Themathlover Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 (edited) I remember randomly watching a French video about it someday when I was 13. It was an interview of three aro persons. If you understand French, I'm putting the link to it down here : Before I came across this video, I was watching another one concerning people who had never fallen in love but didn't say to be aro, as it's a really marginalized concept. The title, Nous sommes aromantiques, means "We are aromantic" in French, and so, it intriguated me. I clicked on it and watched untill the end. It related to me in a way I couldn't explain, and I could feel like it made a bit of sense, but tried to forget it, probably confused... However, it was still at the back of my mind for maybe a few weeks, and I sometimes happened to think of it. A few days ago, I was thinking of how different I was from other teenagers (I'm 15). I just have one friend, she settled down on July 2022 in a French overseas departement, The Reunion, which is located far from my location in metropolitan France. I'm still in touch with her but it's currently a long-distance relationship. Also, I've never had any "crush", any real romantic love towards anyone, and it neither appeals to me nor feels sensical to me nor do I feel a lack of it. I was lounging on my couch and suddenly remembered this video. So, I grabbed my phone and watched it back. It still made sense to me, still related to me, but it was too vague. I began doing in depth researches about aromanticism. Videos, articles and testimonials. I discovered it was a spectrum including many orientations, such as demiromanticism, cupioromanticism, lithromanticism, frayromanticism... and quoiromanticism. What I identify with now is this last one, quoiromanticism. I found out that, yes, romance was nonsensical to me. I'm not able to understand it as a concept or a feeling, nor to distinguish it from friendship/platonicism. To alloromantics, it is a unique thing, to me, an alloaro, it is just friendship if it's disconnected from sex. It's also the reason why I've always struggled with differentiating friends with benefits from romantic and sexual relationships, and also the reason why I've never been capable to understand why certain people felt so "heartbroken" if a person they used to have sex with didn't want to go any further (dating). My conception of sex has just never been linked with any other type of attraction. I'm not telling it's bad to feel heartbroken if someone you hook up with doesn't want to date you, it's just how you are, but, to me, it's a non-sense. Sex and romance are two separate things, and romance is something hard to catch for me, so much that I feel like it's not even applicable to me, it's nothing, like something from another universe XD. Everything began to be clearer in my mind. Everything I had struggled with for years began to make sense, or, at least, I could put words on this confusion I had. I'm quoiromantic and heterosexual. In addition to this, I had a phase back when I was 10-11 where I wanted everyone to know I didn't want to have a boyfriend. 4 years after, some aspects of this phase were for sure just a phase, but some others... They were clues I was aro-spec. Edited February 7 by Themathlover 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OkTomato Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 4 hours ago, Themathlover said: I remember randomly watching a French video about it someday when I was 13. It was an interview of three aro persons. If you understand French, I'm putting the link to it down here : Before I came across this video, I was watching another one concerning people who had never fallen in love but didn't say to be aro, as it's a really marginalized concept. The title, Nous sommes aromantiques, means "We are aromantic" in French, and so, it intriguated me. I clicked on it and watched untill the end. It related to me in a way I couldn't explain, and I could feel like it made a bit of sense, but tried to forget it, probably confused... However, it was still at the back of my mind for maybe a few weeks, and I sometimes happened to think of it. A few days ago, I was thinking of how different I was from other teenagers (I'm 15). I just have one friend, she settled down on July 2022 in a French overseas departement, The Reunion, which is located far from my location in metropolitan France. I'm still in touch with her but it's currently a long-distance relationship. Also, I've never had any "crush", any real romantic love towards anyone, and it neither appeals to me nor feels sensical to me nor do I feel a lack of it. I was lounging on my couch and suddenly remembered this video. So, I grabbed my phone and watched it back. It still made sense to me, still related to me, but it was too vague. I began doing in depth researches about aromanticism. Videos, articles and testimonials. I discovered it was a spectrum including many orientations, such as demiromanticism, cupioromanticism, lithromanticism, frayromanticism... and quoiromanticism. What I identify with now is this last one, quoiromanticism. I found out that, yes, romance was nonsensical to me. I'm not able to understand it as a concept or a feeling, nor to distinguish it from friendship/platonicism. To alloromantics, it is a unique thing, to me, an alloaro, it is just friendship if it's disconnected from sex. It's also the reason why I've always struggled with differentiating friends with benefits from romantic and sexual relationships, and also the reason why I've never been capable to understand why certain people felt so "heartbroken" if a person they used to have sex with didn't want to go any further (dating). My conception of sex has just never been linked with any other type of attraction. I'm not telling it's bad to feel heartbroken if someone you hook up with doesn't want to date you, it's just how you are, but, to me, it's a non-sense. Sex and romance are two separate things, and romance is something hard to catch for me, so much that I feel like it's not even applicable to me, it's nothing, like something from another universe XD. Everything began to be clearer in my mind. Everything I had struggled with for years began to make sense, or, at least, I could put words on this confusion I had. I'm quoiromantic and heterosexual. In addition to this, I had a phase back when I was 10-11 where I wanted everyone to know I didn't want to have a boyfriend. 4 years after, some aspects of this phase were for sure just a phase, but some others... They were clues I was aro-spec. Wow it's impressive how well put together your thoughts on this are. You sound very mature. Good luck on your journey. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MulticulturalFarmer Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Well for a lot of people, seuxal attraction = romantic attraction = aesthetic attraction so I thought, eh I feel sexual attraction from time to time as well as aesthetic attraction, therefore, I can't be aromantic. But I believe that the metric I applied to my concept of aromanticism was kind of wrong. I also felt the need to pursue relationships so I could feel safe when engaging in sex, which I guess makes sense, as an intersex person. However, I have since realized that i'm not only suited for relationships that follow a dating framework, but that i much prefer QPRs or very close friends with benefits, and that I can check for emotional compatibility in order to have sex without necessarily having to date anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deltalorian Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 On 8/17/2022 at 7:27 PM, Deltalorian said: The thought "wait... if asexuals can be sex-favourable, can aromantics be romance favourable?" I'm not romance favourable lol. I thought I was, I'm actually romance indifferent, but still. "I'm not romance favourable lol" Gets boyfriend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrisisApple Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 I was aware of aromanticism without really having an in depth understanding of what it was like until I read a fanfic about an aromantic character and the experience sounded a little too familiar lmao. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yippeeeeeee Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 Mainly me questioning everything, and also for school we had to answer a question; What is love. ANd i genuinely didn't know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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