Is sexual repulsion related to romance repulsion?

[Anon95]

I and another member were talking about the fact that we not only experience romance repulsion when someone is interested in us but also feel sexually repulsed. 

Personally, when someone expresses their romantic feelings for me, I feel disgusted with myself and the person in question. And it is not only disgust towards the romantic part, but also the thought of sex grosses me out. The whole act itself becomes a big nope for me for a while. I’m 24 and I've never had sex, so I have no experience, but I'm normally neutral or positive toward it. 

Could sexual repulsion be related to romance repulsion? 

[TripleA]

I am not sex repulsed at all and am very romance repulsed. I am very sex positive regardless. Being romance repulsed does alter how I see sex - I would have sex with friends or just casually, or have fwb relationships, and I don't hold sex to some sacred entity that only can be experienced with a partner, and that's very heavily related with aromanticism and my romance repulsion. 

 If you're Aro and Ace, then both sex and romance repulsion could be related, but not really for alloaros (unless they have experienced sexual trauma perhaps).

[nonmerci]

Maybe, you then associate sex with romance, and that's why you feel sexually repulsed? Or maybe, it is just the idea of sex in a romantic relationship that disgusts you?

Personnaly, I am more sex repulsed than romance repulsed, and I never see a connection between the two; but nobody ever expresses sexual interest toward me though.

[Anon95]

14 minutes ago, TripleA said:

 If you're Aro and Ace, then both sex and romance repulsion could be related, but not really for alloaros (unless they have experienced sexual trauma perhaps).

I don’t consider myself ace because most of the time I’m fine with sex. At least, the thought of it. But maybe that's because at that moment I’m not in a situation where someone could want to have sex with me?

Sometimes I have moments when I think I would be fine with a relationship, but when I find myself in a situation where someone is interested in me I’m like "what was I thinking ugh nope." I mean, maybe that could also be the case with sex? Fantasizing about it is something else than the reality. 

Sorry, I don’t know if I was able to explain it properly.

Do you feel the same regarding sex even in a situation where someone expresses their romantic feelings for you?

 

[sunny]

as someone who has a weird mix of both- they can absolutely be connected. in personal experiences i've never felt entirely... good about sex. while i experience sexual attraction, and the feelings that follow, i have such a hard time with the follow through of enjoying an actual encounter. i don't think i ever have, despite the fact that in certain times, i want it. the notion of being in a romantic relationship and engaging with that person sexually completely repulses me.

when i think of a romantic relationship, having to wrestle with the implications following a romantic relationship (the "norms" like dates, kissing, sex, etc) repulses me in a sexual way as well. it might also repulse you because you never saw that person in that way before, and now you have to confront their own attraction? just tossing out possibilities.

[Anon95]

19 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

Maybe, you then associate sex with romance, and that's why you feel sexually repulsed? Or maybe, it is just the idea of sex in a romantic relationship that disgusts you?

Personnaly, I am more sex repulsed than romance repulsed, and I never see a connection between the two; but nobody ever expresses sexual interest toward me though.

I find it difficult to answer if I associate the two with each other. I think I separate them? But maybe also not? Sorry haha. 

The thing is, nobody has ever expressed sexual interest in me either. At least, not that I have noticed. It only romantic interest. But for me, that was enough to feel utterly disgusted with sex too. In that moment, everything about that person grosses me out. I also feel disgust toward myself.  

[hemogoblin]

13 hours ago, Anon95 said:

Could sexual repulsion be related to romance repulsion? 

Could sexual repulsion be related to romance repulsion? Of course, why not? These are your experiences. Do you feel they're related? Does it help for you to consider them as such?

Is sexual repulsion automatically, always linked to romance repulsion? Nah, we're far too diverse and different for that. I used to very sex repulsed but not at all romance repulsed. And I'm more the opposite these days.

Edited April 15, 2020 by horriblegoose
wrong they're

[Skittles87]

For me, I find it difficult to untangle the two. With kissing, for example (and I mean snogging, with tongues, not a peck on the cheek) I can't tell if it's gross because it feels sexual, or because it's so strongly romantically coded.

 

[Zema]

I am sex repulsed but I am not romance repulsed. So they are not inherently linked. My views on sex are basically, consenting adults can do what they want but I don't want them to do it near me. I am mostly apathetic about romance.

[Apathetic Echidna]

I understand the feeling of them being separate and linked at the same time! For me when sex comes up as a interest/possibility is sort of feels like my romance repulsion becomes hyper-aware. I'm fairly sure this is because I know most people have their own assumptions about what sort of relationship sex forms between the participants and so my aromantic self is suddenly possibly walking through a minefield. Not wanting to step on a massive romantic repulsion landmine I become very cautious. I'm not sure whether a trigger of romantic repulsion would completely kill the sexual attraction and make me repulsed that way though...

[DeltaAro]

13 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Not wanting to step on a massive romantic repulsion landmine I become very cautious. I'm not sure whether a trigger of romantic repulsion would completely kill the sexual attraction and make me repulsed that way though...

It's funny how this all makes perfect sense to me, like one of the most commonplace problems you could have. While in reality we're part of the tiniest minority...

Now I don't go 4 years without feeling sexual attraction, as you said somewhere else... perhaps 4 days. ? Still the list of my special "demands" and mood killers is sooo long, it does rarely translate into action; sometimes it feels too me like I border on graysexual, too... maybe "light gray" ?‍♂️

[Apathetic Echidna]

going on 6 years now! I'm feeling more asexual by the year...?

6 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Still the list of my special "demands" and mood killers is sooo long, it does rarely translate into action;

mood killers is the perfect word for what I was trying to work out. Romance issues are more like mood killers than triggers for sexual repulsion*. So is that just a milder version of a repulsion reaction or a even a return to neutrality. 

*the only repulsion I think I really know is romantic repulsion and that can be quite severe, so I have issues with comparing things. 

 

[aro_elise]

i'm not sure whether you mean you're aroace or like, if there were someone you were/could be sexually attracted to but they show romantic attraction toward you, you become repulsed by the idea of not just romance but also sex with them.  i'm going to comment on the latter.  i think i'm kind of like that.  when i was dating my ex, we didn't do much sexual stuff and even now in retrospect it's hard for me to figure out to what degree that was because i was freaked out about the whole romantic situation vs i just wasn't ready regardless.  a bit of both.  4 years later (recently), we hooked up.  before and after, i was vaguely concerned that his romantic attraction to me might sort of return, and after, when he showed what i interpreted as somewhat romantic affection, i was romance-repulsed.  (i don't know whether he intended it to be romantic, sexual, or something else, and it doesn't much matter.  we later agreed to be--for lack of a better word--"just" friends.)  obviously my concerns weren't big enough to deter me from doing it once, but yeah.  so hypothetically, if i were sexually attracted to someone (with whom i don't have a complicated history) and i found out he was romantically attracted to me, would that change?  i don't think so.  i'd be apprehensive but not sex-repulsed.  like this:

On 4/17/2020 at 10:20 PM, Apathetic Echidna said:

mood killers is the perfect word for what I was trying to work out. Romance issues are more like mood killers than triggers for sexual repulsion

so yeah, it seems they can definitely be at least related in some way for many of us.

[Guest Wren]

I'm AceAro so I feel and have always felt both so.

[aro_elise]

it's up to you how you feel about it.  some aroaces see romantic and sexual attraction--or their lack of it--as connected; some see them as separate and they lack both.  i imagine that would influence how they perceive their feelings about sex and romance.  i obviously can't weigh in.

[The Angel of Eternity]

As an aroace, I'm sex-repulsed and romance-averse. If anyone were to express either romantic or sexual feelings toward me (or, God forbid, BOTH), I'd say to them something along the lines of:

"Hey, I'm a sovereign being, and I don't want anything to do with sex or romance. Please don't touch me."

[LoveIsZaxlebax]

It could be.  I thought I was sex-repulsed for a while until I found depictions of deromanticized sex and wasn’t repulsed at all.  A lot of people associate sex with romance and can’t fathom the two as separate, and this is reflected in pop culture.  Most of the time, sex without romance is also presented as self-evidently vile or depressing too, which doesn’t leave much room for nonrepulsive depictions of sex (to someone who is romance-repulsed.)

[Moonjoke]

I consider myself ace and something between aro, grey aro (I'm a mess). 

I'm sex repulsive but I'm in love with the idea of romance.