Are you proud to be aromantic?

[Ikarus]

I have had this thought for a long time, why do people say they are PROUD to be aromantic/asexual/gay, etc. 

Obviously there is history behind pride month. The first pride which was a Stonewall protest in response to a police raid, the fact gay was labeled as a mental disorder, criminalized, discriminated against etc. Society at that time and in the modern day has bigots, and homophobes, and people trying to fix homosexuals. The response to this awful discrimination is, I am not ashamed to be who I am, I am proud to be gay / gays bi etc deserve equal rights etc. Also I don’t want to compare my experience to being gay etc. I am just talking about why people used the word pride as a response against societal discrimination, and we continue to use the term pride today. 

For me personally I don’t relate to pride and feeling proud of myself on a semantics level. I am not ashamed to be aromantic, on the contrary I am accepting of myself and love being aro. I just don’t feel proud to be who I am.  

Pride: 

1. A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.

2. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association.

3. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.

definitions from Wordnik

I relate to the word pride in the sense that it’s the antonym of being ashamed but I stop there. What did I do to become aromantic? I was born aromantic, I never studied to get my aro diploma, nor did I unlock the aro achievement through deep meditation practice. Being aromantic alone doesn’t make me a respectable and virtuous person. I did nothing to become aro and being aro gives me no quality which is necessarily more virtuous than anyone else in society. Being aro isn’t a developable character trait, a faculty of the mind such as reason that can be developed through learning, a practice that can be challenging like meditation, it’s not a quality I can use to contribute to society on a significant level to better humanity. 

Being aro is just the way I was born, I am not ashamed of it and love being aro but I certainly don’t deserve any sense of achievement for simply existing as this orientation. Thats just what I think about the word pride I would love to see your thoughts. Do you feel a sense of pride being aromantic, and if so why? Do you feel unashamed and accepting of yourself and use those feeling to define your pride? Let me know what you think I am very curious to hear your thoughts. 

[AroAcedragon15]

I am accepting of the fact that I am aro.But people could have their own definition of being proud.To me being proud is being yourself and knowing that your feelings and experiences are just as valid as everyone elses and not letting anyone or anything change that.So yes in my own way I am proud to be aro.

[Sili]

27 minutes ago, Ikarus said:

Pride: 

1. A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.

Am I proud of being Aro? No, being Aro is just a part of who I am. Its a very important part of who I am, which has shaped my life in ways I wouldnt have imagined, especially considering I didnt realise I was Aro until very recently. A lot of my relationships with others are influenced by my being Aro, and a lot of my actions have been influenced by my being Aro, again, without even realising I was Aro.

However, I do take pride in who I am. I think I am a reasonably good person. I have qualities that would generally be considered good, and and a lot of my actions have been influenced by these traits. They have influenced my life in ways I wouldnt have imagined, and a lot of my relationships with others are influenced by these traits. I have not worked to gain these traits, they are just a part of who I am.

I'm not proud to be Aro, but I am proud to be me. If I wasnt Aro, I wouldnt be me.

[AroAcedragon15]

7 minutes ago, Sili said:

I'm not proud to be Aro, but I am proud to be me. If I wasnt Aro, I wouldnt be me.

I 100% agree with this and could not have said it better

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Damn right I’m proud to be aro. Defying social norms is metal as fuck

[nonmerci]

I don't relate to the concept of pride in this context because I take pride in the things I achieve, not in the things I simply am.

But I like being aro for sure and I wouldn't change it even if I could.

[Deltalorian]

Well, this is quite the loaded discussion. Do I take pride in things that I just am ie being aromantic, asexual, autistic etc? No. Do I try to celebrate those parts of myself? Absolutely, though I'm not good at it yet. Basically, I don't take pride in things that I just am because there's no achievement to be proud of, but that doesn't mean it's not something you can celebrate.

[roboticanary]

not so much about being aromantic itself but i am proud of how i think about love.

like someone who is proud of making a making a fine piece of art or building a beautiful piece of furnature I am proud of the work i have done moving from how i thought about love as a stupid teenager to now. That took a lot of work, I've learned a lot and I think I am better for it.

[CanadianBird]

I'm proud of myself for reaching the conclusion but if I got to choose my orientation my first choice would probably not be aromantic :,)

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, cerimonials said:

I'm proud of myself for reaching the conclusion but if I got to choose my orientation my first choice would probably not be aromantic :,)

I’m very much happy to be aro and I’d definitely choose to stay this way. But I am curious, I’d probably choose panromantic asexual if I could “choose” my orientation from the very beginning. I mean I’m just curious what it’s like to like everyone rather than like people in any way but that.

[Collie]

I get a sense of happiness from it, so I guess so :)

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Whenever I say that "I'm proud to be aromantic," I mean it in the terms of having finally accepted who I am and how I feel towards not only just others, but to the people closest to me, and how I feel about love and relationships in general. I'm proud to have been made known to myself. I do see it as a form of achievement that I dabbled into the aromantic community because that led to my discovery and I've met amazing people in the community. And I'm proud of having learned about amatonormativity and took the time to dismantle my own assumed beliefs regarding romance and romantic relationships. I'm also just proud to be free, because that's what being aromantic means to me.

I was the same way about this with discovering my sexuality and gender, but because I've got to "sit" with those identities longer, they feel like a more grander part of me and so innate, that saying I'm proud -yes technically true in lot's of different aspects- doesn't feel like it makes the most sense anymore, and I feel like that would be the same for being aro later on; but... a part of me feels more inclined to say, "I'm proud" than stating how I'm not, because with everything I've discovered it would feel disingenuous to me to say "I'm not proud"; despite understanding the sentiment of why some people say they're not proud. They don't say it because they're ashamed, but because since being aro/aro-spec is a part of them, it's not really an achievement and yeah that's correct. But there's achievements to be had in who we are as people, in what we do later in life that being queer may have an impact on, and how we want to be happy in a world that views romantic relationships as the "ultimate form of happiness."

Similarly to some of the things that Sili and roboticanary stated, basically.

I am proud to express myself in a way that makes me feel comfortable and happy, because I achieved that level of comfortability with myself through working through my internalized queerphobia; through working against the doubts and the many days of feeling like I was "fake." I'm proud of my stance against the norms, and I'm proud to be queer in the sense of defiance; because society needs a lot more defiance this day in age fr.

Edited June 13, 2023 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[HelloThere]

20 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

Whenever I say that "I'm proud to be aromantic," I mean it in the terms of having finally accepted who I am and how I feel towards not only just others, but to the people closest to me, and how I feel about love and relationships in general. I'm proud to have been made known to myself. I do see it as a form of achievement that I dabbled into the aromantic community because that led to my discovery and I've met amazing people in the community. And I'm proud of having learned about amatonormativity and took the time to dismantle my own assumed beliefs regarding romance and romantic relationships. I'm also just proud to be free, because that's what being aromantic means to me.

I was the same way about this with discovering my sexuality and gender, but because I've got to "sit" with those identities longer, they feel like a more grander part of me and so innate, that saying I'm proud -yes technically true in lot's of different aspects- doesn't feel like it makes the most sense anymore, and I feel like that would be the same for being aro later on; but... a part of me feels more inclined to say, "I'm proud" than stating how I'm not, because with everything I've discovered it would feel disingenuous to me to say "I'm not proud"; despite understanding the sentiment of why some people say they're not proud. They don't say it because they're ashamed, but because since being aro/aro-spec is a part of them, it's not really an achievement and yeah that's correct. But there's achievements to be had in who we are as people, in what we do later in life that being queer may have an impact on, and how we want to be happy in a world that views romantic relationships as the "ultimate form of happiness."

Similarly to some of the things that Sili and roboticanary stated, basically.

I am proud to express myself in a way that makes me feel comfortable and happy, because I achieved that level of comfortability with myself through working through my internalized queerphobia; through working against the doubts and the many days of feeling like I was "fake." I'm proud of my stance against the norms, and I'm proud to be queer in the sense of defiance; because society needs a lot more defiance this day and age fr.

Yes I agree with the statement on being proud of no longer being ignorant or being defiant of society. I mean it’s, as you said, a part of you so it’s not really an achievement, figuring it out however is. I mean yeah I’m proud as well, but it wasn’t in the “oh yay, I’m queer” it was the “oh my gosh, I don’t have to date!” What I was happy and euphoric about was figuring out this aspect of me, from knowing who I am, where I stand, and what it meant. It meant that I really could focus on my hopes and dreams without being impeded by some romantic bond that holds me down. It means that I can share all of my love to people without having to worry about that becoming some sort of relationship where I constantly have to be there with someone. I want to experience life, understand myself, grow and hone skills, create a better future for myself and my friends and family. I want to be able to express myself, freely enjoy life without worry over someone I’ll never meet. I can really be happier simply with myself, a few friends, and a pet. Nothing more. When I first found out and realized what that meant I could visualize myself being in some large open field, exploding happiness, just enjoying my life with a few best friends alongside me. That sounded far better than anything I could possibly think of. Wow, this was a sorta overzealous rant but this was and still is legitimately how I feel.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

6 hours ago, HelloThere said:

When I first found out and realized what that meant I could visualize myself being in some large open field, exploding happiness, just enjoying my life with a few best friends alongside me.

I agree with everything else you said, but this part hit home for me in a lot of ways. It's kind of what I imagined as well when I finally accepted myself.

[HelloThere]

33 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I agree with everything else you said, but this part hit home for me in a lot of ways. It's kind of what I imagined as well when I finally accepted myself.

It took me no time at all, to be honest I was eager to see this part of myself show, it explained a lot and made me feel more whole. When I found out I went to bed that night with an endless loop of thoughts and emotions all being so incredibly happy about this possibility. “I don’t have to date! I can spend my life doing what I want and enjoy, with friends by my side, family supporting me, and a fulfilling career I’d be happy!” I know for a fact that a job that I enjoy, combined with people in my life is exactly what’d make me happy. I saw that opportunity as something that made life all the more exciting, I can laugh, enjoy things, talk with people all without a romantic care in the world!