eatingcroutons

Yeah, this - I've seen plenty of arguments about the limitations and inadequacies of SAM, but never anyone who finds its actual meaning ambiguous or unclear.

Well you did ask for my perspective. Everywhere I've seen it used, it's pretty unambiguously been a framework for people to describe distinctions between sexual and romantic orientations. I agree.

What have you seen people using "split attraction model" to mean? What does it mean to you? I've generally seen people using it to explain that they have distinct sexual and romantic orientations - often ones that don't match. I've always understood the split attraction model to be a framework for people to describe distinctions between their sexual and romantic orientations. If somebody says that they use it, what does that mean to you? If somebody says they don't use it, what does that mean to you? If someone says they use it, I understand that to mean that they make a distinction between their sexual and romantic orientations. If someone says they don't use it, I assume they experience their orientation as a coherent whole, not as having distinct sexual or romantic parts. Do you usually think of "split attraction" correlating with "having more than orientation," or no? I'm not sure how much use it is to people who don't have distinct orientations, so yes, I tend to assume those things correlate. (Regarding @bananaslug's points above, I don't generally assume aroace people use SAM unless they specifically say they do.) Does anybody have a source dating it back prior to 2015? Can't help you there! Any other thoughts on the dilemmas raised? Does it fill a lexical gap? Does it have multiple meanings? Is it useful? I definitely need some way to explain that I have a sexual orientation but not a romantic one, so a split attraction framework is necessary for that. "Split attraction model" as a term is concise, widely used, and pretty unambiguous, and that to me is more important than where it originated. I don't think I've seen it have meanings other than the one I've described above.

To be fair, the reason the title has ended up in your branch of the family and not another is presumably due to reasons that are archaic, sexist, and to a large degree arbitrary. In that sense, aren't your distant cousins as much a continuation of "the line" as you are?

All wikis come with a complete edit history - that SAM page was created in July 2018. If someone's Tumblr layout doesn't show a post date, you can always view the page source and search for the "datePublished" tag - in this case October 2016.

Cane toads!

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CD! (Someone was just reminiscing about the Macarena on Arodynamics, so I've got music on the brain lol)

There's also Arodynamics on Discord! I prefer not to use my real name/phone number for these things so FB/WhatsApp are out for me ?

Ehhh certain kinds of media might try to pretend that everyone wants to be out there having as much sex as possible, with as little commitment as possible. But in reality that attitude is only really seen as acceptable within a very narrow demographic of society - namely straight young men. And even then, they're still seen as assholes if they just go around "using people" for sex. Older men who want sex without commitment are seen as immature and unable to "settle down" like a real adult. Women of all ages who want sex without commitment are seen as sluts. People in general who are show no interest in emotionally committing to a sexual partner are seen as being callous at best, broken or heartless at worst. I mean, I definitely do get people telling me they wish they could have sex without "catching feels", the way I can. And I have a great circle of friends who are completely accepting of the fact that I like sex but don't do commitment. But society as a whole is not always so accepting or understanding.

THIS THIS THIS Trans people are not inherently predatory. Alloaros are not inherently predatory. The ideology you're talking about isn't intersectional - it's TERF ideology, and radfem ideology, and it is toxic and harmful and absolutely not true. The only thing that can make you a predator or sexual abuser is if you choose to sexually abuse someone.

"It is suspected by many scholars..." Suspected? I thought it was the standard interpretation of R&J that the "romance" it portrays is in fact an absurdly overwrought experience of teenage infatuation? (Aren't the titular characters canonically like, 14? Who know each other for all of three days before deciding to die rather than live without the other?)

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My experience of NYE is the complete opposite. It's an excuse for people to go out, party, get drunk and get laid. (Finding a stranger to kiss when midnight hits is a good first step to the "getting laid" part!)

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I'm sorry you had that negative experience. I guess for me the pros of being aro absolutely outweigh the cons, and I love it when other people also acknowledge those pros - I'd much rather focus on the good stuff!

Hahaha this exact thing happened to me last weekend! I was catching up with a friend over Skype, and she spent a fair bit of that time talking about the trouble she'd been having trying to find a relationship. At one point she said outright to me, "I really wish I could be like you and just not be interested in relationships!"

The fundamental definition of emotional abuse is using someone's emotions to attempt to control them. Someone begging you to have a relationship with them because they will suffer without that relationship is emotional abuse. Someone using guilt to wear you down until you give in to having a relationship with them is emotional abuse. Look at how you're describing what happened. You told your partner you wanted to break up; their immediate reaction was to focus the situation on their suffering ("they said they were not psychologically ready to not be with me"), and use your guilt over that to wear you down until, in your own words, you were too exhausted not to give in. Your partner is using classic emotional abuse tactics to coerce you to stay in a relationship that is making you miserable. I told you in my reply to your last post that your partner's behaviour was raising a lot of red flags (pressuring or coercing you into physical acts you're not comfortable with is also a classic form of emotional abuse). I know you care about them - that's often what makes dealing with emotionally abusive partners so difficult. But your partner is exploiting the fact that you care about them to coerce and manipulate you into a relationship you have clearly told them you don't want right now. That's emotional abuse, and it's not okay.

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So I'm now caught up on The Handmaid's Tale and woooow I am now super fascinated by Serena as a character. It took her a long while to grow on me, but I'm loving the direction her character has been heading in. And yes, absolutely agreed! I get bored to death by fluffy meetcutes and curtainfic - I'm most interested in how characters deal with conflict and trauma and Things Going Wrong. I much prefer to read about complicated relationships than happy ones.

100% agreed with this. I didn't answer the poll because I believe all aspects of our personalities - including identity and orientation - are influenced by nature and nurture.