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eatingcroutons

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Everything posted by eatingcroutons

  1. I've long since given up on defining "romance", although there are a lot of things associated with it that I could complain about! But most fundamentally, I really dislike the idea of making a long-term commitment to any person.
  2. If there were any kind of foreign body in your skull then an MRI scan would have picked it up. I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist about the neurological symptoms you're experiencing.
  3. In my anecdotal experience it is true that a lot of aros aren't interested in having kids (myself included), and I can imagine that would absolutely make people who do want kids feel excluded, which sucks. I'm sorry. I do have a few bits and pieces that relate to choosing to be a single parent in my rather shambolic personal collection of aro-related resources and links, in case any of these are helpful for anyone in this thread: This table shows countries where it is legal for a single LGBT parent to adopt Things to consider about adopting as a single parent (UK website but the tips are fairly general, with links to examples of success stories) Info pamphlet on adopting as a single parent (in the USA) Single Mothers By Choice, a network for, well, what the name says Googling "single parent by choice" also brings up a bunch of communities, articles, and resources about choosing to be a single parent for whatever reason. Although these aren't generally aro-specific, maybe @AUREA could look into adding something representative to their General Resources, similar to the inclusion of Unmarried Equality? (Or if there isn't anything gender-neutral and representative, maybe a link to SMBC with a note that people may be able to find similar local groups by Googling?)
  4. I've only ever heard the first meaning, not the downvoted ones below it. See e.g. https://www.theurbanlist.com/nz/a-list/50-ideas-for-a-mate-date
  5. To be completely honest, at this point you might benefit from talking to a professional about what you're going through - your history with bullying, your social isolation, and other resentments and anxieties you might have. Making the kind of fundamental changes to your life that will help get you out of this rut is much, much easier with the help of a professional like a counsellor or psychologist.
  6. Personally I've seen quite a few messages from younger people who seem to be stressed out, for want of a better phrase, about finding the "right" label to define Who They Are and What They Are Experiencing. Which isn't surprising! A huge part of the typical teenage experience is being confused about and experimenting with how your perceive yourself and your identity. And so certainly when I've said things like "it's okay if you're not sure about what label(s) you want to use right now, and it's okay if they change later", my intent has been to reassure people that they don't have to have everything figured out right now and forever. I guess to me it's similar to telling a teenager who's anxious about whether they really truly want to be a doctor that hey, regardless of what you want or decide now, if later on you find yourself changing your mind halfway through med school, that's perfectly okay! Nothing in life has to be permanent if you later discover it isn't right for you. That said, I give the same advice about both aromanticism and careers to questioning adults as well, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  7. I agree. For me sex is sex and it's a physical act. Whether or not I have sex with someone doesn't have any bearing on what my emotional relationship with them is. And it doesn't make sense to me to describe the act of sex itself as being somehow a different act depending on whether the person I'm having sex with is a friend or stranger or whatever. As for "aromantic dates", mate dates are definitely a thing even among alloromantic people.
  8. Passengers. I think this article says it well: "It’s a story about a woman inexplicably falling in love with a stalker who ruined her life. And for some reason, we’re meant to root for this relationship." Marketed as a love story, described as a love story by the director, actually fucked-up beyond belief.
  9. It's the repetitiveness that gets to me. I don't mind stories that include romance, but a lot of stories that centre on romance seem to be telling the same story over and over. When I'm getting nothing out of the romance itself that just doesn't appeal to me.
  10. On top of the issues others have described, trying to treat queerness as a single-axis "scale" like this seems like it would inevitably end up with that scale being treated as a hierarchy, which is never going to end well.
  11. I have to admit that a lot of the discussion about school and college makes my eyes cross. I only have so much mental capacity for trying to get myself back into that early-twenties headspace to give thoughts or advice; It's exhausting even to remember some of the ridiculous drama that went on when I was at uni. So I'm not super active on these forums compared to on a few Discord servers where there are more people around my own age.
  12. It can be really tough to realise that the things you've been taught to expect and want your whole life aren't actually things you want for yourself. It can be especially tough to realise you don't want those things when your entire social and cultural worldview tells you that those things are necessary to make your life normal and fulfilling. But can I let you in on a couple of secrets? You don't have to have a committed, romantic, sexual relationship to live a fulfilling life. Romantic love isn't objectively the best feeling in the world. It is subjectively the best feeling in the world for some people. It isn't remotely close for others. It's really, really hard to change the expectations you might have had for yourself and your future. It's really, really hard to realise that you're never going to have the white picket fence and 2.3 children that you've always been told would make your life complete. A word of advice, though: That "ideal" life is only "ideal" for people who genuinely want romantic relationships and kids. The internet is littered with stories from people who got married or had kids because society told them it would make their lives "normal and fulfilling", and who now feel like their decisions to marry or have kids have destroyed their lives. So when you talk about things being "yanked from your grasp" it might be worth sitting down and asking yourself: did I really, genuinely, ever want those things? Would it actually make me happy if I had those things? It's okay and totally understandable to be angry and upset that your life will probably never conform to society's expectations of what's "normal", and that your parents will never understand. This is an experience that all sorts of people go through - for example when they realise they're gay, or trans, or in any way non-conforming with the status quo. But not being "normal" doesn't preclude you from living a happy life on your own terms that fulfils your own ambitions and needs. The important thing is to be honest with yourself about what you want, and pursue it regardless of what bullshit society expects. What would you say to a gay person who believed they can never live a "normal and fulfilling life"? What would you tell them if their parents were unable or unwilling to understand their orientation? Could you say the same things to yourself?
  13. This would be my first question too. In my experience the main advantages of using labels are (a) to use a shortcut to convey information about yourself to others, and/or (b) to find a community of people with similar experiences to yours. How important are these things to you? Is there some other reason having a specific label would be important to you?
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