How do you feel when people start acting intimate with you?

[D0NN13_D1N0]

I am trying to discern whether the strong anxiety I feel when people try to make close eye contact with me or act in otherwise intimate ways, such as playing with my hands or talking in an unusually soft tone is due to being arospec.

It may be because of ADHD, avoidant attachment, being an only child or mild social anxiety, though I assume all of these are interconnected in some way and contribute to this strong negative reaction.

I am interested to hear others' experiences.

Edited November 12, 2020 by D0NN13_D1N0

[SkyTuneRein]

People typically don't try to get intimate with me, if at all, especially in this era. I think people are wise enough not to do so anymore, or maybe it's because I don't exactly prepare myself like I'm going on a date every time, ever.

[roboticanary]

honestly I usually don't mind that much, but there is a bit of me which is constantly thinking 'what am I supposed to be doing' so I very quickly feel awkward.

[Rolo]

I often feel anxiety over these things but I put that down to social anxiety disorder. I see no reason why being aromantic would be connected to my being uncomfortable with these things, but that's just me.

[ScarfOfSexualPreference]

I don't like physical intimacy at all. I always feel stiff and awkward during hugs or kisses or hand holding or whatever. I feel like that's something I could get comfortable with though, if it was with a good enough friend.

[RecoveryMode]

I feel very uncomfortable & my mind sort of starts getting a bit erratic and wants to kind of flee the situation. I’m alright with friendly hugs but when someone starts showing romantic interests towards me or attempts physical affection, I have a strong aversion. It’s weird because I like the idea of it in my head and always loved romantic stories etc. but whenever it materialises itself for me, I kind of freak out internally. 

[cyancat]

as a general rule, i can't stand flippant touches due to repeated events causing a bit of trauma + a healthy dosing of my touch-starved butt having not touched someone in ten something years. in terms of intimacy, i definitely stiffen, on edge, not sure what the heck i'm supposed to do? i tend to reciprocate intimacy only because my general tactic of getting over things is forcibly exposing myself to it until i don't feel anxious anymore. which. generally does not work, but attempts are made. admittedly its also sometimes hard for me to tell whether i'm feeling butterflies or genuine discomfort? but given that i feel like crying when i think about it, i'd say intimacy just tends to be... too much sensory input for my brain. i don't think that's an aro-spec thing [for me] so much as that's just... brain very very unused to physical contact in any form whatsoever much less intimate contact. like scarf said though, i do feel like i could get used to it if its from someone i'm really close to/repeatedly physically affectionate with? but again, dunno if thats the aro/ace-spec going on or the "mmm trauma go brrrrr," although i feel more inclined toward the latter.

Edited November 15, 2020 by cyancat

[El011]

It depends. I don't think it's constructive to be like "what the fuck is wrong with you, you knew i was aro" when someone starts to feel romantically for you and expresses that, like i've been on the other end of that as a greyro and i know how much it hurts to have unreciprocated romantic feelings for someone. and like, you're not responsible for their feelings but as a fellow human being you do have a duty to be kind. you don't have to roll over and be their lapdog when they disrespect your boundaries e.g. trying to kiss you when they know you're not interested, but instead just gently be like "hey, i know it must hurt to have these feelings growing for someone who can't really return them and i'll try to be there for you as a friend if you need that or give you space if you need that, but nothing romantic is going to happen between us." kind, but firm.

however, if someone does know i'm arospec and respects that i'm probably not going to be interested, then i'm okay cuddling and hugging when they're romantically interested in me as long as they don't try to push it.

Edited November 15, 2020 by Finn