i don’t want to be aromatic.

[Guest aj :)) he/him]

hi! i’ve been having a hard time accepting myself as aromantic. i’ve known i was asexual for a while, but just recently come to terms with the fact that i’m aromantic too. it’s hard to accept and i really wish i wasn’t, it feels so alienating when other people talk about attraction/romance. any tips on how to accept myself? 

also - i’m trans, so it was hard to accept that, but i’d say being aromantic is becoming the hardest thing to accept. thank you! :)

[JustMe]

hi,

I know it's difficult to accept yourself as aromantic. But even if you are aro that doesn't have to mean you will be alone your whole life. Maybe try looking out for a qpr. Personally, strolling around on the forum and reading old threads helped a lot because I recognized that there are other people out there like me. Give yourself time and be proud who you are

(*concerning other people talking about romance I also have no clue how to handle it)

[nonmerci]

Maybe, try to figure why it is so hard to accept, and then work on that?

For instance, it was hard to accept for me because it was hard to accept that things I planned (getting married for instance) will never happen. When I accepted that I won't get married (which was make it easier when I realize that I never really wanted it anyway, it was the amatonormativity in my mind), I accept my aromanticism, and I even like it now.

[FragileDear]

Hi there,

It can be quite difficult to accept your aromantic. I know I certainly struggled to accept it.  For me part of it was because I bought into the belief you needed to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and feel fulfilled in life (an example of amatonormativity - "the belief that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship"). I have come to realize that is not true. It's more about the connection, the quality and depth of the relationships in your life, not the type of relationships in your life. I also struggled with wrapping my head around the idea you can be aromantic and still want a romantic relationship. 

I think its  great that you have found the community here. One thing that I found really helped me was connecting with/reading other aromantic people's experiences.  The more I read that I relate to, the more I realize that I'm not alone in my experiences. That really helped me start to accept myself as aromantic. It is a process. Be kind and patient with yourself. 

 

[VecSpec]

At least for me, it became a little more comfortable to identify as aro when I stopped to take stock of what I felt I wanted out of a romantic relationship. In my case, a lot of those things I sought out and desired I already had with my good friends and family. That helped me shift my thinking just a bit.

I'm sure it'll vary from person to person, but you owe it to yourself to answer those questions. You might find what you need to make it click, you might even find that there's something you're pursuing that is better found in a romantic relationship or partner, and either of those paths are OK! More than anything else, chasing after truths and answers will do you more good than anything. Just remember to find enjoyment in the process!

Hope this helps! <3

[Elin W]

I’m glad I found this thread right now. I’m having that kind of days this week where I easily feel fragile and I’m thinking a lot about the struggles and challenges of being aromantic. 
 

im 38 years old and I found out about aromanticism in December. It was when I also read about asexuality, I’m ace too. It was such a life changing experience but very liberating and empowering because I’ve been having a hard time before that making sense of why I was different and - what was wrong with me. Such a relief to know that I’m not being weird, I’m not broken and there’s even a pride flag, a wonderful community and a whole new perspective in life! 
 

so I am happy being aromantic. It’s just that - there ARE challenges. I don’t want to pressure myself anymore into feeling things I can’t feel. I don’t miss things about romance that I never have liked in my life anyway. But what I AM wondering about how I’m able to find a solution for is the need for companionship, intimacy and so on….. things that can be found in friendship, but it’s hard with friendship sometimes. 

 

Im also struggling a bit right now with this whole  coming out process - before I knew I was aroace I never thought of myself as queer or lgtbq+ and now I’ve found about this! I’ve got a hard time figuring out where I fit in. And although my friends are accepting and understanding and so on, they don’t seem to understand how exhausting this whole process is for me and how vulnerable it makes me. 

 

Well, I’m sorry if I’m over sharing. It was just nice to find a thread about struggling with being aromantic. 

I am very proud of this identity and it gives me strength, but as I said - right now I’m feeling very vulnerable and I’m wondering a lot about my future right now. 

 

Thanks for reading ?

[alto]

For me, pretty much all of my romantic relationships (i've been in four) were such a shitshow that it was easy for me to understand that they don't guarantee happiness.  In fact, they often detract from it.  That said, I still do want a QPR (don't approach me though, I already have two zucchini-crushes)

[Nessa]

Being aromantic is hard for me because I live in a country where nobody knows about aromanticism.

People don't accept that I don't feel romantic attraction, that I am not interested in having a relationship.

The hardest part for me is the people I care about not accepting this part of me, they don't accept me the way I am. Being aromantic is who I am and I can't change it and I am not ashamed of it.

Like @Elin W I just found out a few month ago about aromanticism. I am 39 yo. I have to say that it has been a relief to finally put a word on it. I am ace too even if sometimes I think that I am graysexual I am not always sure about my sexual orientation but I am sure to be somewhere in the ace spectrum.

In a society where sex and relationship are said the what make you human, alive, happy or whatever people say, being aromantic is really hard. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong here, that nobody will never accept this part of me, that I won't have real friends because the ones I use to have didn't want to accept this part of me.

I have the chance to be a lonely person and it really make things easier for me as I don't really need to be around people a lot. However it is painful to know that too many people don't accept aromanticism. It is not a choice, it is who we are, we were born this way and there is nothing we can't do about it.

It will take time for you to accept this part of you and to learn to live with it. You will find your own way to live your aromanticism and as @JustMe suggested you could find a qpr if you feel that this is what you need and want. Only you can know what is good for you. 

Be sure that we all understand what you are going through and don't hesitate to come here if you need to talk.

[frigidita]

hi!

I am also struggling with this at the moment too. I've known I am ace for about a year now and I have a QPR to whom I am deeply connected, but I am still coming to grips with being aro.

Sometimes I feel as though I am operating with an abated range of human emotions - that those who experience romantic attraction have more passionate lives and deeper emotions. I know it is reductive to think I have less emotions than those who experience romantic attraction, but I can't shake that feeling that I am missing out on another level of the human experience. Makes me feel as though life is happening somewhere else, and I am left out.

[Angrboda]

You could still find a meaningful, loving relationship, even if you don't feel everything that the world tells you to feel. I guess it just depends of what you want from life. There are probably aro dating apps where you could find people who feel love in a similar way.