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Anon95

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  1. Since yesterday I (F27) am sort of in a long distance relationship. I say sort of because we will take it reaally slow. Maybe “relationship” in the not even the right term yet. I’ve been talking to this guy for a while now and yesterday he confessed that he liked me. I didn’t outright reject him but made clear that I didn’t really know what to feel. I know he likes me way more than I like him. I don’t even know if I like him in a romantic way? I really do want to like him though but I’m not even sure if I’m really capable of that since I barely ever feel attracted to anyone. However I know that we have a really good connection and we can talk for hours on the phone. It’s rather nice. I guess my normal reaction of feeling sick to the stomach is not really there because we are not able to meet right now. He said he’s fine with taking it really slow and was very understanding in my struggles with relationships. He said that even if we eventually meet irl we’ll do nothing that makes me uncomfortable. He said for example just going to a nice place and sitting on a bench to talk would be perfect because he loves to listen to me talking. Even though it’s a bit scary, I really want to try this time and see how it goes. And he’s okay with that too, and that’s important to me because I never felt like I could do that without hurting the other person’s feelings: take it slow and see how it goes without any pressure, without having to be certain that I will come to like the person as much as they like me. A few years ago I stumbled cross the term aromantic. I can relate to the stories on this site, yet also it never 100% fit. For years I felt like I was just floating around with no real answers. Everyone around me was getting into relationships or at least really wanted one. And I was like meh maybe one day it could be nice. But then someone showed interest and it felt like the end of the world to me. I just hope that him and I can make this work somehow.
  2. I find it difficult to answer if I associate the two with each other. I think I separate them? But maybe also not? Sorry haha. The thing is, nobody has ever expressed sexual interest in me either. At least, not that I have noticed. It only romantic interest. But for me, that was enough to feel utterly disgusted with sex too. In that moment, everything about that person grosses me out. I also feel disgust toward myself.
  3. I don’t consider myself ace because most of the time I’m fine with sex. At least, the thought of it. But maybe that's because at that moment I’m not in a situation where someone could want to have sex with me? Sometimes I have moments when I think I would be fine with a relationship, but when I find myself in a situation where someone is interested in me I’m like "what was I thinking ugh nope." I mean, maybe that could also be the case with sex? Fantasizing about it is something else than the reality. Sorry, I don’t know if I was able to explain it properly. Do you feel the same regarding sex even in a situation where someone expresses their romantic feelings for you?
  4. I and another member were talking about the fact that we not only experience romance repulsion when someone is interested in us but also feel sexually repulsed. Personally, when someone expresses their romantic feelings for me, I feel disgusted with myself and the person in question. And it is not only disgust towards the romantic part, but also the thought of sex grosses me out. The whole act itself becomes a big nope for me for a while. I’m 24 and I've never had sex, so I have no experience, but I'm normally neutral or positive toward it. Could sexual repulsion be related to romance repulsion?
  5. Ohh you are definitely not alone in those feelings! I’m awkward as hell when people flirt with me. Just no. I don’t know what to do with it. And I don’t want to do anything with it. And that feeling when you know they are going to confess... because you just know. Ugh... I was also like “no don’t say it nOooO....” And then they confess and I wanted to disappear. I’ve felt physically sick after people told me they liked me. A feeling of nausea mixed with dread. You just want to get away from them as quickly as possible.
  6. Hi! I sometimes wondered why it seemed to me that everyone around me fell in love (and in my eyes so easily.) For example, I was a bit amazed at how someone who confessed to me (and I rejected them) had a girlfriend not even a year later. I stumbled upon the term after searching the internet when once again I wondered if there was something wrong with me for not falling in love or not liking the idea of a romance in a relationship, or even not really desiring a relationship. I watched a clip of someone talking about aromanticism, and something clicked in my head, it was like “oh, a lot of this is really familiar." Though, I’m still not sure how well this term fits me, but what I know is that I can find myself in a lot of the characteristics of being aromantic.
  7. I’m aware of the possibility of being aromantic and not being asexual. I have thought before about perhaps being asexual, but like you pointed out, I’m still interested in that stuff, so it doesn’t fit. Yes, you’re right! It’s indeed true that kissing and sex do not have to be romantic, even if society likes to make us think otherwise. And yes, to me trying things as sex and kissing seem much more appealing when there’s no romance involved. That’s were indeed these conflicting feelings could come from! Wanting to try these things, but at the same time being repulsed at the idea when romance is involved. And thank you for the thread! I will check it out!
  8. I have thought about the possibility of being lithromantic before. But I never have liked someone who liked me back, so I can not say for sure if I would stop liking someone if they showed interest in me. That’s indeed true! It’s just because I’m not really outgoing. I like doing things with friends, but I also highly value being on myself. That's why the thought of "maybe I just don't meet enough people" crosses my mind sometimes. I'm a uni student, so it's not like I don’t meet new people. And like you said, attraction doesn’t appear when you look for it, it just happens. I’m often amazed at the others around me who— in my eyes —fall in love so easily. They get attracted to someone, and I just don't.
  9. First off, English is not my first language, and I’m also fairly new to this all, so I apologize for any mistakes! I will try to not make this too long. In short, I think I might be aromantic, or at least, I may be able to place myself somewhere on the spectrum of aromantic. I'm a 24 old female. Never had a boyfriend. I always thought I was just a late bloomer in the whole getting into a relationship thing. I thought for sure that my time would come, that I would fall in love. But it just never happened. I would sometimes imagine what it would be like to kiss, hold hands, etc. But it was not like I was desperately searching for someone. I can not really say that I have experienced having a crush on someone. I for sure can say that a person is hot, or good looking, but the whole butterflies in the stomach thing, I can't recal ever having experienced that. And even the times were I may have felt some attraction toward someone, I did not do anything with it. It was just too weak and disappeared shortly. However, I have had (and still have) crushes on fictional characters. But even those I would not classify as romantic love? I think? From the time of 15 to 22, 3 good friends of mine have confessed that they liked me, and I rejected all three of them, felt repulsed even by their love. I felt betrayed. I felt like they didn't respect my boundaries, somehow. They felt more than friendship toward me, and I could not do anything about it. I probably should have felt flattered, but I just really did’t like the idea of them liking me, thinking about me in a romantic way. It just gave me the shivers. We remained good friends though, I didn’t want those confessions to stand in the way of our friendship! One of them has a girlfriend now, so I’m happy for him It's just that the idea of being in a relationship is nice, but getting in one for real is just like a big nope for me. I just can't imagine myself kissing someone, or holding hands, etc. However, I'm still curious about sex and kissing??? (and sometimes even crave for it!) But maybe I'm only attracted to the idea of doing these things? Because romantic stuff weirds me out, and I'm not really into the physical contact. When one of those three friends asked if he could kiss me I wanted to vomit. I just don’t feel the need for romance. And it just hit me today when I heard that yet another friend of mine got into a relationship. I'm feeling left out, and that while I'm fine with being single. A relationship seems such a hassle to me. I rather spent my time on something else. I feel like I'm just too busy with other things that seem much more important. Most of the time I'm fine being single. Only sometimes I get those strong feelings of doubt. I'm sometimes also afraid of what others will think of me being single at 24... So my question is, could I be aromantic? My fear is that I'm just using it as an excuse for why I don't have experienced love yet at my age. Maybe I’m just shy? Maybe I should put more effort into finding someone? But... a part of me is telling me that that is not the case here. I'm sorry if this wall of text is messy and confusing. I’m still confused myself on what to think and feel. And I probably didn't word everything as clear as I could have.
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