nonmerci

Cool, now I am not the only aro who does it! But that's my first time (and I'm already late, and should be writing right now lol). Courage!

Hey everyone! As a lot of people seems to write here, I was wondering if someone was doing nanowrimo this year? (it seems that people who write novels are a minority here, but who knows)

I think the issue with 'cheating' is that there has been an (implicit or explicit) agreement made to have a monogamous relationship Yeah that's it. Except if you specify it from the start, people expect you to only date/have sex with them. So if you don't you break the rules and you are not seen are honnest any more. Then, how and why this had become an implicit rule... I suppose it was because of heirs : they needed to know if the person who inherited was the child of his dad, so the relation had to be exclusive. That's why cheating was even more criticized when the women was the cheater... But sometimes it goes far. I know someone who felt bad for flirting a bit with another man than her fiancé. They didn't do anything, just talking (though she saw the guy was interesting), and she kept wondering if it was cheating or not... I didn't get why it was such à big deal for her.

Lion King. Really, I love this movie, even as a child I saw it a billion times. But the end, with the fire and the battle... I was scared every time. Then I managed to escape scary movies because I left the room when they appeared. Every time my dad watched à horror movie I asked him to change the channel. And my brother liked Scooby-doo, but I couldn't watch it.

Personnaly, I don't talk about it with my friends - who are girls. The subject must have been on the table a couple of time only, in particular when all the girls had a crush on the French teacher (exept me of course). But maybe we are an exception. In middle school and high school, I didn't have a lot of friends (let's be honnête it doesn't change) and the girls I befriended were shy. Then in collège we are older so we have different interests I guess. If I base my opinion on what we saw in tv shows and movies (and we know that it influences or behavior to some extent) I say that girls talk more about romantic attraction, and boys about sexual attraction. However, I don't think that it means that boys are less romantic; just that in society, girls are more expect to love and look for romantic things. Like we are suppose to love romantic stores and things like that, but for a boy it is almost a taboo.

Thanks for all your answers, it's very interesting! @running.tally to be honest, I always thought of fluid orientation as an orientation itself. I mean, I don't see fluidity as something very frequent, but maybe I'm wrong? I didn't even know orientation changed for some people before a year or two, so I'm not well placed to talk about it. But anyway, I agree that we shoud not excluded someone because he felt romantic attraction once. I think that's why it is good to think of aromanticism (and asexuality) as a spectrum, so things are not black and white. I gladly say I'm aro even if I'm more grayro if we want to be precised. I don't think we do that to exclude people, just to have a word for what we felt. But maybe I think like that because I don't live in a country based on communities (though we start to be influenced by that model of society...). Yeah, and they also say that "being born LGBT" means that there is a LGBT gene we could identify to prevent people for being LGBT... To that regard, I don't think one answer is better than the other. ? Well, my dad was very romantic, so... (to be precised, I won't ay that my parents always showed a lot of love to each other, but they still did from time to time, and my dad kept saying that he had his first girlfriend when he was five; listening to him, you'd think he dated his all town). But at the same time, it may have a role? Though my brother said he were not aro, he never dated and he's 28. I have a firend, she is bi, her brother is gay, and I don't remember if her sister is lesbian or not... So maybe, education could have a link? I don't know. Interesting! I think that's why scientists say about orientation : that it had both enviromental and genetic causes. But I just see that on internet and I'm not an expert at all, so I don't want to say something wrong. I feel exactly like that too! Thanks for all your answer, it was very interesting and made me think.

Hey everyone! Question in the title. Maybe you think it's weird, but I recently read a bisexual who says that people are not born with their sexual orientation (which of course meant "romantic and sexual orientation"), but that they became bi/gay/straight etc. The person says that it's like liing chocolate : we like it because we are born in a society that likes it, but if we were born in a country who doesn't know it, we would think it is as disgusting as insects. Now, I always disagreed with this. I mean, I thought about it, but I saw nothing that would have made me "became" asexual or aromantic, I think I am born this way. (Also, the theory of that person doesn't explain why some people don't like chocolate ^^ ). Now, I don't open this thread to debate on it (though if you want to, we can), but because I feel that bisexual are more likely to think that we are not born with our orientation, that education/society gave it to us. Because it must be logical for them that people should love someone, not a genre, and that society inhibited the love for one genre for most of people. Or something like that. On the other hand, I think that aro are more likely to think that we are born this way, because we have to deal with people who ask us what happened to us to be that way. And that it's important for us to explain that we are traumatized people or whatever. But I can only speak for myself. I could be mistaken. So, what do you think about it? Born aro or not?

It remind me of a scene in Kick-Ass 2 when some girls explain to another girl why they listen to groups like One Direction : I don't remember their words but they were describing attraction. And I was thinking that it made no sense that you don't sweat or whatever just by looking at "hot" guys singing, that they were not literally "hot"... But I suppose they are for a lot of teenagers (and that explain to me why they are so popular, because Justin Bieber is a mystery to me; I listen a bit when I was a teen, I liked it (don't judge me) but I didn't understand all the craziness about him).

Yeah. And the most confusing are people who watch the show only for a ship (well, sometimes I understand because the plot is a mess, but sometimes, the plot is so interesting, and people only talk about their ship and complain if it wasn't there enough).

I relate so much.

In another topic someone poster Never been in love of Will Jay. I don't know if the singer is aro or not, but he explains that in our society, too much people thinks happiness is in loving someone else, while you shoud love yourself. And his song talk about things you can relate as aro, in a happy rythme that will be stuck in your head all day.

@nightmarechaser that wwaswell-written! And sad I write novels, mostly fantasy. And also a bit of songs (though I only write the lyrics and never bothered to do the music, so I guess it's most poetry than songs lol). I write mostly on a computer, though I can use paper when I am in "planification phase". I Don't know if I'll share my writting here because I write in French and translation took time, but if one day I have the time I'll try to post some of my prose (poetry is too complicated for translation).

I feel you. I am lucky, my friends didn't speak a lot about crushes. But once, when I was 15, the girls in my class asked me who wa my crush, and refused to give up. So I picked a name of a guy I thought was cute. He was sitting next to us, and one of the girls scream "This girl has a crush on you!". Fortunately his answer was "No way". Now that I think about it, the fact that I didn't feel disappointed or humiliated should have alerted me. But no. I just thought that this girl should not have screamed that in front of everyone, and then I moved on without questioning.

Speaking about shipping, does anyone know this?

Yeah that's true thanks.

True. But if I had known I'm aro, I guess I would have mention it to him way before he asked me out, so maybe he would have understood that I will never date him, never ask me, and never threaten. Or maybe not, I'll never know.

I have shipped people in real life, but it was more "yeah, they'd make a great couple, but in fact I don't really care, they do what they want with thier life". But it was alway people that I knew. I don't understand how people can ship singers or actors for instance (like when everybody start shipping Zendaya and Zac Efron after The Greatest Showman; I was wondering why their fans don't let them live their life alone, or why they just care about that; no, I never get obsessed for a singer or an actor ? ). However, I sometimes ship in fiction, though I'm not obsessed by it (one day I say it was a bad idea to make two characters date, and I was agressed by angry youtube comments, and the two characters only exchanged something like six words and were looking at each other on the promo photo; if someone can tell me how people can get sensitive about their ship this fast, you wil enligthen my whole life). I also think that being aro make me ship people differently. I remember that in the Originals, I ship Klaus and Camille, but at the same time at didn't want to see them become a couple because it would have destroyed what they have; or maybe at the end of the show. I saw the romance at the end of their relation rather than the begining. At the time I was confused; now that I know about aromanticism and QPR, I understand that I shipped them planotically, and that I was scared that the romantic couple destroyed their platonic relation.

Stop trying to get excited by people in swimsuit on movies or pictures, you are wasting you're time. This master of philosophy that seems so interesting is not. Run away from it. Run. In fact, run away from university, research is not made for you. Don't be afraid to be who you are. You May think your humour is strange and that people will find you ridiculous, but you'll find some people that will like it. Don't be too hard on X when he will ask you out. You may hate him now, but in fact he's nice. He doesn't deserve a "No, sorry", and you getting away like a badass.

I don't know if it was mentionned, but what about Jack Frost from Rise fo Guardians? Of course everybody assumed he's straight because of Tooth Fairy. It's true that Tooth Fairy is completely in love with him, but Jack never looks romantically or sexually interesting. They don't even kiss; all we have at the end is a hug : Tooth Fairy is jumping on him, and for me, he doesn't seem to understand it was a romantic behavior. It's so obvious that he's not interested in her that there is a crazy amount of videos that ship him with Elsa (ok, that's just because they both have ice powers; anyway, I'm so happy he's from Dreamworks, so Disney will never think to make this love story canon in Frozen 2 ). And I read that in the books, he is supposed to not understand romantic love because he has the soul of an eternal child (even if he's fourteen). And Voldemort is absolutely aroace for me, but it's because he has no feeling at all, so I would not use him as an aromantic ambassador .

I say sometimes for kisses. Being French, we have this thing called "la bise" so kissing is not necessarily à romantic thing if not on the mouth. I dont like it but I dont dislike it (except on the mouth; never tried, dont want to); I'm just indifferent. I just like to kiss my parents sometimes, but I prefer hugs. I LOVE hugs.

yeah, that's the ultimate aro song!

I feel you. During three years, there was this guy who followed me in high school, he even changed his way home to bring me home after school (the fact that I never waited for him didn't stopped him). I tried to tell him that I don't even like him as a friend, I tried to be cold, to not answer him... but he kept going. After high school, he sent me mails. And when he told me he loved me and I rejected him, he told me that he was going to commit suicide if I didn't date him. I think it would have been easier if I knew I was aro at this time. I was lucky, my friends didn't speak about love relationships a lot. But one day, I said that I would hate to marry someone who works at the same place as me, because I would be tired to see him. They looked at me as if I was an alien and says that when you love someone you want to be with him/her all the time. Also, I'm not sure i this is an aro or an ace thing. But when I was twelve, it was the first time I saw on television girls fantasizing with the picture of a guy. I was used to see boys fantasizing on women bodys, but not the contrary. So I thought : "Men are exciting about the chest, but us women, what are we supposed to look out?" If I have been straight, I had known I suppose; but I needed to be taught what is attractive.

-I'm greyromantic so I'm not 100% aro, and explaining the concept too people is too difficult -I'm not romance repulsed and when I was a child, I said "Love is beautiful" everytime I saw a kiss in a movie -I never have trouble to understand love, that just something I don't feel -I ship sometimes, thought I do it diffently than other people

A few months ago, in class, the teacher was doing statistics and told us that 86% of students at the end of high school fell in love at least once. My friend said : "It means 14% never fell in love? That's too sad". And in my head, I was screaming : "14%? I KNEW THEY WERE MORE OF US!".