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Rising children as qp partners?


ChimChim
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  • 3 weeks later...

No experience but I think I'd like to adopt 1 or 2 kids in the future if I ever manage to find myself a Permanent Platonic Partner TM.  I'd also be interested in any advice/information.

 

I feel like adoption agencies would all favor married couples over two(or more) non-married, co-habitating people.  Can anyone confirm if that's true?

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  • 5 months later...

I'm more interested about adopting alone personally but I think it would maybe be easier to adopt with a qpp. If people assume you're in a relationship (especially if it's straight) they'll probably be more favorable into your adoption. The most important for them is that you're financially stable I think. If you're both financially stable it'll probably won't be a problem. I think the biggest issue would be on the child tho. Because they would probably hear about other children with their parents being in love and together and all that jazz. I mean it's a common thing that divorced parents is pretty hard a child because of society. Now it's a bit better but you've gotta be prefer for them at school hearing about all these others parents being alloromantics together or allos divorced and it could pretty confusing for them. They could wait for their parents to fall in love or just not understanding why you live together (if you do) and in good terms but not together together in a romantic way. They would ask about why you're not kissing like other parents and you'd have to be prepared for that. You'll need to straighten things up pretty soon with them I think and be really clear and ready to fight the ignorance of the system. 

That's where the challenge will be I think (well it's a child so there'll also be a ton of other challenges but regarding you being in a qpp instead of a romantic one). 

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  • 1 year later...

I don't have experience either, but this post made me think of a thing: in most cultures, throughout human history, children were raised by their extended family and community as well as their parents. The idea of a nuclear family, with a mom and a dad who are in a romantic relationship and raise the children, is a relatively new idea. If you're asking if you can raise a child in a non-traditional family, most of human history will tell you: yes.

 

Wish I had actual info to give you, though ?. Hope you find the tips and support you need to raise your kid(s)! ?

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  • 6 months later...

I am a romantic woman,  live together with my (recently discovered aromantic)  partner for 11 years and we have three children. Although our relationship has had a couple of serious crises, as far as the upbringing of our children is concerned we're totally in one line. What would you like to know specifically @ChimChim?

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  • 1 year later...
On 9/1/2017 at 4:20 AM, starstuff said:

I feel like adoption agencies would all favor married couples over two(or more) non-married, co-habitating people.  Can anyone confirm if that's true?

In quite a few instances, here in the US anyway, I have heard of adoption agencies being more reluctant to letting single "parents" adopt. A lot of the reasoning behind it is quite possible due to the large amounts of amatonormativity. There's a lot of pressure to get married before having kids and a strong belief that a family isn't "complete" without both a father and a mother. heteronormativity plays a large role in this as well. And we can't forget the extreme lack of representation and awareness of the Aro community. I personally want to adopt at least 1 kid but I know it'll be extremely difficult without a spouse and even if I were to get married the obstacles wouldn't stop because heterosexual couples are more likely to be allowed to adopt than homosexual couples and if I were to choose to get married it would be with another guy such as myself and likely only for the added benefit of making the adoption process and/or any financial payments easier. Sadly single parents aren't given much credit and if two people aren't married when they adopt then the road to having a child of any age becomes significantly more difficult.

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With adoption agencies favouring married couples it could be that those who don't are forced to prefer married couples by their peers. If you have to justify your decision to other people who do believe marriage is the best it can be useful to go along with it even if you personally would be happy allowing a single person to adopt. 

The other thing is, sadly, media reporting on the times it goes wrong. If someone gets adopted by a married couple and that couple turns out to be awful people it might get a bit of news but they will probably be fine. If that happened but with a single person the fact that person was allowed to adopt would be front and centre. If an atrocity happened with a polyamorous couple adopting that would be front page worthy and the adoption agency would be lucky to survive.

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  • 6 months later...

Yeah all of these obstacles in adopting sound quite annoying..hopefully it's still possible though.
It's something I would love to do in the future, but honestly I wouldn't mind if my QPP had a romantic partner and I can just be a third parent if that makes sense; idk, or adopt alone.

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