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About DaviM703

  • Birthday 09/19/1998

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  • Pronouns
    they/them or anything non-gendered
  • Location
    Ithaca, NY
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  1. She agreed to it not expecting it to be sexual, just then felt a sense of obligation because of my physical response and her past trauma conditioning, she was basically trying to learn to desexualize what the conservative Christian community she had grown up in had taught her was both inherently sexual and wrong, but still had conditioning from it that she hadn't deprogrammed yet.
  2. On further thought I don't really think I affirmatively consented because I was so not prepared and kind of felt rushed into the whole thing, felt like she had taken advantage of me and then discarded me because she didn't like it until we actually had another conversation in which I realized that she had felt a sense of obligation because I was having an involuntary physical response because we were cuddling naked for the skin-to-skin contact. She had been conditioned to think that any sexual urges AMAB people felt were her fault as an AFAB person and her ex-husband had expected her to do something about it when he had that physiological response so she was conditioned to think she had to do something about it despite not even wanting to. So basically we engaged in sexual activity neither of us wanted and were both hurt by it. The biggest lasting effect now is that my best friend of 4 years, who I talked to in the few hours after everything happened, hasn't talked to me in the over 3 months since after I expressed violent thoughts that I never would have acted on but that were an expression of how upset I was and how powerless I felt when all this had just happened, and I am genuinely becoming afraid she will never talk to me again. Also, I have pretty much lost the ability to enjoy physical contact which I found very comforting before and have no sense of when I'm ever getting that back.
  3. Recently had my first sexual contact with another human, who seemed like an especially good friend for me. She initiated it while cuddling (made sure I was okay with it) and I really thought it would go okay if I let her since she was poly and seemed really open with both relationships and her body. However, she was trying to get me to climax for a long time without succeeding and was apparently so triggered by some part of the experience that she now feels the need to not see me again and has blocked me everywhere we talked. I don't know how I was supposed to prevent something like this as I was not going to get into a romantic relationship nor was I comfortable with pure hookups with someone I didn't have any other relationship with, and now I've lost what seemed like one of the most special friendships of a quality especially hard to find.
  4. Update: here is what I wrote about this question: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/the-relationship-between-heterosociality-and-the-lgbtq-community-5dbd71c451af
  5. Question: do people think individuals who are specifically heterosocial, i. e. inclined to form friendships specifically with a gender other than their own, belong in the LGBTQ+ community? My case for why they might based on my experience: when everyone including myself thought I was a boy, people acted like there was something wrong with me for having the friendship inclinations I did and a therapist tried to tell me I should deliberately favor male friends in a way I think is somewhat reminiscent of conversion therapy and if they had been right about my gender, it seems to me like a form of not accepting people the way they are based on something related to gender and that's the same category of experience as people of pretty much everything that is agreed to be an LGBTQ+ identity have. It could be seen as a form of gender nonconformity, which may not always be part of someone's identity, but I also feel like friendship is devalued by society based on amatonormativity. I don't have a firm answer in my mind, just want to see what other people think since I am considering writing something about the question. I definitely feel like people who are specifically inclined to form friendship with a different gender face some of the same kinds of treatment by others as those with LGBTQ+ identities but so do those who just don't dress in a way seen as normal for their gender without it having anything to do with their identity. Therapists and others who give relationship advice do try to get those who tend to make different-gender friends to change that, but it is definitely not the same as the way people act like being gay or trans is morally wrong. Just want to see what people think.
  6. This is basically a response to the belief that kids should not be allowed to know it is possible to be anything other than what they were labeled at birth: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/at-five-i-said-i-was-a-girl-no-one-believed-me-a5218793a6da
  7. DaviM703


    You're more than welcome here even if you are unsure what you are, we totally welcome people who are questioning and there are people here who can answer questions you may have about identities.
  8. One time it kind of became a joke between me and a TA at my high school. I found it invalidating but didn't know how to properly express that it seriously bothered me because being on the autism spectrum makes communication harder, but it kind of became funny when other staff helped me do funny things in response. For example, a teacher helped me write a fake pink slip to her, then she gave me a candy bar as a supposed wedding present for me and someone I was friends with, and we responded by giving her a box for her things, so that became funny even though it felt invalidating and annoying at first.
  9. I have the experience of people insisting I was secretly looking for something romantic with friends, and this is apparently enough of a problem for people in the LGBTQ+ community that I wrote this about it: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/other-peoples-relationships-are-not-yours-to-define-7ce6d8e21336
  10. https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/why-man-and-woman-are-gender-terms-not-sex-terms-5aeb645683dd
  11. I don't know exactly how it will go in the future but we are both staying in the area we grew up in for now. I am forming more close friendships than I had at that time too, and I also don't know how it will work because she was thinking of moving to Florida as her family members want to live there and she would rather be close to them, but with all the stuff that has been going on in Florida and other red states lately I feel more comfortable continuing to live in a blue state.
  12. I talk a lot about being aromantic in this one too: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/how-the-human-services-profession-failed-me-based-on-gendered-assumptions-b6491f83f43
  13. That really doesn't sound fun, hope you get to feel positive emotions soon!
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