Jump to content

Being aromantic, what makes you feel different?


Ted guy
 Share

Recommended Posts

My biggest difference is "love is very specific".

People seem to pick partners at random. They ask them out, and it's usually yes unless they find them very unattractive.

That's mind boggling to me.

-------------

When I was growing up, I would turn down pretty girls. This led people constantly to claim I was gay.

After I found out I was aromantic, I realized I had hurt a lot of girls' feelings (without knowing it). I feel bad now.

They would think I was building a connection to them, but I really was just being nice. I didn't realize this made them feel a certain way.

I have no comprehension for these emotions. I just feel bad now.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mostly not knowing what love feels like. Because even if I can pretend around my friends and family, that I do know the feeling, it's like I'm lying to myself, because I know that I won't be able to experience it, no matter how much I'd want to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watching all of my awesome friends start dating people and each other and wanting a connection but not feeling one. Though I guess I know if I ever had a chance to be in a romantic relationship I would probably turn it down. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Probably my biggest "difference" is how I perceive romantic love. Until I learned about aromanticism, I assumed everyone was faking (and also hurt people inadvertently), and now I think people have a degree of hubris about romantic love, where they justify objectively bad choices by saying that love excuses it. That and a complete lack of interest in romance related things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

29 minutes ago, Neon said:

Probably my biggest "difference" is how I perceive romantic love. Until I learned about aromanticism, I assumed everyone was faking (and also hurt people inadvertently), and now I think people have a degree of hubris about romantic love, where they justify objectively bad choices by saying that love excuses it. That and a complete lack of interest in romance related things.

Yes! You and I are on the same page aboit that.

I find people make horrible romantic decisions and I don't understand them.

To me, you're picking the person you want to spend your life with.

To me , its critical you find something that lines up perfectly. Because if you let anyone be that person, the odds are things will go bad!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

51 minutes ago, Ted guy said:

I find people make horrible romantic decisions and I don't understand them.

Even if there is mutual attraction on all sides, that doesn't mean that people are going to be compatible. They could be a bad fit based on things as small as wearing shoes in the house. People shouldn't stay together, or at least not follow the societal-norm path if they can't mesh easily.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/13/2022 at 4:20 PM, Ted guy said:

People seem to pick partners at random. They ask them out, and it's usually yes unless they find them very unattractive.

That's mind boggling to me.

This is a big difference I feel too. I understand attraction for the most part but asking out people who are practically strangers is confusing. Like how you're supposed to get to know someone while dating. And then there are the times where you match with people on dating sites n stuff and suddenly they're really into you and gung-ho about dating even though they don't know you at all- and by you I mean me lol

On 11/13/2022 at 5:54 PM, Ted guy said:

I find people make horrible romantic decisions and I don't understand them.

This too! I really don't get why people will stay in a relationship that's obviously making them unhappy. If you don't like your partner anymore then break up with them. (I mean I think married couples and long-term partners should try to work through their issues, but if things go south after a year or two? hit the bricks)

Another difference I feel is just... the path that my life is on. I'm different from most of my friends because I'm not in a relationship. I'll have to make different decisions regarding things like money, housing, etc. unless I end up in a serious QPR. I love the idea of living with friends but I'm the only aro person I know, and everyone else seems to think of those situations as temporary until they find a romantic partner to move in with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What really confuses me is how people plan for things like marriage or to have a significant other. I have only been "interested" in ONE person my entire life. So the biggest different for me is people having a general desire and craving for romance. I have only craved when I met someone that I clicked with by chance. What also confuses me is when people are surprised that I don't date or seem to care about being in a relationship. They also project things on me like: Me eventually meeting someone/falling in love, me being in a relationship, getting married and having children. I honestly just don't get it because I don't see that happening for me AT ALL. I know how I feel when I like someone and I don't think I'll ever feel that way again. While everyone else plans to have families, I plan to be single with a pet or too. I also cannot relate to the fear of dying alone or not having anything to leave behind. Being grayro allows me to see the flaws and falsities in romance as well, so I don't get all sentimental when I see people get engaged or married like everyone else. 

Edited by Terra Branford
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...