nonmerci

Well, if this is two aro allos, this is possible. And for the rest I won't speak, I know that aro allos struggle with this, but maybe someone here will tell me they succeeded to find an alloro Partner who don't catch feeling?

Not necessarily. I suppose it can be the case in a sexual context too. Or other, if people want a physical intimacy. But personnaly I lack of imagination to know how this is agreable. I like a big bed for myself alone. ? I said something else because I don't really know. Living with more than one person sounds interesting, but maybe tiresome. I could also see myself alone with a child. I may adopt someday. I don't think about these things; I can fantacize about things I want to do, but not about where I live and with who.

I say one to one with different persons. I am not at ease when there is a lot of people, I never know how to act. It's worst if I don't know them well. I am more at ease with one to one interaction with friends.

Then where do you place greyromanticism, demiromanticism, and everything in the gray are? Do you think gray is alloromantic? I also see the term analterous, which has the a- prefixe. And I think it shares things in common with aromanticism and asexuality, like being define by an absence.

Interesting topic. Redingote a-spec, I would think about anyone for whom an orientation is a "no" : aro, ace, aplatonic, non-alterous... I didn't think about agender because orientation and gender are different for me, but if they want to feel included, they are welcome of course. I don't know if an allo ro and allosexual person would see it (or as a child maybe, when people encourage you to have friends and all). But inside the aro community maybe? As we say about squishes, it seems that sometimes aro are expecting to have squishes. Plus if the term emerged (contrary to terms as asensual for instance, that I never saw), it must be because people feel this platonic pressure, I suppose. Maybe they are on a spectrum too and don't notice? They certainly do in fact, I suppose that some allos feel crushes more often than other for instance. In fact I think there is a whole spectrum from aro to allo, and that there is even a fluid line where people calling themselves aro or allo is totally up to them, in the sense that it is at the frontier between the two. See what I mean?

It was a few years ago now, and I stopped talking to him since this happen. And I think his family moved in a different town. I was lucky that his mother talked to him. She is a very nice person, that's sad that such an adorable person has a son who does such things. It seems we're not an isolate case, I had a friend who live this experience too after she broke up with her boyfriend (I think the guy had depression issues).

Oh my, some people are such idiots... you're not a thing that you can buy with chocolates! Yeah this is true. Alloros doesn't even know that romantic attraction exists sometimes. Like, I saw someone say that approaching someone (not sure of the English term for that) in the street is bad because the person only want your body or sex... so it implies that this is bad for sexual attraction, but not romantic one? It happened to me as well. It was someone that I don't really appreciate as a friend too but he didn't seem to understand, and I know he had a crush on me. One day someone asked me if it was true that I was his girlfriend. Spoiler alert : no it wasn't. The same guy was really weird any way. If he saw a member of my familly in the street, he will change his way to talk to him and follow him. It was some kind of friendship harasment maybe. And it was hard to make him understand it was bad (I think he had a mental deficiency, and he didn't understand people limits; but his twin brother is the same I think and doesn't behave this way). It all ended after he confesses his love and I rejected him. He threatened to commit suicide when I say no. Fortunately it was by email so I don't have to face this directly, and I saw his mother in the street and talk to her about that. She then handle it (she is a very adorable person). I didn't talk to him any more after that.

I had no idea it means that in English!

Hey everyone! I was wondering if some people here had to deal with romantic harassment? Someone who refuse to give up on you even if you said no, making allusions, or just make you uncomfortable by expressing his romantic feelings for you even if you don't reciprocate? Or anything ta you would qualify as romantic harassment? And did you get support? I'm asking because I saw the concept being used from time to time, but no discussion about it. I hop it is not a common experience for aro people... Also, it seems that some people think that aromantic don't challenge oppression or such things, but romantic harassment is typically something that can make us suffering, with people trying to change our mind. And I'm not sure that an amatonormative society would recognize it a source of suffering... Sexual harasment is not always take seriously after all, so a romantic one...

I never think about it, also the word in not the same in French so it may be why I don't mind and think as it just as a status (aka not in couple).

Yeah and this is very annoying. As if aro needed to be cured... Well, I think that aros who felt it needed to talk about it, and as they get responses they thought it wa common? And that articles don't want to offense someone by not talking about it. I'm not even sure that people would think it is a big deal. Harassment is always label as sexual. And I saw some feminists say things like street harassment (not sure of the term in English?) is bad because the person is only interesting in your body or in sex; which left me to wonder if they would feel it ok if they were aware that romantic attraction exists...

Attraction can't make you a good or a bad person. Feelings can't be bad, only behaviors are. If you are respectfull, there is nothing wrong with sexual relationships. For squishes, as it is talks a lot it may seems most aros feel it but not really, we made a poll here that shows that it is not that common. You don't listen the good people. ? More seriously it can be hard when you only feel sexual attraction because of all these movies that tell you it is (yeah, I've seen a lot of romantic movies where the guy is supposed to have a bad behavior because his relationships are only sexual until he met the one girl who changes that... I hate the message in it, it is completely wrong, there is nothing wrong with sexual relationships). But believe me, there is nothing wrong with being only sexually attracted to people.

I answered.

Thanks for your answer. I know it is hard to put words on things and feelings, but words and definitions are helping me a lot to understand concept.

Well, if you feel like you are aro you can identify like this. It doesn't mean you have to break up with your girlfirend if you are comfortable in your relationship and like it as it is! I think a minority of aros stil engaged in romantic relationships, in particular cupioromantics (aro that still desire a romantic relationship).

Thanks for all your answers! Good idea, I thought the subject is more commonly discussed but I'll add it. @Jot-Aro Kujo interesting point of view. I like also the idea of letting relations evolve normally. I remember a discussion with someone about romantic relationship, it was more about cultural differences but it was me not understanding coded things in the escalator (mainly the "I am in love" thing, and the need to categorize with words the relationship). For me relationship evolve naturally, and I don't think that wording is that important to make things official. Ok, but when you want a QPR, is it always with your squish, or can it be with someone else?

If someone want a song in French for a change, there is Je serai (ta meilleure amie) from Lorie (translation : I will be (your best friend)). This singer is suppose to be for kids and I won't deny it, but this song still celebrates friendship. She says to her n'est friend that she'll always be there for her.

But then it's a squish no? I won't use the word "crush" to talk about a non romantic attraction but I'm not an English native speaker. Anyway you can feel other types of attraction (sexual, sensual...) and still be aromantic.

Same. I like weddings, I like the dresses, the cakes, the familial reunion…. I don't want to marry, but I like this stuff.

I never think about it (Belle being one of my favorite princess) but yeah, the fact that the Beast can love romantically and someone reciprocate makes him dignified to be turn into a human again? And what if the Beast was aromantic? The movie is now ruined for me.

So, we are discussing a lot about QPRS and squishes these days. And for what I read on different posts, some of us has difficulties to understand the difference between QPR and friendship, platonic and queerplatonic... And some of the definitions don't help (like the one that says it is more than friendship but less than romance... this is amatonormative and I don't see all this things on the same scale, but as different things so...). I think that what differs is the way people feel about their QPR, but not being in a QPR and not look in for it I can't be sure. So here's my questions to those who have been in one or want to : -what is the main difference between QPR and friendship? -are QPR linked to squishes? -when you have a squish, do you want a QPR or a platonic attraction (this one is because it seems that some people connect QPR and squishes, whereas some people don't)? -how do you define QPR in your case, or how do you want it to be if you don't have one? EDIT suggested by Mark : what is the main difference between a QPR and a romantic relationship?

If I days this people think it will change later. Even if I have to explain aromanticism, at least I can present it as an attraction. I don't think so. It may be because I am not american and I translate date into "rencard", but I see it as a romantic coded activity, so I don't think sexuality affects it.

I searched; we are talking of the same thing it seems. In his texte Plato said that originally there were 3 types of humans : male, female, androgyne (with a half female and a half male). So he talked about hetero and homo relationship. At end he talks about heterosexual and sexe between men, but omitted sex between women; but I can't say I'm surprised. If you speak French, here is the link to Plato's text. https://www.philolog.fr/le-mythe-de-landrogyne-texte-de-platon/

I don't really have a solution, as I would do the same thing if I was out to everyone. Maybe say something like "I don't want to date as I am aro and can't reciprocate"? For me it is a different problem here : the idea that because you are aro you have to be romance repulsed or dismiking everything about romance. You don't want romance for yourself but you can enjoy it in fiction. Just like you don't want to commit a murder but can enjoy murder in fiction.

To stay with the reincarnation theory, in fact it describes two kind of soulmates that people confused : the one I was talking about, and the popular vision of soulmate. Also there is the idea that we are not complete for a very long time. I think this is Plato who said that originally humans were double, and the get divided? And somewhere there is the other half? I don't know the English terms for this theory sorry. Anyway I have trouble to understand the idea that we are not whole when we are alone.