant on the outside I dunno lol

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4 hours ago, hangryeowyn said:

I have no idea what I did, but ever since finding out I apparently smothered her I'm afraid to give in to feelings like in this comic.

 

Something like that happened to me last year (about a year ago). My friend just upped and left because I was smothering her with my affection. So now I'm much less intense on the outside, with all but one friend, who's fine with it. It'll get easier to come back out of the distant hole again, but next time (whenever that is), try to communicate your wishes more. Because aro in a world where every form of affection that's remotely different to "just friends" is unfortunately seen as romantic, at least in my experience.

 

I'm here if you need a chat, OK? :icecream:

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This comic just perfectly described my life and how I feel toward my best friend of almost a decade, and somewhat to many of my other friends too.

I don't know, it almost seems like many people who aren't aro don't get these types of feelings as much or at least don't view them as being strong since society places romantic feelings higher than platonic ones?

I feel like if I were to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, platonically, just like being the best of friends and traveling the world together, I would be happy.

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  • 2 months later...
On 17/07/2016 at 3:07 AM, techno-trashcan said:

This comic just perfectly described my life and how I feel toward my best friend of almost a decade, and somewhat to many of my other friends too.

I don't know, it almost seems like many people who aren't aro don't get these types of feelings as much or at least don't view them as being strong since society places romantic feelings higher than platonic ones?

I feel like if I were to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, platonically, just like being the best of friends and traveling the world together, I would be happy.

It's probably more that they see the feelings as romantic, generally speaking. Me and my bestie have this idea that one day we'll have a dream house with all of the fun things in. In Iceland or Scotland. 

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