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Better word for QPR?


Josie
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Hello everyone! I was just thinking about QPRs and I'm not really sure what I think of the name. I'm not really comfortable using "the Q word" since some people in the LGBTQA+ community find it offensive and I would like to respect that. I was wondering if you people know a better word for it that doesn't include "the Q word". I was thinking maybe just like platonic relationship but idk, it makes it just sound like friends. Help me please haha. 

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I think some people just downright take the Q out of the equation and use "platonic partnership," but I don't know if that's common. (For me, I prefer to categorize my stronger platonic bonds as close friendships and have little personal need for terminology like QPR.)

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And then there is the 'zucchini' thing if you are into that. :facepalm:

 

I personally do use queer also as part of my identity, but if you aren't comfortable doing so, that's alright.

Anyway, we really need something, that isn't just friend, doesn't sound like work or dating... and simple. Not silly. 

 

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@Cassiopeia I'm also not a fan of the word "zucchini." Same with "quirkyplatonic." Both sound a bit childish and silly, especially if the point is to get people to take platonic relationships seriously...

 

Why can't there just be an easy, straightforward, and non-controversial way to express things?

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7 hours ago, techno-trashcan said:

@Cassiopeia I'm also not a fan of the word "zucchini." Same with "quirkyplatonic." Both sound a bit childish and silly, especially if the point is to get people to take platonic relationships seriously...

 

Why can't there just be an easy, straightforward, and non-controversial way to express things?

Part of the reason, I think, is that romance has co-opted most of the good words. Even "friend" is somewhat romantic (boyfriend and girlfriend). I've no idea what to replace them with though :(

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11 hours ago, Kai Pufflehugs IV said:

Part of the reason, I think, is that romance has co-opted most of the good words. Even "friend" is somewhat romantic (boyfriend and girlfriend). I've no idea what to replace them with though :(

 

I was gonna suggest mate, but that might sound a bit more awkward to non Australians :P

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I like to refer to my friend-who-lives-with-me person as my "pet human" sometimes. I suppose I can't really recommend it if you need people to take you seriously though. :rofl: 

 

I also kind of like the "adopted sibling" idea.

 

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I think it's a rather clumsy term.

The "queer" easily gets confused with a sexual orientation. Which could easily exclude hetero aros. Which, unless something very unlikely is going on, would be the majority of aros.

 

Since around the mid 15th century the term "platonic" has the assumption of excluding sex (and possibly other forms of physical intimacy). Potentially alienating to the majority of aros. (There's also a related issue with "squish" being defined as "platonic crush equivalent".)


It's also very much of an "umbrella term". Ask 100 aros what they wanted from a QPR and you could easily get 101 answers.


Anyone know if it originates from AVEN? Thus only intended to apply to aro aces.

 

On 28/12/2016 at 11:25 PM, Cassiopeia said:

And then there is the 'zucchini' thing if you are into that. :facepalm:

The "zucchini" thing actually was intended as a joke. (Possibly might have worked better using a noun not unique to US English.)

 

On 28/12/2016 at 11:25 PM, Cassiopeia said:

I personally do use queer also as part of my identity, but if you aren't comfortable doing so, that's alright.

Anyway, we really need something, that isn't just friend, doesn't sound like work or dating... and simple. Not silly. 

Maybe more than one thing. Over broad terms or the concept of "no labels" can make communication more difficult.

 

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14 hours ago, Tal Shi'ar said:

 

I was gonna suggest mate, but that might sound a bit more awkward to non Australians :P

Also this:

Quote

The Doctor: The last time, with Martha, it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.
Donna Noble: You just want to mate?
The Doctor: I just want a mate!
Donna Noble: You're not matin' with me Sunshine!
The Doctor: A mate! I want a mate!
Donna Noble: Well, just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense! I mean, you're just a long streak of nothing, y'know, alien nothing!

 

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12 hours ago, Mark said:

Maybe more than one thing. Over broad terms or the concept of "no labels" can make communication more difficult.

 

Yes, unique things might work well. For example, I'd totally use 'cornerwitch' with the right kind of person...

If it means something to you, then its perfect, and it doesn't matter if its not something everyone gets.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

If you're talking to an anime fan, 'nakama' is a good term. Nakama actually just means friend, but in anime when a character calls someone their nakama, the vast majority of times it's basically a QPR.

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If we're going with media-specific terms, if you're talking to someone who reads Homestuck, there's an in-universe equivalent of a QPR called a moirallegiance, so sometimes I call my QPP my moirail when talking to other Homestuck fans. That's a pretty specific scenario, though, so it might not exactly work universally. ("Companion" could also work if the person is into Doctor Who, as mentioned by @Kai Pufflehugs IV and @Zemaddog.)

 

Fandom things aside, when I'm talking about my QPP to someone I don't feel like explaining QPRs to (which is...most people), I just call him my brother, and if the context makes it such that it needs to be clarified that we're not actually related, I just say we're close enough friends that we consider ourselves siblings. (This is, in fact, pretty much how we explained our closeness to others even before either of us realized that QPRs existed and we'd essentially been in one for years.) An alternate term for the relationship itself could be "Boston marriage", which refers to the close platonic relationships between women that were normalized around the turn of the 20th century and were basically the closest that society's ever gotten to recognizing QPRs as valid. 

 

 

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On 08/01/2017 at 2:41 AM, Ettina said:

If you're talking to an anime fan, 'nakama' is a good term. Nakama actually just means friend, but in anime when a character calls someone their nakama, the vast majority of times it's basically a QPR.

What I like about this term is that it isn't singular/exclusive. Though it's a little unclear if it can be applied to relationships which are sexual or sensual.

 

On 08/01/2017 at 7:53 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

If we're going with media-specific terms, if you're talking to someone who reads Homestuck, there's an in-universe equivalent of a QPR called a moirallegiance, so sometimes I call my QPP my moirail when talking to other Homestuck fans.

I wasn't familiar with the term. The definition on Urban Dictionary very much says NO! to me. The very concept relationships to "complete" people is something I find utterly repulsive.
 

On 08/01/2017 at 7:53 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

That's a pretty specific scenario, though, so it might not exactly work universally. ("Companion" could also work if the person is into Doctor Who, as mentioned by @Kai Pufflehugs IV and @Zemaddog.)

Would kind of help if they are familiar with the classic series. Especially Hartnell and Davidson, where multiple companions are the norm.
 

On 08/01/2017 at 7:53 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

An alternate term for the relationship itself could be "Boston marriage", which refers to the close platonic relationships between women that were normalized around the turn of the 20th century and were basically the closest that society's ever gotten to recognizing QPRs as valid. 

Marriage is a concept I really can't relate to. Especially given it's intrinsically hierarchical and exclusive nature.

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11 hours ago, Mark said:
On 1/8/2017 at 1:53 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

If we're going with media-specific terms, if you're talking to someone who reads Homestuck, there's an in-universe equivalent of a QPR called a moirallegiance, so sometimes I call my QPP my moirail when talking to other Homestuck fans.

I wasn't familiar with the term. The definition on Urban Dictionary very much says NO! to me. The very concept relationships to "complete" people is something I find utterly repulsive.

Blargh, the Urban Dictionary definition is totally different from how it's actually canonically defined, whoever contributed this definition doesn't know what they're talking about. :facepalm: Here are some better snippets from the wiki definition (which is still not completely identical to the in-canon definition, but a heck of a lot better than the Urban Dictionary one): 

Quote

Moirallegiance may translate (roughly) to our human concept of "love for best friend" which contains no intent for reproduction.

[...]

Moirallegiance is a portmanteau of "moira" (fated) and "allegiance." This kind of relationship may be most similar to the Greek concept of στοργή (storgē), or "like family," which can be defined as "a desire to ensure the well-being of another."

And another snippet from the comic itself, though this is from the earliest definition of the concept that doesn't really capture what it evolves into as actual examples of this type of relationship are shown later on: 

Quote

The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

 

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