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weslee
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So, hello everyone!

 

I'm a 19-year-old Finn (who likes to ramble, I warn you), and I'm so glad to have found this forum! For the first time in my life there are people I can relate to in terms of how I feel about romance and romantic relationships, and it feels so good and refreshing.

I've never had any crushes and have never wished to be in a relationship, which hasn't really bothered me because there hasn't been any outside pressure for me to be in a relationship. Sure, I have wondered why almost everyone else seems to so desperately want boyfriends/girlfriends, but my lack of romantic feelings has never been an issue until very recently when I sort of started dating a guy (I say sort of because we only saw a couple of times before splitting up and it was just watching movies at his place, plus we never even got around to kissing). It didn't take too long before I started freaking out by how into me he was, and the way he touched me and rubbed my back just, ugh, please no. Still, at the same time I felt bad because I was 'letting him down' by having to break up with him, but I had to do it because being in a relationship made me way too anxious, plus I realised that it wouldn't have been fair to him to stay in it since he clearly wanted more than I could give. And when I finally did break up with him a week ago I felt so damn good that it almost made me feel bad for the guy, hah.

After this incident I started googling if there were other people like me who have never had crushes, and so I came across the term aromantic. Of course I had to do some intense googling about aromanticism to know everything about it since it sounded so right for me, and the more I learned about it, the more I identified with it. I was over the moon when I found this forum and literally spent an entire day just reading through the topics. Learning about all your experiences with aromanticism proved to me that I wasn't only imagining this to be special somehow, I wasn't 'weird' and alone with my 'problem', and that I didn't have to keep on waiting for that special someone to evoke my romantic feelings - and boy did it feel good!

 

So, now I can say that I'm almost 100% sure that I'm aromantic (and 100% sure that I'm on the aromantic spectrum) and have no trouble accepting it, it actually feels very liberating to identify as an aro. My sexuality on the other hand baffles me a lot, which is rather annoying. I feel like I would like to have a sexual relationship with someone, but I can't seem to be able to define that someone I'd like to have it with. I can easily imagine being sexual with women and men in my mind, but in real life I don't think I have ever even felt sexual attraction towards someone. Also, before I started going out with that one guy I could at least imagine having sex with him, but then after seeing him more often and understanding that it could actually happen it got a lot harder and eventually came to the point where even the tiniest thought of being with him creeped me out. So yeah, I honestly don't know what's going on.

 

It probably doesn't help in figuring out my sexuality that I'm not too interested in people in general if you can even say that, haha. 9_9 I mean I do have great friends whom I love dearly and enjoy spending time with, but just not too often since that'd be too stressful. I guess it's no surprise then that I like animals way better than humans and would usually much rather spend my time with them (which I actually get to do quite a lot since we (me, my sister and my mom) have two basenjis and a horse to take care of). That's also why I decided I'm going to study to be a vet instead of a doctor because I just don't have enough motivation to help random people. :P

 

I'm going to stop now before I end up writing a novel. Just excited to be here and to meet you all! :D

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Welcome! :icecream: Society pushes the idea that you have to find The OneTM to be happy, and dying without finding The OneTM is the worst thing ever. It can be hard for aros to break loose from that and realize they don't need it to be happy and get all they want in life. 

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Welcome to Arocalypse!  :icecream: :icecream: :icecream: :icecream: AHh I was so happy upon reading how you discovered aromanticism. It really is liberating, isn't it? And regarding your sexuality... meh, sexual attraction is a weird thing. When I came out to my friend she asked me what I identified with in regards to sexual orientation but I'm not fond of people in the first place. My dream is to get my own place and live with a dog or two and work until I die. But anyway, welcome! Enjoy your stay!

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Welcome to Arocalypse! :icecream::aropride:

 

I always thought the people always complaining about not having a boyfriend or whatever were exaggerating, or just doing it because that was what you did to 'be cool', or popular. I never realised that those feelings were legitimate.

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Welcome!

I also felt liberated when I found out about aromanticism. I just wished I'd known about it sooner, though :( (since my past experiences and 'experiments' with dating and relationships weren't very pleasant) 

Anyways, glad you found this place. Hope you enjoy being here! :icecream::icecream:

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On 30.6.2016 at 4:03 AM, DannyFenton123 said:

Welcome to Arocalypse! I can definitely relate to endlessly waiting for 'The One' to show up before coming across aromanticism. I hope you have a great time here :icecream:

 

17 hours ago, Quinoa said:

Welcome! :icecream: Society pushes the idea that you have to find The OneTM to be happy, and dying without finding The OneTM is the worst thing ever. It can be hard for aros to break loose from that and realize they don't need it to be happy and get all they want in life. 

 

Yeah, luckily I haven't bee 'actively' waiting for The OneTM, I just thought that I would eventually fall for someone because that's just how the world works. Haha, I'm glad to hear that that's not actually the case since even imagining being in love feels so foreign to me.

 

8 hours ago, nock said:

Welcome to Arocalypse!  :icecream: :icecream: :icecream: :icecream: AHh I was so happy upon reading how you discovered aromanticism. It really is liberating, isn't it? And regarding your sexuality... meh, sexual attraction is a weird thing. When I came out to my friend she asked me what I identified with in regards to sexual orientation but I'm not fond of people in the first place. My dream is to get my own place and live with a dog or two and work until I die. But anyway, welcome! Enjoy your stay!

 

It is, since suddenly I can understand myself so much better! Not knowing my sexuality isn't that big a problem, it's just that I get somewhat frustrated when there's something I can't understand. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually. :P And yeah, living with your dogs in your own place, that's the dream!

 

7 hours ago, Dodgypotato said:

Welcome to Arocalypse! :icecream::aropride:

 

I always thought the people always complaining about not having a boyfriend or whatever were exaggerating, or just doing it because that was what you did to 'be cool', or popular. I never realised that those feelings were legitimate.

 

I know, right? I thought they were exaggerating, too, since how can somebody long for a boyfriend/girlfriend so badly that they start thinking that there must be something wrong with them for not finding one? Kinda makes me feel sorry for them.

 

6 hours ago, AlexisS said:

Welcome!

I also felt liberated when I found out about aromanticism. I just wished I'd known about it sooner, though :( (since my past experiences and 'experiments' with dating and relationships weren't very pleasant) 

Anyways, glad you found this place. Hope you enjoy being here! :icecream::icecream:

 

I'm sorry to hear that your experiences with dating haven't been very pleasant. -_- But hey, at least now we both know about aromanticism and don't have to continue having those bad experiences!

 

54 minutes ago, NagromMorgzy said:

Welcome to Arocalypse! Great to see new faces. Please do drop into chat once in a while, all are welcome there.

 

I'll make sure to do that!

 

Thank you all for making me feel so welcome, and also thank you very much for all the ice cream! :arolove::icecream:

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Welcome! :D

 

I also tend to like animals waaaay more than most people.

 

I'm also able to imagine in my head all kinds of strange sexual things that I may or may not be able to actually do IRL, but when it really comes down to it, I don't feel a need to do anything sexual with anyone at all for real. If I really love a person and trust them completely, I might be open to trying stuff... maybe... but other than that, I'll just avoid it. I think that mostly counts as being asexual. I'm still figuring things out myself.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you all the rest of you, too! :hugs::icecream:

 

On 20.7.2016 at 6:59 PM, SoulWolf said:

I'm also able to imagine in my head all kinds of strange sexual things that I may or may not be able to actually do IRL, but when it really comes down to it, I don't feel a need to do anything sexual with anyone at all for real. If I really love a person and trust them completely, I might be open to trying stuff... maybe... but other than that, I'll just avoid it. I think that mostly counts as being asexual. I'm still figuring things out myself.

I don't feel any need to, either, and lately I've been starting to think that maybe I don't even want to after all. Still, I'm sort of curious to know what it would be like, it's just that I can't picture a situation where I would be comfortable being that intimate with another person. Luckily there's no hurry for us to figure these things out :D

 

On 22.7.2016 at 2:10 PM, hippiecat said:

Welcome to Arocalypse, fellow Finn :icecream::D

 

Honestly I feel like you just wrote my life story right there. Holy shit. I can very much relate.

Really? That's so cool! I wonder if us both being Finns has something to do with it xD

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