nonmerci

Yes, that's what I said too. TripleA suggested to use this flag to represent both aro aces and aro allos, and I was saying it would be a bad idea as this flag was made to represent allo aro only. (This is being said, your arrows are pretty)

From Will I actually expect the writters to give an answer in next seasons so I won't see him this way. For me the character may have not realizing it yet. About vaguely portrayed orientations, I won't say I like it. I mean, you can be subtle and not go with big lights screaming "he is gay/bi/aro" or something else. But I prefer when it is clear. Because otherwise, I feel like the writters are... some kind of cowards? Like they want to please LGBT community, but at the same time don't assume their decision, or don't want to create polemic. I really don't think they do it so we can headcanon character as we want. In particular when it comes to "children movie" : just think about what happen with Beauty and the Beast 2017 because Le Fou danced 2 seconds with a guy... I think they just don't want to live that, so instead of saying there is LGBT characters, they prefer to hide them. I think this is what queerbaiting is about, or it is something else? Also, when it comes to orientations that people don't know about, I think it better to clear it. Even if the character don't say the word, makes clear that he has no interest for romance or it won't change. Or only aro will canon him and allo or questioning people will still don't know we exist. I mean, I am not against the non-clarification at all if the idea really is to let people canon as they want, but I don't think it is possible right now, and that it is just a way to make LGBT less visible without saying it. For Frozen for instance, they know LGBT canon her as lesbian so they won't say she is not. But at the same time they don't say she is because it would be polemic. I don't think such a behaviour is great.

I would not see it as a representation of all the community, in particular when some colors seem to have been chosen to represent allosexuality (if I trust the website, the yellow part in the first flag was chosen because yellow is opposite of purple, asexuality color, so I can't see how aroace people can feel represented by it... and with the second flag there is also a color to represent sexuality). And it's weird to want to change the meaning of a flag like that. Just imagine if someone comes and want to use the aro flag to represent, I don't know, aplatonism. You would feel alienated. And I think the aro flag is already used bu the whole community? I never see any body don't use this one.

Yep I was wondering about it. I don't know if I would using it myself, but I saw a lot of aromantics saying how difficult it was to find people for a QPR or a sexual relaionship, or even deep friendship. And I thought it would be great to have an app to help people find themselves. I made a post about it here, but as nobody answer I thought I was wrong.

I don't see anything in what you say that sounds lije you do? What I read is people doing you wrong. There are probably people out there who'll want the same type of relationship you want. I hope you'll find them someday. That's really a shame we don't have aro "dating" website where people could find for this type of partners, that would make things easier.

This is not an insecurity, this is something common for many aromantics. Most of us don't like the idea that a relationship or a type of relationship is more important than another. This is even something most of us don't understand. I don't think you can change that without making her unhappy, because she will her friends. That sounds more like an insecurity for me. The thing is : most of the time aromantics have trouble to make people believe that aromanticism is a thing. So admitting she has a boyfriend must be very difficult for her because she could face criticism or negationism. Also, friends do act weird when you're in couple, with supid jokes and all. But as you say, if you plan to be married one day, this is something she has to cope with. And also because hiding something is not sane. I don't know how you could help her except with being understanding and don't force her to do anything. She will present you as her boyfriend when she'll reday, so you have to reassure her while she is not ready. Also, you have to talk about this with her. If there is some things in your relationship you don't like, you have to be open about it. Problems and insecurities can't be solved if you never talk about it with each other.

Hey everyone! Sorry if my questions here are rude. As I said many times here, I have a hard time understanding gender, transgender, agender, and why it matters to people. That's probably because I don't feel dysphoria, but I don't see gender as a part of my Identity. Or maybe I do and I have no conscius of that? Anyway, I know that if I have to list the thing that I feel important for my Identity, gender is not on the top of the list. That's why I have huge difficulties to understand things like gender studies (I have an English teacher who was passionate by "feminine writing" (don't know if that's the term in English), and I really don't get what it was and why women would have a special way of writing, though I'm woman and I write). In other words, I don't feel like my gender affects the way I behave. But it seems a lot of people don't think like me. And how I love to understand how other people think, and that I don't want to offense someone by ignorance, I have some questions here. 1. How would you define gender? 2. Does it matters to you? Why? 3. How do you know what gender you are? 4. For genderfluid people, how does it works? (sorry, I think that's what I understand the least, but I hope you can clear things to me) Here, I wish my question don't offense anyone. I just like to understand other people.

Same! I wanted to share in th "aromantic songs" topic so I look closer to the lyrics, and I was disappointed. The fact that I'm not a native English speaker, and that I have difficulty with oral comprehension, doesn't help me at all. I also interpret romantic love songs as platonic love songs. I know they are not, but really I enjoy reading it this way.

Even with the odd urge, such attitude is creepy. Like the fact you are single means you are forced to give them a chance. What these people say sounds like harrassment to me. Let's be honest : even if you were looking, you would never date such guys, that force it into you and don't listen to you at all. An these guys call themselves "nice guys"...

I don't know, but I see some people do it. I suppose that some kind of sexist thing, like "you see this sexy woman? She is miiiiiiiiine". I got you. I identify as woman because I am born woman, and I'm not sure if it would change if I was born man. Sometimes I think I may still identify as a woman, but sometimes no. I think I would still don't care. As I said, I don't think about my gender as a personality trait (maybe more as a combinaison of personality traits?), I don't think it affects my personality at all (maybe it is the other way around, my personality affects how I see gender?). It's not something I ever think about it. Is doesn't care a cis thing, or are there cis that actually cares?

I personally think that after a few years the feeling of being in love disappears to become tenderness. Or at least that the first passion dis appears to become something else. That's why there is no butterflies or thinking about the lover all day any more. I think there are studies that say romantic love disappear after 3 years (or maybe that's just an expression?). Well, I think it is more moving from passion to something softer, though there are still romantic feelings involved they are different. I also believe that long term marriage don't work without platonic content, but that's another subject. However, pair-bonded relationship haven't have to be romantic (and romantic relationships don't have to be pair-bonded, aka polyamory). I do agree that there are some amatonormative qtuff in QPR (the concept of platonic soulmate, the definition itself "more than a friendship but less than romance"). But I don't think it has to be that way.

To begin you seem to use "androgynous" and "gender neutral" as synonymous while they are not for me. I understand androgynous as a mixed of masculine and feminine, and neutral as something who is no feminine nor masculine. Of course I can be wrong, as I am not a master of these notions; I'll let concerned people explain, it will be pretty interesting. Then this thing with feminine/masculine is western-centered. In other cultures genres can be seen completely differently. I have to search for articles about it, but I know that some cultures see a lot more genres than that. I know some transgenres don't like this idea, but genre is mainly a social construct; and then, there is the way people place themselves in this social construct. But social construct change when you change the society or culture.

Not at all. What made you think that? The only thing I view as romantic in what I say is the physical part. And still, physical intimacy is not always romantic (it is very present in familly context too). And in my novel, it is présent more as a dog thing lol (one of my character is half wolf and enjoy touching on her Wolf form the same way a dog enjoy being petted). Also there is a lack of a lot of romance things : -butterflies or whatever people say to describe what the presence of a love interest do in it's body -thinking all day about the other -fantacize -speaking oddly (for some reason people speak oddly to their crushes) -feeling of romantic love. one of my character has a love interest and really, I wrote this completely differently.

To talk about what the original post was about, I would nothing wrong for aro with no romantic attraction at all have their own flag. Thinking about it, it is weird there isn't any. However, I think the actual aro flagrant should still represents the community as a whole. Because it is how I see it too. I don't view grey people as allo at all. If I follow your logic, they shouldn't be aro because their experience don't match yours; but allo could say the exact same thing, their experiences are completely different from grey people experiences. (Anyway I don't think experiences is the best way to discuss it; for instance, there is a difference between aro ace and aro allo experiences, but I never see anyone say we should split our community, because we still share a lot in common; for me it's the same with aro and greyro) I personally see the grey area as it's own thing, with a big difficulty though : draw the line between aro and grey, and between grey and aro. But I think aros and grey share a lot of experiences in common : rejection from amatonormative society, no romantic attraction (most of the time for grey), being alienated when they have to talk about their crushes, maybe no desire for romantic relationship (I say maybe because both aro and greyro could still desire one). For me, our actual flag and community represent all that. A safe place to discuss the pressure of amatonormativity, or share jokes about it. Also I get your point avoir how all these labels can be confusing, I was myself very confused at first about it. But : -I ended up understand the specificity of grey labels -It would be very difficult to find out about grey if they vanished from aromantic website -I'm pretty sure that an allo who put the effort to search what aromanticism is will also try to understand the grey area; the people who invalidates us don't need grey area to do so -at the time I was doubtful about the grey area, I never doubtful aromanticism exist; so I don't see how inclusion of grey would invalidate aromantics.

Did you ever heard about intersex people? Most of the time they are operate at birth so they can be male or female (which is most often a terrible thing or them, in particular when the sex that has been chose is "the wrong one"), and then have to take hormones or thing like that to complete because their body don't do it. Some people are spared from this operation and so they are not male or female, but this is not common because often doctors forced the parents to chose (however I think they are trying to change this, but I suppose it must be difficult). This operation is not a natural thing. Intersex is real, even if people prefer to forget it to keep it simple... Also, I don't think your three terms are useful at all. What is androgynous? That sounds like a large category where a lot of things are melted. And I don't think it fits all non-binary people. I'll be honest : I have a hard time understand all these things about genre, or why it is important for people. But I'm trying to, and I won't write this kind of statements. I actually think that to speak of something, you have to understand it (understand doesn't mean you have to experience it yourself, you can understand it on the intellectual level). Plus, I Don't think that we can reduce this to personality and presentation as you say… I mean, I'm not feminine, but I'm still a woman. Anyway, I am a ciswoman, tough I am not a "feminine" woman. For instance I don't understand make-up at all. Sometimes I feel like there is more non-binary or trans people here, but maybe it's because I never met in real life (I think)? Sometimes I'm wondering if aromanticism or asexuality affect gender Identity. I Don't know, but I feel like some gender coded things are linked to seduction and gender-role in a couple Not everything, of course; but for instance, it seems for me that when it comes to clothes, a feminine style is often associated with seduction (like a boyfriend complaining because his girlfriend is not feminine enough, he thinks she doesn't seduce him without "feminine" clothes).

You don't have to feel body dysphoria in the sense that you don't have to not be confortable with your body : you can be non-binary and be confortable with a female or male body. The same way transman or transwoman don't always want to change their sex. At the same time, not doing what society expect from a male or a female doesn't makes you trans. You can be a tomboyish girl and still be a girl. If I take my own case, I'm girl who don't wear make-up and love ties, but also dresses. I don't see that being a girl affects my identity or my behaviour, or why it shoud affect them. But at the same time, I still identify as a girl, so I'm not trans at all.

My, I really don't understand why American scholar system is so obsessed with exercise all about romance. I don't know if I was Lucky or not, but here in France, no teacher gives us any questions like that. We only have sexual education in biology class, which is about teaching about how AIDS, how to protect from that and other STDs, what to do to not be pregnant, why sex can worry and why you should not pressure your girlfriend to have sex (because apparently this is only a boy thing). Though it was centered on the idea that teens want to have sex in a hetero way, I thought it was a good thing to have. Also I heard they are trying to be more inclusive now (not about aro and aces though I think). Anyway, did you try to speak about it with your teachers? Not on your own, but as you say there was an aro and ace group in your college, maybe they can speak in name of aros to say how much this is disrespectful for them? And even other LGBT groups. I don't know, but people don't necessarily wants to come out in front of people they barely know, nor lie...

Once I see a TV program (in French) who invites people who has or had their kind of relationship. That's a show where people explain their life choices (understand : where they have to justify themselves in front of narrow-minded people). I recall two people in particular. One was complaining because the his FWBs he had (two if I remember) ended up having romantic feelings and wanted a romantic relationships, while he does not (I don't know if he was aro or not) The other person had a it easier, it never happened to her; but it was something she does only when she is single. She and her FWB stopped having sex when one of them started dating. So I think they saw it as a way to have sex when they are not in couple, and not as a relationship to pursue in itself. Anyway, the fact that the subject came in this programm just shows how much society still see this as weird and not common. But it's not a serious programm, so of course it's hard to come with any conclusion.

I have never been in a QPR myself and I don't mind it, but once I wrote something I view now as a QPR without knowing it, so maybe it can be useful for you. It was before I knew what aromanticism was. I wanted to create a very strong friendship, with two characters being very close without being in a romantic relationship. Because I wanted to show that friendship is important too, and that a boy and a girl can be committed to each other even if they are not lovers or members of the same family. In the end, instead of friendship, I start to see them as a "family" but not by blood, only by heart. And when I heard about QPR, it was clear to me that it was what I created, because : -the way they feel for each other is beyond what they feel about their other friends (not that they have many other lol but still) -they have a perfect understanding of each other, they don't need to talk, they know what the other think, how they react, what they feel; of course I guess it is possible in a friendship too, but it's hard to find such friends; I'd say that it was possible for these characters because they lived similar experiences -they can talk for hours, have private jokes only them can understand… again, not Something that you can't have in friendship, but my two characters see this as something unique that only them can understand, and that they can't have with their other friends -they are very touchy (is that a word?) (one of my character can turn into a wolf and love when my other character stroke her in her wolf form; which is somehow an equivalence for people fondling another person hair, which is seen as romantic); touches like this is seen as more romantic than friendly usually -all my other characters think they are in love lol, because their link is deeper than what they expect for friends, and because a boy and a girl could not be this close without being in love with each other (spoiler alert : yes they can); I also had a comment by a reader who was seing their behaviour as romantic (because of the touchy thing). I don't know if it helps you. I personally find it very hard to differenciate QPR from a closed friendship, in particular as I never been in one. For me it is mostly the feeling that have to differ (the way the QPPs see themselves), but I always have difficulty to give a definition, because I always have the feeling that in term of activity it does not necessarily differ from what we could do with our friends. Good luck!

And I am wondering if he pays for that flowers lol. I love this clip. Thanks for making it.

Oh I got you. I remember, before I know about aromanticism, when I was describing the first crush of my hero. During the whole scene I was thinking "but this doesn't happened in real life". Expect it apparently does ? Once, I also solved a love triangle with my character realizing that none of his love relationships was healthy and rejecting both girls. But at the same time, I realized that the romance plot, I wrote is usually healthier than what allo do. Part because my characters are also friends with their love interests, and because I intellectualize it so much that I evacuate all the things I view as toxic. But I'm sure I have to use beta-readers for romance scenes if I want to publish something with it lol. I hope your nano was a success.

Hello everyone! I sometimes have the feeling that all aros don't want the same thing for a friendship. Some people are looking for something very deep or where they can be vulnerable, some may want people to have fun with, some want people who will listen and help them… I have the feeling that our age or our culture can influence what we put in this word. For instance, in French, we have a distinction between "copains" (or "potes") and "amis", but I have the feeling that both this word are translate by "friends" (to be simple, a "copain" or a "pote" is someone that we enjoy the company, but a "ami" is something we can rely on… the degree of intimacy and investissment is not the same; but when I see discussion in English, it seems the English language don't have this kind of distinction and that everybody don't talk of the same thing (or maybe it just cause I translate "ami" into "friend", so I'm always surprised when I read thing like "friends are not supposed to be super closed" or things like that because for me it involves a certain degree of intimacy)). So my questions are : -what do you want from a friendship? -how would you define a "friend"? -do you think your cultural context has an influence on this definition? -do you think your age can have an influence too? (I don't know, but I feel like the more we grow-up, the more we look for intimacy; when we are children we may want someone to play with, but when we grow-up we may look for deeper bounds; or maybe I'm mistaken). For the poll, I made the options that came to my mind, but I you have other ideas I'll add it (I think we can edit a poll, right?).

Hey! Just an idea that I had wen I woke up this morning. I was wondering if a meeting website for aro existed, or if it was possible to create one (I personally don't have the time, the competence nor the knowledge, but maybe somewhere here people can, who knows). I think the correct owrd in English is dating website, but I prefer the French word lol (site de rencontre, so meeting website; sounds less romantic). The thing is : a lot of aro seems in difficulty to find partners. I'm thinking in particular about aro who wants QPR, and allo aro who wants a relationship where sex is ok but without romantic content. I don't think it have to be for aro only, but for people looking for an aro Relationship of the type I've said. I think some aros suffer from not finding a partner that wants this type of Relationship too (let's be honest, the probability of meeting another aro by hazard in real life is very low, let alone finding an aro that matches our personality and who is looking for the same type of relationship as we do). Again, I don't have the competence nor the time to create such an app. I don't know either if this is possible. But I know that asexuasl have their own dating app (asexualitic), so I thought it would interesting that we have our own to find non-romantic relationship partners. So, what do you think of it? Would you think such a thing would be useful? Interesting? Would it simplify your life? I personally won't use it I'm fine with having friendship and I'm not interesting in sex nor QPR. But, I thought it would be useful for people who are searching for not traditional friendship, QPR, or Relationship that includes sexual activity. And you?

Yeah it is hard to find aro irl (never did I think, though I was glad to fond one person who know what it is once). I think sometimes it would be nice to have a website to make irl meeting (asexuals have their own dating website, asexualitic; it would be nice to have an équivalence for aro, minus the satin part (or maybe dating can be only sexual for allo aro? I don't know).

Do you plan to indicate from what show the clips are from? (So we can watch them if we didn't know them before)