Neon

Hi! So romance repulsion is definitely a thing, for aros, and alloromantic people. Personally, I fluctuate between romance (and sex) positive, indifferent, and adverse for other people's relationships. I still am happy for my friends. Sometimes, I even enjoy hearing about their relationships. However, every now and then, I'll be talking about romance and get the urge to just get out of the situation. I don't really get why, it just is how it is. And when romance is turned on me, it's the same. Just one big "NO" and feeling super uncomfortable. As for what's helped me, I would recommend that she set boundaries with her friends. So they know what she is okay with discussing, and what she is not. I did that when I came out to one of my best friends, and so far, our discussions around that matter have been much more comfortable for me. She also has similar reading tastes to me, so can sometimes warn me if a scene will make me uncomfortable. Additionally, I would make sure that she is aware of how her interactions change due to her romance repulsion. It took someone saying (not to my face) that he hated me for me to realize that my "ignoring" boys (so people wouldn't think I had a crush on them) was actually me being incredibly mean to them until they left me alone. I also found this thread, which talks about different ways romance repulsion may occur. I hope any of this helped!

Personally, I think that you should use whatever label feels right to you. If aroflux/greyro/arospec works to describe how you feel, you should use it. No one gets to tell you that your lived experiences aren't valid, as they haven't lived through them. I hope that helps at all. Welcome to Arocalypse!

Ha no. I would never hear the end of it. The trick with my mom is that you can't directly attack her or her reasoning, or she'll just double down on things. I have to ask questions and provide evidence until she contradicts herself. Then she doesn't bring it up anymore (her way of accepting defeat). I just need to subtly pick apart her logic and remember what she conceded so I can remind her.

So I've been kind of poking around the idea of romance in general with my mom (I don't need to with my dad because he'll tell her anything I tell him). And, yeah, no. It did not go well. Basically, I asked her to read this thing about amatonormativity that I wrote for class. I talked about the stereotypes of being single first, and she responded that people without romantic relationships die young. To which I countered that those studies were biased, and I had proof. She said I, and the person with a doctorate (in this area?), were wrong (specifically, "the statistics aren't wrong". Yeah I know. But the correlation drawn isn't true). We argued on that for a least half an hour. Later I brought up aromanticism and some other points, which she ignored. Which is so weird for her. I rarely ask her for help on writing now because there is a 95% chance we will get into a yelling match about word choice. Her not commenting on a point I made is strange, to say the least. And at the end, she suggested that I change my whole argument to a discussion of the etymology of the word(See? Attempted argument over word choice. What'd I say?) and it's accuracy. Specifically, that it was an incorrect, niche concept. So yeah. That was fun. I mean, I may be overblowing it a bit, as she's been frustrating me in other ways recently. But it's still annoying. She's always been so focused on women succeeding on their own, that I assumed it applied to romance as well. I guess not. Or, at least not for me.

It depends. I hate them if they happen without warning, and/or the intention is unclear. Even reading romantic coded scenes can make me uncomfortable if there's too much of it. But if I'm asked, and I know it's platonic, I can really enjoy them (depending on the activity).

I'm looking at you, YA authors (and TV/movie producers, and basically everyone apparently)

Honestly, it was so bad. I watched it with a some friends as a joke and it got to the point where the criticism was all the same. They couldn't even come up with multiple plot holes. Also it was really uncomfortable. That relationship is so screwed up. I normally have a rule that I have to read the book first, but I don't think I could get through it.

I am cis, but have a complicated relationship with gender expression. I tend to feel fairly uncomfortable in traditionally feminine clothing (with the exceptions of heels and sometimes skirts). I've tried it many times, and it is not my thing. I tend to just put on the first shirt and pair of pants I grab, but some days I do make an effort to look more/less like a girl. I've never understood people putting stock into their appearance, much less when it is to impress someone. My lack of concern may partially come from the fact that I just don't care for people seeing me that way.

So, for your main question, I do think you could be aro. That label is up to you if it fits and you want to use it though. As for your current relationship, if you are uncomfortable in it, I'd break it off. Even if there were romantic feelings (which you said there probably weren't), you shouldn't be in a relationship solely because of that, especially if you aren't comfortable with it. If you want to wait longer, and experiment and see, make sure you are doing so critically, and not forcing yourself to do something you aren't okay with - even if that's just a QPR. As for saying "I love you", I find it hard to do that with my friends platonically, even when they do it first. The one time I have been okay with it is when "platonically" was specified. That is exactly how I understand romantic love. In an abstract sense with a lot of similes helping me along. It's like, I get it, but also I very much do not. And every time I've thought I understood what romantic love was, I turned out to be wrong.

I personally started with Small Gods, which is good because it introduced a lot of the concepts present in Discworld.

Personally, I think it is up to the individual to define themself and the label (or lack of) that they feel comfortable with. Not just puberty, this has been a thing for me since 3rd grade at the latest...

IDK about your mom, but mine tends to be a little controlling. When I wanted to grow my hair out, I showed her some styles I liked and "asked for her input". This made it seem like it was something I was doing whether she liked it or not, and stopped her from arguing too much because she thought that she had a voice in the process.

Meatball

I agree. Personally, the two feel fairly distinct to me, but they intersect in some ways. And other people will see aroace differently for themselves, because of different experiences, opinions, etc. regarding romance and sex. It seems to me like the problem stems from 2 misconceptions. First, that aro means aroace, and second, that aroace is an ace microlabel. Now, for some people, either or both may be true. But that isn't universal, and it is wrong to treat it as such.

A few months ago. I'm a teen as well.

Hi! I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I know now that I've never had a crush, but in the past my brain decided that if I thought a boy was a decent human being then it was a crush. I avoid most romantic things if I can, but personally see romcoms as criticisms of romantic love so I enjoy a select few of those. The closest thing to butterflies I've felt was deep existential dread when being asked out. Maybe that counts? I never had a celebrity crush, but also am fairly clueless about pop culture so I can't speak on those. Flirting is very much not my thing. I also am scared someone will misinterpret me being a semi-decent human for flirting. As for the last point, I also assumed that I would end up with somebody. However, I know now that that is from amatonormativity, the assumption that everyone is striving for a monogamous, sexual, romantic relationship. In all my fantasies about the future, I never had a romantic relationship. That didn't stop me from thinking that I would. I can't tell you that you're aro, that is something you have to figure out for yourself. But I can tell you that if that label is helpful and works for you now, use it. If something changes, you can change or disregard the label. Also if you feel most comfortable without one, you don't have to use a label at all. I hope this helps, and welcome to Arocalypse!

I can deal with it when it adds substance to characters without taking over the plot like in But with that exception, I am increasingly frustrated with romantic plotlines. I could not care less about the color of the love interests eyes, especially when the main character is in the middle of fighting an evil tyrant for example.

I mean, I definitely didn't with the exception of deciding that if someone wanted me to change my last name, I just wouldn't marry them... I don't even consider other people's weddings, including my parents. The one time I thought about that was when we found their album.

Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender is aroace. I maintain that her "crush" on Sokka was just because he was the first boy she had ever been close to so didn't realize it was just platonic.

Personally, I like the friends of a few years --> romantic partners process the best. That just seems the most logical, because it is the least likely to have any surprises and ensuing crisis's, plus you have an established relationship to preserve in case the romantic one doesn't work out.

For me, it depends on what I am doing, and the people I am around. For people I am closer to, I tend to laugh such comments off, and/or turn them around on the speaker. I kind of leaned into my "strangeness" around my friends, so I know those comments are made affectionally and in jest. For people I don't know as well, those comments piss me off. I will proceed to do everything in my power to continue to do the behavior, especially if it is annoying. But privately, I will worry about it, and it will bother me for a while (as in my brain will bring it up years later).

Prop

Just a place to rant about specific fictional romances. If it contains spoilers, just use the tag. For example, in "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Phillip K. Dick, About 3 chapters could have been taken out (the book is less than 200 pages), and no one would have noticed because it is so unimportant, but forced in there for some reason. I just wanted some good sci-fi and action.