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Digestive Biscuits

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Everything posted by Digestive Biscuits

  1. I've noticed a few people have Papo as their profile picture, but didn't think much about it. But I just saw that we have, like, 20 emojis for them. I can't find anything about it on Google, and there was one thread where someone was asking the same thing, but it ended in the execution of Mr Squiggles, who is but isn't Papo? So, uh... who are they? And what's their story? (Or would finding out ruin Papo? )
  2. https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/3/26/16291562/asexuality-tv-history-bojack-shadowhunters-game-of-thrones Article goes into detail about asexuality representation in TV. Author identifies as asexual aromantic. Since asexuality and aromantism goes hand in hand, I thought you guys would enjoy this. I'm hetrosexual yet still enjoyed it, and thought it was well written.
  3. So, considering some of the things you have said about staying with your wife because you think you still have feelings, you resisting the, what I assume to be, romantic feelings you are developing for other people and the fact this is posted in off topic, I assume you are alloromantic. This isn't really the best place for your type of relationship advice, considering the fact that most of us can't fully relate. That doesn't mean we can't help, but our opinions are coming from the mouths of people who are on the arospectrum, and thus have much different experiences of our own. As for you issue, my opinion is that your relationship doesn't seem to be very healthy in it's current state. It appears she is very controlling, and you feel like you can't be yourself, so objectively it sounds quite toxic. The only things I can suggest is, if you haven't already, try talking to her about how you feel, and try to keep it escalating into a fight. I know lots of people in relationships that can freely go out and do things with other people, so don't think it is unusual for you to want the same. Ultimately though, if that doesn't work, then maybe it is time to move on. Relationships don't always work out, but it's always important to learn from them. In saying that, it's not my place for me to tell you when you should end your relationship; it fully comes down to you and what you feel. Good luck.
  4. Oh wait, the term wasn't coined by the aromantic community? That is pretty cool OK, I understand now. I hope it goes a little more mainstream so then we can use it as a reference point when discussing aromantism.
  5. Sounds just like a QPR, but at work! I imagine it could include a sexual aspect for us allosexuals, although I don't think it would be great to mix sex with work... Also, I imagine a work-wife would be the same thing, except female. I'm not a massive fan on the term 'wife' or 'husband' though, as it implies a long-term commitment, which makes me uncomfortable. Still, doesn't have to be long term.
  6. Hmm... It's very difficult to judge someone's orientation from the outside for obvious reason, the only one who can know for certain is the person themselves, or in this case C. If he says he's aromantic, even if he 'contradicts' that statement with his actions, then he's still almost certainly aromantic. If, in say a month or so, he says he's demiromantic, the his orientation has changed and he's almost certainly demiromantic. His romantic actions could be coming from a place of platonic love. Being aromantic doesn't mean he doesn't want to engage with you with these actions. When he says he loves you, he's possibly tapping into that platonic love. To him, love might mean that, and it's genuine. He obviously cares about you a lot, otherwise he wouldn't be saying things like "spending the rest of your lives together". His actions sounds like it might be his true way of expressing himself to you. I don't think your relationship is toxic, quite the opposite actually. I think C might be uncomfortable with titles, so perhaps you should discuss with him more the "dos and do nots" of your relationship rather than name it. Specifically ask him what he wants. I wouldn't bring up your relationship by calling it a 'romantic relationship' anymore with him, unless he's happy with calling it such (this isn't to downplay your relationship though, it's simply to make him more comfortable. A relationship can be anything you want it to be). You could simply call it "our relationship" if a title is really necessary. Also, please please please don't change your behaviour now that he's come out! It's not easy to tell someone that you're aromantic, and to change your behaviour because of it can been extremely hurtful! If you do feel like you've fallen out of feelings for him and truly can't act the same, then at least tell him that. Anyway, that's my relatilnship advice from a aromantic who has never been in a serious relationship, so take it all with a grain of salt Let us know what you decide to do.
  7. Oh man, that's pretty much exactly what I want... If you don't mind me asking, is your friend alloromantic or aromantic? And if they are alloromantic, does it effect anything or play much into both of you living together?
  8. I love this I don't have anything really much to say about adopting kids with your PPP or QPR, but it's definitely something I'd be interested in future.
  9. I live in Australia, so casual swearing is pretty regular. Although occasionally you come across someone who take offence to it, which makes things awkward....
  10. A QPR, to me, would be a monogamous relationship with someone I'm happy to do some certain things with that are usually only done in romantic relationships. These things include probably living together, chipping into finances and saving for a house, sex (Since I'm sexual), but also perhaps testing the waters on what romantic actions I'm happy to do, such as trying out hand holding and kissing. But like everyone else said, the nature of a QPR is entirely dependant on what the people in the QPR want.
  11. I've come out to friends. It's nice, as long as your friends are accepting, although I've found they're not as particularly romantic themselves as most. I have one friend that is gay, so we both have the common ground that we've both different. So overall, it's been a good experience. I don't think I could tell my family though. I think it'd confuse them rather than cause them to be upset though, and ultimately they want whatever makes me happy, so there's really no point in explaining aromanticism to them. If they ask why I'm still single, i'll just simply tell them I'm not interested in dating, but I'm happy.
  12. Yep, definitely. I'm heterosexual, yet consider myself aromantic. It comes with it's own set of challenges different from asexuals (particularly figuring out that you're actually aromantic can be difficult, so well done!), although I wouldn't say being one is better than the other.
  13. I had a little difficulty understanding what was being asked (lots of big words in there...), but I think I understand enough to express my uneducated opinions on what I think you're asking. So my understanding is that you're asking if amatonormality is harmful to or cannot exist with Queerplatonic-Relationships (QPRs), or at least the concept of QPRs? This is... a very tricky question... I ultimately believe the level of harm it causes to QPRs is dependant on the person or people who follow this train of thought. The more social pressure there is to conform to their thoughts, then obviously the more stress someone faces when they don't submit to it. This pressure varies in intensity depending on the person or people too, so the mother to an aromantic individual would usually have greater influence than just some random person on the street. However, where it gets even trickier is the fact that amatonormative thinking is for ALL people to seek romantic relationships, including both romantic and aromantic singles. I can imagine aromantics using the title of QPRs to publicly describe their relationship in order to, in some way, sate people who are applying this pressure (And again, the effect of this varies from person to person). Through this, we could even assume that sometimes amatonormative thinking even CAUSES QPRs at times. I myself have been lucky to have avoided such people, although I haven't been in a QPR myself... I ultimately believe that amatonormative thinking effects individual QPRs in such a variety of ways, dependant on so many variables, that to gauge an overall effect would be very, very difficult. That's my uneducated thought anyway. I hope I got that part of the question right? (It's getting late at night and I'm tired...) As for if amatonormative thinking creates the existence of QPRs as a response to them, I don't think so, at least not all of them. To me personally, I would use it as a label for a relationship that is modified form of a 'normal' romantic relationship (although I do see QPRs being more of a modified friendship, that's my opinion anyway). I would like to label my relationship as such regardless if people were pressuring me with amatonormative pressure (which I haven't encountered much of yet). As I said earlier though, i can definitely see it creating some QPRs. Let me know if I misunderstood anything. I'm gonna post this and hope for the best.
  14. Woah... didn't expect so many responses... Thanks everyone Well, I'll throw in my opinion too, since everyone else did. --- --- 1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?) I didn't realize that this question is actually kinda tough... since, you know, animals don't really display romance to one another. Still, I reckon a good one for me is cat, just like time-is-ticking and Soulwolf for pretty much the same reasons. I did like all the animals though. 2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief? I would say yes, but recently I thought I was going to lose a friend due to an argument, and I really, really care for them, but the term 'heartbroken' didn't seem to fit it... but it was an argument; I'm not sure what I'd feel if they had died. Maybe it's more of a personal prefrence to an individual? 3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing? QPR! I MEANT QPR! Goddamnit... I really can't spell... sorry Mezzo Forte. I see it as a modification of a friendship, but in saying that I can't see why it couldn't be classed as it's own thing. I suppose it already is, since it's got it's own name. 4) Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why? Nah. I think around 98% or something of the population is alloromantic (correct me if I'm wrong though, it's more of a logical guess). Because of the overwhelming majority of the world being alloromantic, there's very few issues with conflicting romantic orientations that they experience. If the world was 50/50, I imagine the aromantics being pretty happy, but alloromantics and even some others on the aro-spectrum (e.g. Grey Romantics) would suffer from falling for aromantics who can't return their feelings and fulfill their needs. That's 50% of the population potentially suffering, instead of the much lower percentage that is right now. I think it would be nicer to have more aromantics however, so then there is a greater chance of meeting one another and helping each other out. Also, there are the issues Mezzo Forte and Open Ace said. So if I get my one wish from a Genie sometime, I won't be changing the ratio. I'll probably just ask for some chocolate or a PS4 instead, haha. --- --- Anyway, keep the conversation going! It's really interesting reading what everyone's opinions are.
  15. Hey all, I thought I'd start a thread where I ask some questions for people to think about. (Apologies if this or the questions I ask have been done before, there's so many threads and comments that I haven't caught up yet...) These questions just meant for fun and aren't about coming to a universal conclusion or creating a fierce debate about them. They're more about personal opinions. And remember, it's for fun! You can post your opinion if you want, you don't have answer them all, and maybe even post other interesting questions you have. I might do this again if this goes well, and I come up with other questions (and if I'm not lazy...) --- Questions --- 1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?) 2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief? 3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing? Bonus tough question: Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?
  16. Out of my friend group, I've only told one friend. I had a squish on them which I confused for a crush, and so, for some reason, I decided I 'had' to ask them out. So I did that, and she told me they weren't looking for a relationship at the moment (this was before I knew what being aromantic was). I was actually kinda relieved and we went on being friends as if nothing happened. Fast forward a year, and I had just found out about aromantism and was figuring out if I was aromantic or not. I told her all about it and how I thought I had a squish on her rather than a crush, and she responded "That explains a lot. I remember when you asked me out that you seemed hesitent and not particularly bothered if I said yes or no." We read some more about aromantism and figured out that she's on the aromantic spectrum somewhere (She's only felt attraction to fictional characters and never anyone in real life, can't remember the name of what it's called, haha) So yeah, kinda helped strengthen our relationship a bit, although we're both on the spectrum which helps a lot. She's the only one I've told though, I'd like to tell everyone else in our friend group and see their reaction, as I know one is alloromantic as it gets.
  17. I love Modest Mouse's album 'We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank'. To me, it seems to be about "finding yourself" (as cliche as that sounds, I can't find another way of putting it, aha) and the difficulty of finding a place to settle. Either way, there's no romance songs, although Spitting Venom can be perceived as a heartbreak song about a toxic relationship (nothing lovey dovey though, probably my favourite song on the album). They're pretty 'alternative' however, and won't be for everyone's taste (World's At Large is such a good song as well, regardless of taste). Judging by Limp Bizkit, you'd like old school Linkin Park as well. Putting the memes aside, they're a good band, first two albums are great and I can't remember any romance songs in them... Will be lurking this thread to pick up more songs.
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