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Amaya

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I came out to my mum as ace over a year ago and she was super cool and understanding, in fact she wasn't at all surprised. My sister was definitely confused so I dropped the subject.

 

Then when I found out I was aro I thought it was important to mention, but I didn't want to use the label as my family is often very against identity labels. I started to be more vocal about not wanting to date, marry or have kids (the kids part I had been vocal about for a long time) which my mum was seemingly fine with but my sister seemed to think I was putting myself in a box and holding myself back from "possibilities" lmao.

 

Once I started introducing the idea that I'm not attracted to people in any way, my mum continued to be fine with it (and very understanding) and something must've clicked for my sister cause she finally respected my decision(?) and my reason for  not dating.

 

I'm not sure about the grandkids thing because my sister has also mentioned not wanting kids (though raves about her dream wedding) so while my mum seems fine with it, I can't help feeling like she got scunted in the grandkids department and feel kind of bad. Though my sister may change her mind eventually, if I'm lucky.

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So I kind of talked to my mom the other day. I told her that looking back on my previous relationship I never liked to do any of the things that couples do, not even holding hands. I told her, not actually coming out but more as a way to gauge her thoughts on the matter, that I 'thought I might be aromantic". She simply replied that I've never really liked physical contact with others and then changed the topic. While I don't think she would freak out about me being aromantic, I just don't think that she'd believe me 100% until I'm a 55 year old spinster with 12 cats. 

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  • 5 months later...

I am not out to my parents or younger siblings, I don't think they would understand.

But my closest friends know what's going on and are totally fine with it.

I still think about coming out to my older sister, but I don't know what her reaction would be because we've kinda grown distant over the last two years..

 

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Well I tried talking to my mum about it...but romance (and sex) seem to be the most important things in life to her for some reason, and she just keeps telling me that it's time to find a boyfriend and what not. As if she was scared that I'm gonna die alone or something :/
My grandparents also recently told me they are scared that I'm going to "become" a lesbian (which is such a weird statement :facepalm:)

 

But I have to say, my mum was genuinely interested when I explained the ace/aro-spectrum and seemed kind of understanding (though she still suppresses the idea of me not being the straight daughter she wished for :D) 

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I'm out as ace and grey-aro to a small group of people which consists of my ex, sister in law, two best friends and my mum's best friend, who took it fairly well. I'm not sure if mum would understand fully if I explained it to her, and I'm still wavering on whether to tell her or not. She is totally OK with me not wanting to get married/have kids though, but as far as she knows it's related more to me not wanting to risk ending up in a marriage like her and dad's (he's alcoholic - not like violent or anything, but he has put us through some major shit over the years. It's also a miracle he's even still alive. I tell him absolutely nothing about my life as we don't really have a father-daughter relationship anymore, despite still living under the same roof).

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  • 3 weeks later...

I came out as ace and aro as soon as I figured each of those out. My fetish (reading mind control/regression fics) was another matter, and I angsted about it a bunch and considered not telling them before realizing that I wouldn't be able to let go of my shame about it unless I came out. I've told my whole family, but only really discussed it in detail with my Dad, who was initially weirded out but then got into scientific speculation about where fetishes come from. (Scientific speculation is the #1 format for our sex talks in general, so this was a great sign!)

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  • 3 months later...
17 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

I'll never tell them the truth. I am as sure as it comes that they won't ever believe me. It's not worth the trouble.

 Aw, that's rough. Here's an ehug :hugs:.

 

Is that partly to do with the culture in Romania? I don't know what it's like there - is there a lot of emphasis on marriage and having a family?

 

 

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27 minutes ago, NullVector said:

 Aw, that's rough. Here's an ehug :hugs:.

 

Is that partly to do with the culture in Romania? I don't know what it's like there - is there a lot of emphasis on marriage and having a family?

 

 

Thank you! ^_^

 

And no, it's not that. It is because my mother is narrow-minded and places romance on a pedestal. She would always claim that unless you feel you're losing your mind over a person and stuff, then it's NOT true love. Like hell she would believe me. 

 

Besides, I DO wish to find someone to share my life with - just no romance and no children (and no, the latter has nothing to do with my being aromatic since there're quite a few alloromantics who also want to be child-free). But she won't get that, either. Because she feel victim to this world's toxic romance culture a long, long time ago. 

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41 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

and no children (and no, the latter has nothing to do with my being aromatic since there're quite a few alloromantics who also want to be child-free)

 

Yeah, I get that. I read your other thread about it too :) I (probably) don't want kids either; but for reasons having nothing to do with my being (probably) aro.

 

41 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

Because she feel victim to this world's toxic romance culture a long, long time ago. 

 

I think it's not inherently toxic though - it depends on your romantic/sexual 'metabolism'. Like how oxygen is toxic to some microorganisms.

Perhaps aros living in today's world are a bit like the poor anaerobes after the photosynthesisers came along?!

 

 

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6 minutes ago, NullVector said:

 

 

I think it's not inherently toxic though - it depends on your romantic/sexual 'metabolism'. Like how oxygen is toxic to some microorganisms.

Perhaps aros living in today's world are a bit like the poor anaerobes after the photosynthesisers came along?!

 

 

No, this is not what I meant. There are 2 types of "romance": non-toxic one and toxic one (as in the one that comes with addiction and abusive/controlling behaviour, and which seems to be glorified nowadays). Also, she once stated that her favourite love song is "Every breath you take" by The Police. The lyrics send shivers down my spine. 

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I don't know if I'd call romanitic culture toxic. Love and bad relationships can be toxic. I've seen my friend fall prey to a few and fear the day she doesn't get it. I feel like the idea of romance is the problem. Like a Disney love at first and even if x, y,  and z happens love will get us past it all because.... Love conquers all? The foundation a good romantic relationship is an equal ground partners stand on to care and support each other. The toxicness I see is when they get so wrapped up in each other the rest of the world falls away, it seems that there are those that feel once they find 'the one' all their wants will be fulfilled.

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4 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

Also, she once stated that her favourite love song is "Every breath you take" by The Police. The lyrics send shivers down my spine. 

 

That's actually pretty funny, considering what Sting said about that song :D

 

Quote

"I don't think it's a sad song. I think it's a nasty little song, really rather evil. It's about jealousy and surveillance and ownership."

How does that quality survive in its transmission through a massively exposed record and these concerts?

"I think the ambiguity is intrinsic in the song however you treat it because the words are so sadistic. On one level, it's a nice long song with the classic relative minor chords, and underneath there's this distasteful character talking about watching every move. I enjoy that ambiguity. I watched Andy Gibb singing it with some girl on TV a couple of weeks ago, very loving, and totally misinterpreting it. (Laughter) I could still hear the words, which aren't about love at all."

I expect you took some pleasure In that.

"Great pleasure. I pissed myself laughing. 

 

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On 5/12/2017 at 3:40 PM, Ice Queen said:

No, this is not what I meant. There are 2 types of "romance": non-toxic one and toxic one (as in the one that comes with addiction and abusive/controlling behaviour, and which seems to be glorified nowadays). Also, she once stated that her favourite love song is "Every breath you take" by The Police. The lyrics send shivers down my spine. 

I totally get what you mean. Twilight is not a good romantic story! 

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I had already come out once, thinking I must be gay.

My dad (who had been uncomfortable with the idea of me being gay) was relieved and not surprised. Being 21 and having no interest in dating he'd guessed it 'isn't really my thing'. My ma (expects everyone to want kids but doesn't care what your sexuality is) was both sad (she thought I'd be happier being gay) and maybe not surprised? She's more sad that I'm trans and won't have children (I don't ever want them).

They took it fine really :) I'm not out to my wider family but then turning up to all family events as THE ONLY SINGLE PERSON, I think they just think I'm odd by now and it's best not to ask :rofl:

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I came out to my mother and my sister. The first one didn't understand and is trying to make me believe that what I feel is just a phase and that I haven't meet the right person yet (Seriously, I would be richer than Bruce Wayne if I had a dollar for everytime I heard that sentence :facepalm:). My twin sister was very confused, then totally cool about it.

About my father and my brother, they don't know, because they wouldn't care or wouldn't try to understand u.u

 

Still, they know about my bisexuality and are okay with it, so that's definitely a plus :D.

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On 12 May 2017 at 11:40 PM, Ice Queen said:

Also, she once stated that her favourite love song is "Every breath you take" by The Police. The lyrics send shivers down my spine. 

Same here... interestingly, I was also just thinking about this song and how creepy the lyrics are, just the other day... :/

 

On 12 May 2017 at 11:49 PM, NullVector said:

That's actually pretty funny, considering what Sting said about that song :D

Thanks for that, I had always wondered what the original intent behind the song really was. :) It's pretty hilarious (and disturbing) how many people have totally misinterpreted it.

 

The only thing my parents really know about (for now) is that I'm never having kids. I've never brought up anything about being aro or ace, and they haven't asked. They probably wouldn't be surprised about those though, if they understood what it means.

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I mentioned that I never planned on getting married and my dad responded with disbelief, implying that I was being ridiculous.

 

So yeah, no, I'm never telling my family.

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6 hours ago, techno-trashcan said:

I mentioned that I never planned on getting married and my dad responded with disbelief, implying that I was being ridiculous.

Have you ever watched Glee? You could do a Sue and have a wedding with yourself to shut your dad up :D

 

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