Jump to content

What’s the best/worst response you’ve gotten to coming out?


Recommended Posts

when i came out to my brother and sister they both tried to make sure that i wasnt being hasty or trying to box myself into a label but were otherwise supportive, though my sister did tell me that after her first relationship (with one of my brothers friends) she thought she was aro because of how bad it was. so that was pretty funny

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Warning for aphobia and toxic people

I haven't really come out but have hinted at it. Looking at the responses I might just keep it to myself...

"Oh, you'll find someone!"

"But you said you like [guy]" (It was aesthetic atrrac.)

"I can help you feel and look more attractive!"

"I wouldn't date you either"

"I'll set you up with someone!"

"You're just a late bloomer."

"So you're gay?"

"You don't know how to talk to boys."

And the worst one 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁:

"Do you really find yourself so repulsive that you don't want to date?"

Most of the "good" reactions were just mutrering like "mmhkay". So yeah.

  • Like 2
  • Sad 2
  • Angry 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friends were very accepting and cool about it when I came out to them. My parents not so much. But they are getting better

I'll try to keep this short.  When I first "told" them (I was outed and then forced to come out), they weren't accepting. Even though they had a lot of time beforehand to research the aro/ace "label", they didn't. So they had no idea what it meant. They had told me that I'm "too young" and "too immature" and I wouldn't know and stuff like that.  

The worst reaction that I ever got (from my parents, after they forced me to come out) was definitely this: "It makes us sad that you think that you'll never experience love."   

They are trying to get better but at the same time I don't trust them. 

 

  • Like 3
  • Angry 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't officially come out with terms (ace/arospec) partially because I didn't know they existed when friends/family had conversations about relationships, but I'd describe myself as just being "not interested" or say things like, "that's not for me."

The responses I got in the past were generally things like:

"You just haven't found the right person yet." "You need to try harder or you'll end up alone forever."  "Your time will come." or "Aren't you afraid you're missing out?"

So when I DID find the terms a few years ago, I didn't bother bringing it up again except to one true friend whose response was, "That makes so much sense."

I'm older now (41), so I think my family & friends have either accepted me or given up on my ever finding a partner, which I'm fine with. I'm just glad to have discovered that I'm not alone in my experiences. 🙂

 

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

oh yeah! and another one that I got was when I made a "friend" (gonna be called 'Drama") promise not to out me (this was when I was newly AroAce too) Drama promised they wouldn't but not even 24 hours later at the end of the school day (THE.SAME.DAY) and Drama had outed me to two other people we both knew (they were on my side of this happening) and their response as to why they outed me was "Well, I wanted you to know there were people you could trust" I wish I would of said "And I trusted you! I have trust issues for a reason" but I didnt say anything like an idiot!

  • Like 2
  • Angry 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/23/2023 at 2:42 PM, KoconutBounty said:

oh yeah! and another one that I got was when I made a "friend" (gonna be called 'Drama") promise not to out me (this was when I was newly AroAce too) Drama promised they wouldn't but not even 24 hours later at the end of the school day (THE.SAME.DAY) and Drama had outed me to two other people we both knew (they were on my side of this happening) and their response as to why they outed me was "Well, I wanted you to know there were people you could trust" I wish I would of said "And I trusted you! I have trust issues for a reason" but I didnt say anything like an idiot!

 Betraying your trust to prove there are people you can trust, that's a whole new logic.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In middle school I thought I was bi. I told this guy who liked me, he walked away and said, "I think I should stay away from you then." So I said, "Just kidding." Then I tried to tell my best friend. She did the same thing. So again I said I was kidding. 

Ironically she has now realized she is bi, and I have realized I am not. 

I forgave her, she was a product of her environment and had misunderstandings about the LGBT+ community. I said things about things I didn't understand back then too. 

My best experience coming out was when I came out to my father. He was just so wholesome about it. Unfortunately that was the last time I ever saw him. 

Edited by Procrastinating
  • Like 4
  • Sad 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/25/2023 at 12:58 AM, Procrastinating said:

My best experience coming out was when I came out to my father. He was just so wholesome about it. Unfortunately that was the last time I ever saw him. 

Internet hugs if you want them.

Edited by hemogoblin
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It wasn’t really a “coming out” per se, but me and a friend of mine were on FaceTime and I was saying how I definitely didn’t like him, but I would totally wanna raise kids together (I specified that they wouldn’t be ours, but adopted). And he legit said “That sounds kinda asexual to me” and I got so embarrassed even though I could have played off the joke and been fine. Later in the night while we were still on FaceTime, I messaged him saying that I was actually aroace not just asexual. 
He was really supportive about it, and we’re still friends to this day, though our plans for raising kids together had fallen through lol. 

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was somewhat forced to come out to my mother (she wouldn’t stop insinuating that I was a lesbian and accusing me of not trusting her) so during a rather unpleasant confrontation I told her, without using any labels, that I had never been attracted to anyone. She then called me a liar and demanded that I “admit who I really am”. *sigh*

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1
  • Angry 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/3/2023 at 9:08 AM, unromanceable_npc said:

I was somewhat forced to come out to my mother (she wouldn’t stop insinuating that I was a lesbian and accusing me of not trusting her) so during a rather unpleasant confrontation I told her, without using any labels, that I had never been attracted to anyone. She then called me a liar and demanded that I “admit who I really am”. *sigh*

 

I'm sorry. This sounds awful & uncomfortable. My mother used to question me, but I think she was genuinely coming from more of a place of concern and worry - either that I wasn't happy or was afraid to tell her who I really was rather than taking an accusatory tone. I know you didn't ask for advice, but this may be helpful to read if you haven't already (or even to share with your mom if you think it might help): https://www.aromanticism.org/en/news-feed/coming-out-advice

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Acearospec said:

I'm sorry. This sounds awful & uncomfortable. My mother used to question me, but I think she was genuinely coming from more of a place of concern and worry - either that I wasn't happy or was afraid to tell her who I really was rather than taking an accusatory tone. I know you didn't ask for advice, but this may be helpful to read if you haven't already (or even to share with your mom if you think it might help): https://www.aromanticism.org/en/news-feed/coming-out-advice

My mother is probably coming from a place of worry, too. I’m not sure whether I want to broach the topic again given her previous reaction, but nonetheless thanks for the kind words and resources!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, I was outed. I didn't have any bit of knowing. I hated it. 

This was roughly a month or two ago, I still feel the repercussions of saying I was Aro, I didn't say I was yes. But the way I said it, my parents assumed. 

They searched up what Aro was, found this site. Read around, they sorta mocked me in a sense. But we're supportive a bit. They really don't like labels, saying I should focus on grades instead of myself. 

  • Angry 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, ArrowAce said:

They really don't like labels, saying I should focus on grades instead of myself. 

uhm im VERY sure that your body, identification, and mental health, and just yourself in general is more important than some stupid grades

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, ZaiynXavier said:

My worst is when I told my mom and she just said, “yOu hAvEnT mEt tHe RiGhT pErSon” 

i hate it-

i havent came out to my immediate family yet and idk if i plan to because they are slightly homophobic but ive been thinking on it but am still unsure.

also welcome

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Worst: Mild confusion, followed by "Right, so what i'm hearing is you don't want to date Pikachu." (I used the Jaiden video to help explain what it was.) Honestly mildly amusing all in all.

Best: Oh, that makes so much sense.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/3/2023 at 7:08 AM, unromanceable_npc said:

She then called me a liar and demanded that I “admit who I really am”

 

On 2/10/2023 at 9:50 AM, ZaiynXavier said:

My worst is when I told my mom and she just said, “yOu hAvEnT mEt tHe RiGhT pErSon” 

 

To anyone who uses this type of logic, FUCK YOU!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 11 months later...

Best (context: i said "well, you won't be finding a girlfriend if the only two girls you hang out with are aro" and then proceeded in the normal fashion of giving a vocab lesson):
(said by the other girl btw) "OHHH so there is a lable for that! You are amazing!"

On 2/8/2023 at 10:20 AM, Maryland said:

They really don't like labels, saying I should focus on grades instead of myself. 

thats kind of my parents in a nutshell, haven't came out to them yet

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've only come out to a handful of people, all close friends, and I haven't had anything too bad. I haven't tried my parents, I don't think they'd get it. 

Interestingly, the worst has been from an ace friend of mine, who, as opposed to the aro-ace solidarity I was hoping for, pulled out the good ol' "You'll find someone someday! :)" while the best has been from my very alloromantic + allosexual roommate who had no idea what the label meant :P once I explained and answered her polite follow up questions she was very sweet and supportive. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...